i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
back on this bread again
my skeets:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaafhk2y3vewe
Pinned
i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
· Oct 19
when the blinds are uneven and you pull the wrong string making them more uneven so you pull the other string too hard out of frustration and now they’re uneven the other way so then you just leave them crooked and get back to shouting your list of demands down to the cops
Reposted by i am carbs
there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive
June 3, 2025 at 4:01 PM
there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive
Reposted by i am carbs
I've never heard a bog witch say "why isn't there a bog witch pride month" and that's just one of the many ways that bog witches are superior to straight men
June 1, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I've never heard a bog witch say "why isn't there a bog witch pride month" and that's just one of the many ways that bog witches are superior to straight men
Reposted by i am carbs
I'm drunk and aggressively telling the ghosts haunting my apartment how much they mean to me
May 30, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I'm drunk and aggressively telling the ghosts haunting my apartment how much they mean to me
listen i don’t care if you ask me a thousand times i won’t take you to funkytown i’m only going as far as groovyburg but you can take the bus from there
May 31, 2025 at 6:36 PM
listen i don’t care if you ask me a thousand times i won’t take you to funkytown i’m only going as far as groovyburg but you can take the bus from there
Reposted by i am carbs
watching true crime all calm until someone gets interviewed in a nice room with a chair in the middle of the room and it's like hell no this is all off this is what's suspicious why is there a chair in the middle of a room I can solve this right now call a decorator
May 30, 2025 at 6:07 PM
watching true crime all calm until someone gets interviewed in a nice room with a chair in the middle of the room and it's like hell no this is all off this is what's suspicious why is there a chair in the middle of a room I can solve this right now call a decorator
Reposted by i am carbs
Got fired from the drive thru for telling customers “The root of your suffering is your desire”
May 30, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Got fired from the drive thru for telling customers “The root of your suffering is your desire”
Reposted by i am carbs
WIFE: *on our wedding night* Today was just perfect, wasn't it?
ME: [remembering how I wanted all my groomsmen to dress as Grimace but was told no] Not really Sharon, tbh.
ME: [remembering how I wanted all my groomsmen to dress as Grimace but was told no] Not really Sharon, tbh.
May 28, 2025 at 11:52 AM
WIFE: *on our wedding night* Today was just perfect, wasn't it?
ME: [remembering how I wanted all my groomsmen to dress as Grimace but was told no] Not really Sharon, tbh.
ME: [remembering how I wanted all my groomsmen to dress as Grimace but was told no] Not really Sharon, tbh.
Reposted by i am carbs
Please enjoy this short film to visually express the essence of my best bluesky post. [Robert Plant riding a horse with a falcon through the fog arrives at a castle for a swordfight to rescue a maiden]
May 28, 2025 at 1:43 AM
Please enjoy this short film to visually express the essence of my best bluesky post. [Robert Plant riding a horse with a falcon through the fog arrives at a castle for a swordfight to rescue a maiden]
Reposted by i am carbs
Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers my pharmily.
May 27, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers my pharmily.
dear diary today a neighbor told me to watch out for spotted lanternflies as they’re an invasive species and now as i compose this in the library there are half a dozen lanternflies around me pretending they’re using microfiche when they’re clearly look I can see you guys reading this please stop
May 28, 2025 at 2:34 AM
dear diary today a neighbor told me to watch out for spotted lanternflies as they’re an invasive species and now as i compose this in the library there are half a dozen lanternflies around me pretending they’re using microfiche when they’re clearly look I can see you guys reading this please stop
Reposted by i am carbs
Found a fast food style restaurant today that specializes in chicken salad. Was so excited that I almost turned to the several 80 and 90 year olds in line with me to ask “is this heaven?!” but didn’t want them to think they’d died. Would’ve been funny though.
May 25, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Found a fast food style restaurant today that specializes in chicken salad. Was so excited that I almost turned to the several 80 and 90 year olds in line with me to ask “is this heaven?!” but didn’t want them to think they’d died. Would’ve been funny though.
