Terry F
@daemonic3.bsky.social
I was named 2038 Person of the Year by TIME Travel magazine
honestly? what a way to go out
May 30, 2025 at 3:14 AM
honestly? what a way to go out
i wanted to make a joke about how it's 90 degrees outside but i couldn't find the right angle
February 11, 2025 at 6:39 AM
i wanted to make a joke about how it's 90 degrees outside but i couldn't find the right angle
Reposted by Terry F
look i know she ate a worm but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate
June 28, 2024 at 12:14 AM
look i know she ate a worm but we are not here to debate de bait deb ate
Reposted by Terry F
me: [using a sharpie to add lines for each kid's new height] hey look you've each grown an inch since last year's mark lol
7-11 employee: please stop marking on our height strip
7-11 employee: please stop marking on our height strip
December 2, 2024 at 4:06 PM
me: [using a sharpie to add lines for each kid's new height] hey look you've each grown an inch since last year's mark lol
7-11 employee: please stop marking on our height strip
7-11 employee: please stop marking on our height strip
whenever i write a dollar amount i always include the number of cents, but that's beside the point
December 21, 2024 at 8:16 PM
whenever i write a dollar amount i always include the number of cents, but that's beside the point
Reposted by Terry F
if you've seen one santa you've seen a mall
December 13, 2024 at 4:40 AM
if you've seen one santa you've seen a mall
if you've seen one santa you've seen a mall
December 13, 2024 at 4:40 AM
if you've seen one santa you've seen a mall
Reposted by Terry F
Friend: ants can lift 50 times their body weight. I wish I could do that
Me: dude you can easily lift 50 times an ant's body weight, that's like a staple
Me: dude you can easily lift 50 times an ant's body weight, that's like a staple
December 12, 2024 at 7:56 PM
Friend: ants can lift 50 times their body weight. I wish I could do that
Me: dude you can easily lift 50 times an ant's body weight, that's like a staple
Me: dude you can easily lift 50 times an ant's body weight, that's like a staple
Reposted by Terry F
All the other scientists are yelling at me because I’m wearing the Doomsday Clock like Flavor Flav
December 12, 2024 at 3:36 PM
All the other scientists are yelling at me because I’m wearing the Doomsday Clock like Flavor Flav
Reposted by Terry F
GRANDPA: *pulls a quarter out of each of my ears*
ME: Dude, put those back. I was listening to 50 Cent.
ME: Dude, put those back. I was listening to 50 Cent.
June 14, 2023 at 1:38 AM
GRANDPA: *pulls a quarter out of each of my ears*
ME: Dude, put those back. I was listening to 50 Cent.
ME: Dude, put those back. I was listening to 50 Cent.
Reposted by Terry F
[being chased by killer]
ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*
ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*
November 16, 2024 at 11:48 PM
[being chased by killer]
ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*
ME: *frantically pressing crosswalk button*
Reposted by Terry F
hospital boss: we're promoting you to the top position in our new ward
me: oh great! which ward?
hospital boss: psych!
me: aw dang, i thought you were serious :(
me: oh great! which ward?
hospital boss: psych!
me: aw dang, i thought you were serious :(
June 10, 2023 at 5:05 PM
hospital boss: we're promoting you to the top position in our new ward
me: oh great! which ward?
hospital boss: psych!
me: aw dang, i thought you were serious :(
me: oh great! which ward?
hospital boss: psych!
