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dewno.bsky.social
The Joke Calculator
@dewno.bsky.social
260 followers 200 following 1.1K posts
I'm the world-famous Joke Calculator.

Still a bit confused by how this new website works. Not a fan of the drama and personalities on here. Just my take. (he/him)
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dewno.bsky.social
with Nico gone, here's some incredibly-stupid flash fiction i wrote at the time. i doubt i ever posted it
The sun was shining over the harbors and beaches of Los Angeles County. As Luka Doncic surveyed the scene, he smirked mischievously and considered what he had accomplished. The Slovenian savant had brought LeBron to yet a fifth championship, and LeBron had surely helped a great deal. But history would remember this as his year, Luka's year. Luka's own championship. It hadn't been easy, but he had done it. What do they say in that old, great American song of yore? "Like Frankie said, I did it my way." And Luka knew in his heart of hearts that he had done it his way. "And it was also the Laker way," he considered, regarding the other Lakers who were on the beach, past and present, with a wave, such as Austin Reaves and LeBron James and Kareem and Magic and Shaq and countless others, all of them Lakers once and thus Lakers for life. Oh, and sure, doing it the Laker way meant he'd never get the full credit. When you're on the Lakers, people discount your successes. You pay the "Laker tax" because you're surrounded by so many other great players and awash in the historical tides of so many great predecessors and successors. But to him, sipping that margarita on the beach, Luka knew that it was worth the tax any day of the week. Somewhere, not far off, Luka could hear the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing a live concert. They'd promised to cut to him at some point, sunbathing on the beach. And what about Dallas? A real, genuine shame about that. His first home in America would always have a home in his heart, despite that they had sent him away for reasons that still to this day eluded reason. Some say the flooding of the Trinity was an act of God. Some say the whole city had gradually washed away in despair after Nico Harrison's fateful act. Still others correctly asserted it was part of the second great JFK cover-up. Some people unfairly blamed the ill-conceived hydrological Randian experiment codenamed "Bioshark" that a gone-mad Mark Cuban had enacted upon the city, flooding it instantly after having forced everyone else to vacate the whole area. Well, whatever the case, Dallas was gone, Fort Worth wasn't looking too hot, and the Mavericks were no more, and also the Thunder were forced to go back to Seattle for separate reasons. Shame about that, too. Luka decided he would always be a Laker, he knew that much. But all that was in the future. All that was for later. Right now, he had an icy margarita to sip. He smirked again and got the fateful phone alert that he was on camera, on the big screen at the Chili Peppers concert over yonder, with thousands of adoring fans chanting his damn name. Luka. Luka. Luka. Waving to the camera and to that crowd he could not see, but did not need to, the Laker legend dropped his aviator sunglasses and smiled, smiled sincerely for the first time in his life, finally validated by his efforts to work the refs, no longer having to complain, validated and enshrined forever. The summer sounds of "Californication", that classic Peppers' number, began to play. As he continued to smirk at the camera, and at the Lakers on the beach, and at the Lakers still to come, Luka suddenly had a thought. "I could get used to this...."
November 15, 2025 at 8:01 PM
dewno.bsky.social
me when i'm physically at the U.S. Capitol building and being asked about extrajudicial political violence that I'm in the process of supporting:
October 16, 2025 at 6:33 PM
dewno.bsky.social
i like that AI is such a stupid, all-encompassing buzzword that we're now applying it to stuff that we already did perfectly fine before LLMs, like using MCMCs to sim outcomes.
"IBM Match Insights" from the US Open showing Carlos Alcaraz with a 57% chance to win against Jannik Sinner, using "AI-generated previews of head-to-head matchups"
September 7, 2025 at 7:16 PM
dewno.bsky.social
@damonagnos.bsky.social some pictures of Green Lake
An extremely blue lake. The same blue lake, with some foliage in front and back of the lake, amply demonstrating the color contrast I essentially live on a blue lake. Our city logos represent the famously-blue lake water. This photo is of a lake that is perhaps equally blue, maybe moreso. Pictured: Green Lake in Seattle, WA
August 11, 2025 at 9:49 PM
dewno.bsky.social
Here are some from yesterday
Couple hours before sunset, the sun comes through the trees in a complex pattern Two trees of different species peek above a grassy hillside. I think this is how they thought of that one Rush song. You know, the one with the trees. You can see Madison's iconic Capitol and Lake Mendota skyline (around 10 miles away as the crow flies) from a high hillside at the far north of the preserve. Another tree. Mid-afternoon, clear skies.
April 21, 2025 at 4:29 AM
dewno.bsky.social
I took hundreds of photos this weekend while walking on some nature paths lol. Here are some that I took a few hours ago
Nest high up in tree amid a tangle of branches Tall complex tree beginning to bud Two trees fractally beginning to expand into one another's territory Glimpse into the nature preserve: trees and a path behind a road and red traffic lights, around sunset.
April 21, 2025 at 4:15 AM
dewno.bsky.social
I had already RT'd when I saw this follow-up lol. Your use of that clip has been some of your finest work over the last couple years