Reposted by i am carbs
It's a nice gesture but this isn't charades I said, narrowly beating out the one who brought a bottled up emotion of wine for less common definition game night
May 25, 2025 at 12:54 PM
It's a nice gesture but this isn't charades I said, narrowly beating out the one who brought a bottled up emotion of wine for less common definition game night
Reposted by i am carbs
Where I live now is with the canned vienna sausages in the weird foods aisle at the drug store.
May 25, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Where I live now is with the canned vienna sausages in the weird foods aisle at the drug store.
Reposted by i am carbs
Pitching my new show “Luter” about a medieval traveling minstrel with little bells on his shoes and those silly puffy pants who sings and dances and is a British detective played by Idris Elba.
May 26, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Pitching my new show “Luter” about a medieval traveling minstrel with little bells on his shoes and those silly puffy pants who sings and dances and is a British detective played by Idris Elba.
Reposted by i am carbs
There is no context, only Zuul.
May 23, 2025 at 6:55 PM
There is no context, only Zuul.
Reposted by i am carbs
I never believed it was butter
May 25, 2025 at 6:21 PM
I never believed it was butter
Reposted by i am carbs
Why are they called food critics and not ingestigative journalists?
May 22, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Why are they called food critics and not ingestigative journalists?
Reposted by i am carbs
hey a bunch of us are driving over to harrison ford's house later so we can record him yelling at us to get off his lawn and then auto-tuning the audio to make a summer jam we're hoping will go viral if you wanna come but fair warning never ever look directly into his earring
May 26, 2025 at 5:41 PM
hey a bunch of us are driving over to harrison ford's house later so we can record him yelling at us to get off his lawn and then auto-tuning the audio to make a summer jam we're hoping will go viral if you wanna come but fair warning never ever look directly into his earring
Reposted by i am carbs
You wake up one day and all the world has turned to Greg. You're surprised, you did not see this coming. In the kitchen your boyfriend Greg greets you with a cup of greg. Greg, he says with a smile. Greg, you answer, and it just feels right, the gregness of it all.
November 23, 2024 at 12:54 PM
You wake up one day and all the world has turned to Greg. You're surprised, you did not see this coming. In the kitchen your boyfriend Greg greets you with a cup of greg. Greg, he says with a smile. Greg, you answer, and it just feels right, the gregness of it all.
Reposted by i am carbs
*seductively licks my contact before putting it back into my eye after losing it during a sneezing fit*
May 27, 2025 at 1:56 AM
*seductively licks my contact before putting it back into my eye after losing it during a sneezing fit*
Reposted by i am carbs
Publisher: This is great! How do you pronounce the name?
Lovecraft: Oh, I don’t know.
Lovecraft: Oh, I don’t know.
May 27, 2025 at 2:14 AM
Publisher: This is great! How do you pronounce the name?
Lovecraft: Oh, I don’t know.
Lovecraft: Oh, I don’t know.
Reposted by i am carbs
Oh we don’t have to go to work tomorrow but it’s “still Monday” oh okay
May 26, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Oh we don’t have to go to work tomorrow but it’s “still Monday” oh okay
Reposted by i am carbs
amirite is my birthstone
May 26, 2025 at 11:57 PM
amirite is my birthstone
Reposted by i am carbs
arching my back
to make a bridge hovering over the river of bedsheets
weight and time collapse and fold me, wincing
breathing raggedly
i used to do this for fun, i whisper
didn’t i
now my body won’t bend without pain
to make a bridge hovering over the river of bedsheets
weight and time collapse and fold me, wincing
breathing raggedly
i used to do this for fun, i whisper
didn’t i
now my body won’t bend without pain
May 26, 2025 at 2:34 AM
arching my back
to make a bridge hovering over the river of bedsheets
weight and time collapse and fold me, wincing
breathing raggedly
i used to do this for fun, i whisper
didn’t i
now my body won’t bend without pain
to make a bridge hovering over the river of bedsheets
weight and time collapse and fold me, wincing
breathing raggedly
i used to do this for fun, i whisper
didn’t i
now my body won’t bend without pain