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dewno.bsky.social
The Joke Calculator
@dewno.bsky.social
260 followers 200 following 1K posts
I'm the world-famous Joke Calculator.

Still a bit confused by how this new website works. Not a fan of the drama and personalities on here. Just my take. (he/him)
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dewno.bsky.social
with Nico gone, here's some incredibly-stupid flash fiction i wrote at the time. i doubt i ever posted it
The sun was shining over the harbors and beaches of Los Angeles County. As Luka Doncic surveyed the scene, he smirked mischievously and considered what he had accomplished. The Slovenian savant had brought LeBron to yet a fifth championship, and LeBron had surely helped a great deal. But history would remember this as his year, Luka's year. Luka's own championship. It hadn't been easy, but he had done it. What do they say in that old, great American song of yore? "Like Frankie said, I did it my way." And Luka knew in his heart of hearts that he had done it his way. "And it was also the Laker way," he considered, regarding the other Lakers who were on the beach, past and present, with a wave, such as Austin Reaves and LeBron James and Kareem and Magic and Shaq and countless others, all of them Lakers once and thus Lakers for life. Oh, and sure, doing it the Laker way meant he'd never get the full credit. When you're on the Lakers, people discount your successes. You pay the "Laker tax" because you're surrounded by so many other great players and awash in the historical tides of so many great predecessors and successors. But to him, sipping that margarita on the beach, Luka knew that it was worth the tax any day of the week. Somewhere, not far off, Luka could hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing a live concert. They'd promised to cut to him at some point, sunbathing on the beach. And what about Dallas? A real, genuine shame about that. His first home in America would always have a home in his heart, despite that they had sent him away for reasons that still to this day eluded reason. Some say the flooding of the Trinity was an act of God. Some say the whole city had gradually washed away in despair after Nico Harrison's fateful act. Still others correctly asserted it was part of the second great JFK cover-up. Some people unfairly blamed the ill-conceived hydrological Randian experiment codenamed "Bioshark" that a gone-mad Mark Cuban had enacted upon the city, flooding it instantly after having forced everyone else to vacate the whole area. Well, whatever the case, Dallas was gone, Fort Worth wasn't looking too hot, and the Mavericks were no more, and also the Thunder were forced to go back to Seattle for separate reasons. Shame about that, too. Luka decided he would always be a Laker, he knew that much. But all that was in the future. All that was for later. Right now, he had an icy margarita to sip. He smirked again and got the fateful phone alert that he was on camera, on the big screen at the Chili Peppers concert over yonder, with thousands of adoring fans chanting his damn name. Luka. Luka. Luka. Waving to the camera and to that crowd he could not see, but did not need to, the Laker legend dropped his aviator sunglasses and smiled, smiled sincerely for the first time in his life, finally validated by his efforts to work the refs, no longer having to complain, validated and enshrined forever. The summer sounds of "Californication", that classic Peppers' number, began to play. As he continued to smirk at the camera, and at the Lakers on the beach, and at the Lakers still to come, Luka suddenly had a thought. "I could get used to this...."
November 15, 2025 at 8:01 PM
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dewno.bsky.social
My matchup in fantasy this past week is so tight. It's a league where we put 9 prop bets on other fantasy players. One of my props was that my opponent would win their matchup, and that depends on how we resolve the prop. But we can't resolve that prop until we figure out who won
November 3, 2025 at 9:04 AM
dewno.bsky.social
My matchup in fantasy this past week is so tight. It's a league where we put 9 prop bets on other fantasy players. One of my props was that my opponent would win their matchup, and that depends on how we resolve the prop. But we can't resolve that prop until we figure out who won
November 3, 2025 at 9:04 AM
dewno.bsky.social
My favorite "Wallace Shawn from Young Sheldon" is "Wallace Shawn from Princess Bride"
danlehner.bsky.social paul khruangbin (Dan Lehner) @danlehner.bsky.social · 19d
I think everybody has a “Wallace Shawn from Young Sheldon” — my first one would probably be “Vincent Price, the guy who did the voice of Ratigan in The Great Mouse Detective”
November 3, 2025 at 4:08 AM
dewno.bsky.social
In Brian Wilson/Van Dyke Parks' original draft of Kokomo (whimsical, genius, spiritually enlightened, referential) the lyrics were "Key Largo, Montego, I know there's an answer".