(Also love that Chuck's speech from "chicanery" is a certified youtube meme that large segments of the audience are fluent in)
Youtube comment saying "when chuck says chicanery one too many times"
April 10, 2025 at 8:46 PM
dewno.bsky.social
Screenshot of Balatro. The screenshot shows that I beat Ante 8 because I was "Saved by Mr. Bones". Because of a Double Tag and Investment Tag, I got $50.
March 29, 2025 at 11:37 PM
dewno.bsky.social
Zach Galifianakis in shades looking inscrutable, from the epilogue of "Haunted House" from Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories
February 11, 2025 at 3:50 AM
dewno.bsky.social
When we got Andrew Wiggin and Harrison Bergeron in the league:
Cartoon of man observing his calendar with horror as 2020 turns into 1984, which says something profound about society
February 6, 2025 at 1:55 AM
dewno.bsky.social
@docrostov.bsky.social from a group DM
February 2, 2025 at 9:10 PM
dewno.bsky.social
Spurs broadcast
January 19, 2025 at 9:39 PM
dewno.bsky.social
"Did your parents not sign the permission slip to go to the air show? That's alright, we've got some fun stuff here in homeroom! We've got some great VHS tapes, of, let's see, uhh, The McLaughlin Group. Some Madonna music videos. Mystery Men.

...

Fuck it. We're going to the air show. I'll drive."
Screenshot of gmail account with two promos, one from Max, one from Apple TV. Max's promo reads "Need weekend plans? See what's new on Max." Apple TV reads "The mind-blowing sensation Severance is back"
January 18, 2025 at 12:02 AM
dewno.bsky.social
Youtube comment: "The way in which he pronounces 'ridged chips' mirrors the crispness of the chips he is referencing" - a comment I can't find anymore that was perfect
December 20, 2024 at 3:36 AM
dewno.bsky.social
lmao
From the Canadian Wikipedia page for the Canadian "loonie" coin: "It was planned that the coin would continue using the voyageur theme of its predecessor, but the master dies that had been struck in Ottawa were lost in transit en route to the Mint's facility at Winnipeg.[12] A Commons committee struck to investigate the loss discovered that the Mint had no documented procedures for transport of master dies and that it had shipped them via a local courier in a bid to save $43.50. It was also found to be the third time that the Mint had lost master dies within five years.[13] An internal review by the Royal Canadian Mint argued that while a policy existed to ship the obverse and reverse dies separately, the new coin dies were packaged separately but were part of the same shipment. The Mint also disagreed with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police's contention that the dies were simply lost in transit, believing instead that they were stolen.[14] The dies were never recovered.[12]"
December 18, 2024 at 8:33 AM
dewno.bsky.social
What part did you fuck up? I'm always fucking up the potential plethora of other grains or vegetables, but the other parts I completely nail. I don't know why I keep trying to add a potential plethora of other grains or vegetables. It never turns out well.
Arroz con pollo Traditional dish of Spain and Latin America Arroz con pollo is a traditional dish of Latin America. It typically consists of chicken cooked with rice, onions, saffron, and a potential plethora of other grains or vegetables.
December 17, 2024 at 12:06 AM
dewno.bsky.social
Clip from the Simpsons "The Crepes of Wrath" where Homer settles a dinnertime argument: Homer says "Maybe Lisa's right about the campaign being a valid opportunity to stop fascism and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers."
December 15, 2024 at 9:23 PM
dewno.bsky.social
I was chasing down an original song that Art Tatum covered and stumbled upon this 1919 song, and the comments contain a songwriting joke that probably predates 1919