me: aw dang, i thought you were serious :(
Reposted by Terry F
Live, Laugh, Love that chicken from Popeyes
December 10, 2024 at 3:44 AM
Live, Laugh, Love that chicken from Popeyes
Reposted by Terry F
doctor: what seems to be the problem today
me: i broke my ankle recording a stunt for my epic youtube prank channel lol
doctor: i see [writes "patient is fucking cringe" on clipboard]
me: i broke my ankle recording a stunt for my epic youtube prank channel lol
doctor: i see [writes "patient is fucking cringe" on clipboard]
December 1, 2024 at 6:01 PM
doctor: what seems to be the problem today
me: i broke my ankle recording a stunt for my epic youtube prank channel lol
doctor: i see [writes "patient is fucking cringe" on clipboard]
me: i broke my ankle recording a stunt for my epic youtube prank channel lol
doctor: i see [writes "patient is fucking cringe" on clipboard]
[30 seconds before Mt Vesuvius erupts on Pompeii]
earth: watch me pop this zit lol
earth: watch me pop this zit lol
December 9, 2024 at 3:43 AM
[30 seconds before Mt Vesuvius erupts on Pompeii]
earth: watch me pop this zit lol
earth: watch me pop this zit lol
Reposted by Terry F
I’m feeling il [sic].
December 1, 2024 at 1:56 PM
I’m feeling il [sic].
Reposted by Terry F
[cryptozoologist meeting]
me: what are the results of this recent bigfoot sighting investigation?
fellow enthusiast: we only found one set of footprints and they were human
me: aha! [remembering hearing about a similar situation] that was when jesus carried the sasquatch
me: what are the results of this recent bigfoot sighting investigation?
fellow enthusiast: we only found one set of footprints and they were human
me: aha! [remembering hearing about a similar situation] that was when jesus carried the sasquatch
May 18, 2023 at 8:32 PM
[cryptozoologist meeting]
me: what are the results of this recent bigfoot sighting investigation?
fellow enthusiast: we only found one set of footprints and they were human
me: aha! [remembering hearing about a similar situation] that was when jesus carried the sasquatch
me: what are the results of this recent bigfoot sighting investigation?
fellow enthusiast: we only found one set of footprints and they were human
me: aha! [remembering hearing about a similar situation] that was when jesus carried the sasquatch
of course this isn't a bot account. they don't exist here on #(00, 00, FF) sky
December 4, 2024 at 3:56 PM
of course this isn't a bot account. they don't exist here on #(00, 00, FF) sky
Reposted by Terry F
Good cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Bad cop: gtfo of the car
Neighbor cop: I'm gonna borrow your lawnmower then return it broken
Bad cop: gtfo of the car
Neighbor cop: I'm gonna borrow your lawnmower then return it broken
December 4, 2024 at 2:59 PM
Good cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Bad cop: gtfo of the car
Neighbor cop: I'm gonna borrow your lawnmower then return it broken
Bad cop: gtfo of the car
Neighbor cop: I'm gonna borrow your lawnmower then return it broken
Reposted by Terry F
writing a theme song for locksmiths and omg so many key changes
November 16, 2024 at 6:58 AM
writing a theme song for locksmiths and omg so many key changes
me: i need a dr appointment
reception: plz verify your birthday
me: it's this friday
reception: thanks
me: but you don't have to get me anything
reception: um, ok
me: there's really nothing i need
reception: i wasn-
me: size 12. in rollerblades i'm size 12
reception: plz verify your birthday
me: it's this friday
reception: thanks
me: but you don't have to get me anything
reception: um, ok
me: there's really nothing i need
reception: i wasn-
me: size 12. in rollerblades i'm size 12
December 3, 2024 at 12:08 AM
me: i need a dr appointment
reception: plz verify your birthday
me: it's this friday
reception: thanks
me: but you don't have to get me anything
reception: um, ok
me: there's really nothing i need
reception: i wasn-
me: size 12. in rollerblades i'm size 12
reception: plz verify your birthday
me: it's this friday
reception: thanks
me: but you don't have to get me anything
reception: um, ok
me: there's really nothing i need
reception: i wasn-
me: size 12. in rollerblades i'm size 12
Reposted by Terry F
[while being tackled by police dog] what's his name?
November 22, 2024 at 3:07 PM
[while being tackled by police dog] what's his name?
Reposted by Terry F
where you see only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, that is where redbull gave you wings
November 19, 2024 at 11:56 PM
where you see only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, that is where redbull gave you wings