But Mike Love (fascist, corporate hack, jealous Salieri) insisted on "Baby why don't we go?"
October 30, 2025 at 6:55 AM
dewno.bsky.social
("aunt" meaning "dad's female cousin" isn't even stretching the truth. it means you share a great-grandparent instead of a grandparent and she is one generation older than you. it is the exact same concept. no one outside of genealogists has ever made this distinction before today)
October 28, 2025 at 8:01 PM
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slangsonsports.bsky.social
Players to reach base safely 9 times in a game, reg or post, all-time:

2025 WS G3 Shohei Ohtani (postseason record)
8/9/42 Stan Hack
7/10/32 Johnny Burnett
7/7/1922 Max Carey

h/t @EliasSports
October 28, 2025 at 6:35 AM
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mike.tig.as
oh my god, The Tweet is exactly ten years old tonight
screenshot of a Justin Klugh tweet from October 28, 2015: JOE BUCK: Welcome to the top of the 47th [Sun rises] [Sun keeps getting bigger] BUCK: yes [World engulfed by flames] BUCK: oh god yes
October 28, 2025 at 5:25 AM
dewno.bsky.social
I mean, I've gotten on base 8 times in a postseason game, so it wouldn't be the all-time record, but Shohei's thing is pretty good too
October 28, 2025 at 5:13 AM
dewno.bsky.social
My hot take (not this post) is that the right is offering nothing positive to the discourse and mindless "viewpoint diversity" for meritless positions does more harm than good.
karanicolas.bsky.social Michael Karanicolas @karanicolas.bsky.social · Oct 18
I see endless posts excoriating legacy media and institutional actors for staying on Twitter. They don't fully migrate because bluesky is viewed as too much of an echo chamber. It will never be a viable mainstream competitor so long as it only houses an insular slice of the body politic.
karanicolas.bsky.social Michael Karanicolas @karanicolas.bsky.social · Oct 18
This site would actually be better if it had more voices from across the political spectrum, and efforts to push out right wing accounts are only entrenching Twitter/X's dominant position in the political discourse.
October 18, 2025 at 3:32 PM
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kateconger.com
Salesforce pitched ICE on tripling its staff www.nytimes.com/2025/10/16/u...
Salesforce Offers Its Services to Boost Trump’s Immigration Force
www.nytimes.com
October 17, 2025 at 4:37 AM
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jimmyjazz1968.bsky.social
Screenprinting to keep this live after LC deactivates (assume he's ok with that, if not let me know)
October 15, 2025 at 9:05 PM
dewno.bsky.social
"The reason the Ship of Theseus is important because it applies to everything."

Umm, only if you change a bunch of stuff: A body instead of a ship, cellular regeneration instead of replacing parts, etc.

Is it even still the same concept at that point?
October 12, 2025 at 9:26 PM
dewno.bsky.social
the writing is on par with the Brass Eye episode. can't think of higher praise than that
bsky.app/profile/benc...
bencollins.bsky.social Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · Oct 9
Welp, here it is: maybe the funniest thing we've ever done, in its entirety.
The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein
YouTube video by The Onion
www.youtube.com
October 10, 2025 at 8:55 PM
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bencollins.bsky.social
Welp, here it is: maybe the funniest thing we've ever done, in its entirety.
The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein
YouTube video by The Onion
www.youtube.com
October 9, 2025 at 11:35 PM
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nflscorigami.bsky.social
🏈 GB 40 - 40 DAL
0:00 OT