(N.B.: It is an instrumental.)
YouTube screenshot of a video from 2013 of the song "Dardanella" from 1919. The description specifically notes that the publisher "also wrote the lyrics." N.B.: It is an instrumental. Commenter on the Dardanella video noting "Great lyrics - they must have taken ages to write...!" N.B.: It is an instrumental.
November 15, 2024 at 5:01 PM
dewno.bsky.social
i mean do what you want but the reason i felt i couldn't stay here a year ago is exactly because of toxic sanctimony like this. i'm not going to bring my friends into a toxic environment where arbitrary, invented standards of morality are used to judge, gatekeep, and exclude them
post saying "Look, I'm glad you are here now but i need you to understand that you all spent a year longer at The Nazi Bar than you really had to and I'm gonna side eye all of you until you prove yourself to be safe people."
November 14, 2024 at 2:14 AM
dewno.bsky.social
[very Lonely Goatherd voice] (Please read the following to the melody and yodeling of the song "Lonely Goatherd" from "The Sound of Music") "🎶 Polls showing ties for the swing states' vote herd (according to binomial computations too!) 🎶The chance they're all true is thus quite remote, sir! (jpeg of "heartbreaking: the worst person you" (Note that I am quote-tweeting Nate Silver, who produced a graphic showing that the ties in swing state polls are statistically unlikely to be valid (even if we assume the polls are in fact tied in all seven states!) Silver concludes that pollsters are censoring data that points in one or the other direction in order to hedge, and uses a statistical analysis to demonstrate this) Then I follow up that tweet with my own reply to the post, saying "the venn diagram for this tweet is me". Pedantic note here: It really should say something like "the intersection of the Venn diagram for the demographic appeal of this tweet is me" but I thought I could convey the idea more succinctly by saying "the venn diagram for this tweet is me" given the way we tend to use the term as shorthand. Wow, that was a long explanation for a middling tweet that, as I said, mostly only appeals to me. Thanks for sticking it out. Sincerely. If you read this far, as a little bonus, here's a little tidbit: In 2016, Nate Silver addressed an audience at the Sloan Sports Conference. Despite his reputation as the ultimate poll/analytics guy, he admitted (at least at the time) that he himself did not vote! I was not there and there's no written record to my knowledge, but I'm close friends with one of the people in the audience. I speculate this was related to his academic pedigree at the UChicago econ department and the questionable logic of "marginal utility of a single vote is 0" that my wonderfully-dry econ 101 teacher in high school once wryly recited for our class, right around the time he got elected Village President.
November 2, 2024 at 1:20 AM
dewno.bsky.social
@damonagnos.bsky.social
September 1, 2024 at 7:28 PM
dewno.bsky.social
Zeus, after being tricked by Prometheus
I ate the bones?
December 22, 2023 at 12:40 AM
dewno.bsky.social
My profile picture, depicting Zach Galifianakis' character in the midst of contemplating math and various mathematical symbols, from the comedy film The Hangover
My profile picture, depicting Zach Galifianakis' character in the midst of contemplating math and various mathematical symbols, from the comedy film The Hangover
August 14, 2023 at 5:34 PM