This game has a 100.00% chance of ending in Scorigami.
September 29, 2025 at 4:10 AM
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nedraggett.bsky.social
And now I'm just spelunking around and here's this Facebook post by Kaleb Horton from September 2017. It was three months after MTV dumped its freelancers. I'm sure it would have been a piece there; instead he posted this on FB just to have it written out: Toys 'R' Us as societal microcosm.
Facebook post from Kaleb Horton, September 18, 2017: Toys R Us is probably going out of business this year. I'm fascinated by the collapse of retail, because what it really signifies is the collapse of the 20th century. The reason I pushed to profile guys like Harry Dean Stanton, Merle Haggard and Chuck Berry, was that writing about them is a way of writing about the 20th century, and how different it was from where we are now. How shockingly different, in retrospect. The migration out of the south, the descent of the Dust Bowl, which was a Biblical plague; the millions of people who were killed during World War Two. Monoculture, and the idea that a great episode of a television show would be seen by *half of all people.* The arrival of flight, and the end of horses. Homes without electricity. Coming of age without computers, without television. Listening to the radio for entertainment. The 20th century was a long time ago and it's a ghost now. It's a ghost you see in the places you wouldn't expect. It's seen in towns that were bypassed by the freeways, the dusty little towns out west that still have old diners and motels and payphones. It's seen in the places that we left, places where mines shut down, places where tourist attractions died off. It's seen in Bakersfield with Buck Owens' Crystal Palace and it's seen in Roswell, which stubbornly maintains the relics of the '90s UFO boom. Things like that won't be around forever. Someday owners will die and towns will burn and they won't be rebuilt. And it's difficult to suss out what those things are, because they're on roads, physical and metaphorical, that we no longer travel. The ghost sightings happen in stupid places, unexpected places, and uncool places. A few months ago, I went with Marie to the Toys R Us on Victory Blvd. in Burbank, which still looks exactly like it did in Back to the Future in 1985 somehow. It's not nostalgia that you see there, it's just a customer base and economic model that's aging and won't be around a lot longer, and it's *boring.* There's no reason for anyone to ever go to Lancer's, the little diner by that Toys R Us. Because it's not good. People go there out of tradition, and old habits. 80 and 90 year olds go there. We were lining up for a Nintendo, which is still a hard thing to keep stocked in stores. Toys R Us was actually the best place to obtain one, because it's no longer a place children beg their parents to take them to. When we went in, wham, there it was. The ghost of 1996. I was 8 years old, for a fraction of a second. The feeling wasn't nostalgia, it was a kind of temporal dislocation. A confusion. But it wasn't an immaculate 1996, it was a fading 1996. It was lonelier than I remember it. It's time for Toys R Us to go out of business. It was time ten years ago, fifteen. There are reasons to be nostalgic about the 20th century. We weren't plugged into so many wires, so many screens. We were a little bit closer to the process of manufacturing and agriculture than we are now. We made more things by hand, and our goals as people were uniquely audacious and driven by mad, desperate power that was temporary and had to end. But the 20th century was hopelessly cruel and soaked in blood. The 20th century gave us flight, but it also gave us bombs that can end the world and Richard Nixon and his evil sidekick Kissinger and it gave us new mutations of slavery and race and class subjugation and it gave us useless, disgusting monuments to Confederate slavers and traitors and cowards. It gave us President Trump, who wouldn't exist today without New York City's collective cocaine addiction in the 1980s. I want to find the ghosts, not because I miss the past -- the good old days can't return because they're imaginary and what you really miss is youth and if you're lucky a warm feeling of safety -- but because I don't even know what things we'll lose, or when we'll lose them, or how long we have to document them. I know ghosts when I see them. Toys R Us for the mundane side and the Salton Sea for the widescreen wasteland side. But I have absolutely no idea how many there are. I figure people go first, then places. Those are the things we have a limited time to physically document and historically examine and preserve on film. The ideas will go away much slower, and some of them may be eternal, like cold wars. But those are a lot less fun because you don't get to drive to them.
September 27, 2025 at 8:49 PM
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screamerjim.bsky.social
Kaleb was one of my favorite Americana Sweet Guy writers, this news is a bitter pill. I think the best way to honor him is to keep trying to wake up every day and do the things that interest you, that you genuinely love, and to do them earnestly, intentionally, and with no ego
September 27, 2025 at 6:42 PM
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lukeoneil47.bsky.social
It seems that Kaleb Horton has passed away. A devastating loss. One of the best writers of this generation. Kaleb was a friend for ten years and in all our conversations I was trying to convince him how good he was, something he seemed to know but also never fully believe. I am going to go cry now.
September 27, 2025 at 11:50 AM
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edsbs.bsky.social
Kaleb Horton was a wonderful, wonderful writer, and a lovely person to talk to, and someone gone many decades before he should be. High lonesome California’s best. RIP.
September 27, 2025 at 12:50 PM
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weirdalf.bsky.social
I don’t like when people say Trump officials are like cartoony or silly versions of fascists. There has never been a serious fascist in human history. Goebbels was just as much of an embarrassing little freak as Miller
radleybalko.bsky.social Radley Balko @radleybalko.bsky.social · Sep 25
I’d seen the nutty excerpts of Miller’s speech at Kirk’s memorial, but hadn’t seen the whole thing. It’s easily the most unhinged, unapologetically fascist rhetoric I’ve ever seen from someone in US government.

It’s more of a discount, Dwight Schrute Goebbels than Goebbels. But still.
'Scary as all hell': Onlookers horrified as Stephen Miller parrots Nazi speech
Stephen Miller delivered a venomous speech at right-wing activist Charlie Kirk's memorial service that bore a close resemblance to one given by a notorious Nazi leader at a similar event, according to...
www.rawstory.com
September 25, 2025 at 1:44 PM
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normcharlatan.bsky.social
I haven’t heard this many people arguing about Raleigh vs. Judge since Sir Walter was accused of trying to remove King James I from the throne and was ultimately sent by Robert Cecil, 1st Earl of Salisbury to the Tower of London in 1603.
Dennis Miller
September 25, 2025 at 4:37 AM
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damonagnos.bsky.social
🎶Now I've heard there was a dumper lord
A master of runs saved and scored
But you don't really care for catchers, do ya?
Handles each starter every fifth
And dingers from each side he hits
The backstop king, imposing, Raleighlujah🎶
September 22, 2025 at 12:12 AM
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tbone.malware-virus.biz
once again, the NYT readerbase is Not Buying It from Ezra Klein. rarely do I see a comment section so poised so vehemently against an op-ed — especially not one from a liberal. Sorry Ezra
September 16, 2025 at 9:00 PM
dewno.bsky.social
It makes me laugh that the officials at the US Open are just like "Quiet. Quiet. Thank you. Silence, s'il vous plait" and it just makes the crowd even more restless.

Sorry, but we won a whole revolution so we wouldn't have to speak French or British.
September 7, 2025 at 9:23 PM