🐄📏👖🩳
@clflngthjnshrts.bsky.social
Smartest dumbass you've met this week
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sitting on the curb by the gas station eating an 8 pack of edible panties
January 27, 2026 at 6:15 PM
sitting on the curb by the gas station eating an 8 pack of edible panties
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when i run out of things to talk to my therapist about we do donuts in the parking lot
January 27, 2026 at 6:29 PM
when i run out of things to talk to my therapist about we do donuts in the parking lot
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Reminder that this person has millions of subscribers to her show lol
January 27, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Reminder that this person has millions of subscribers to her show lol
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new york magazine has a very nasty article out about my beautiful golden throne, which they say is the only thing keeping me alive. when I'm sitting on my big beautiful throne I am NOT ASLEEP!! I am directing the beacon of the astronomican, something sleepy joe did very badly may I add
January 26, 2026 at 4:11 PM
new york magazine has a very nasty article out about my beautiful golden throne, which they say is the only thing keeping me alive. when I'm sitting on my big beautiful throne I am NOT ASLEEP!! I am directing the beacon of the astronomican, something sleepy joe did very badly may I add
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The media should cover sport the way they cover the state murder of civilians:
‘Jannik Sinner appeared to win the French Open yesterday after what supporters say was a comeback from being two sets down.’
‘Jannik Sinner appeared to win the French Open yesterday after what supporters say was a comeback from being two sets down.’
January 25, 2026 at 1:57 PM
The media should cover sport the way they cover the state murder of civilians:
‘Jannik Sinner appeared to win the French Open yesterday after what supporters say was a comeback from being two sets down.’
‘Jannik Sinner appeared to win the French Open yesterday after what supporters say was a comeback from being two sets down.’
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i fear the democratic party dream of making it 1995 again forever may now be impossible to achieve
January 24, 2026 at 5:38 PM
i fear the democratic party dream of making it 1995 again forever may now be impossible to achieve
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Democrats shouldn't try to close ICE detention facilities but instead focus on fostering a culture of abundance within those ICE detention facilities
January 23, 2026 at 7:37 PM
Democrats shouldn't try to close ICE detention facilities but instead focus on fostering a culture of abundance within those ICE detention facilities
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I’m conducting a 30 year experiment to see what happens if you never get a good night’s sleep
January 24, 2026 at 1:11 AM
I’m conducting a 30 year experiment to see what happens if you never get a good night’s sleep
my other time machine is a hot dog
January 24, 2026 at 6:28 AM
my other time machine is a hot dog
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Starfleet academy bravely asks the question: what if the federation sucks actually? A question bravely asked by almost every star trek show and episode since ds9 ended 20 years ago.
January 23, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Starfleet academy bravely asks the question: what if the federation sucks actually? A question bravely asked by almost every star trek show and episode since ds9 ended 20 years ago.
Tired of all these articles about rich thin white people saying how fucked up they are. I'm way more fucked up and you won't see my article about it.
January 22, 2026 at 11:47 PM
Tired of all these articles about rich thin white people saying how fucked up they are. I'm way more fucked up and you won't see my article about it.
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Bro, BRO! Were you staring at my void? You know how it gets when you stare at it what the FUCK. Now it's going to be staring at us for like, two weeks minimum. This is why your mom won't let you have a void, bro. Grow up.
April 7, 2024 at 2:56 PM
Bro, BRO! Were you staring at my void? You know how it gets when you stare at it what the FUCK. Now it's going to be staring at us for like, two weeks minimum. This is why your mom won't let you have a void, bro. Grow up.
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Business idea: bagged hot dog water branded for DINKs
October 21, 2024 at 8:25 PM
Business idea: bagged hot dog water branded for DINKs
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Recently had cause to remember that I did so bad on the ADHD test they at first thought I was failing it on purpose for drug-seeking.
December 22, 2024 at 4:49 AM
Recently had cause to remember that I did so bad on the ADHD test they at first thought I was failing it on purpose for drug-seeking.
Going to therapy has made me aware of how I was living in a straightjacket of shame. I read feminist literature and I relate strongly to a lot of talk about shame. I don't think women are aware of how much men deal with similar issues of being shamed for their appearance and their sexuality.
January 22, 2026 at 4:21 PM
Going to therapy has made me aware of how I was living in a straightjacket of shame. I read feminist literature and I relate strongly to a lot of talk about shame. I don't think women are aware of how much men deal with similar issues of being shamed for their appearance and their sexuality.
There used to be a cartoon on TV that had a girl Hitler. You don't see that anymore.
January 22, 2026 at 1:01 PM
There used to be a cartoon on TV that had a girl Hitler. You don't see that anymore.
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Still the best lunch bargain anywhere: big old hotdog and a Coke for $1.50 at Costco.
January 20, 2026 at 4:17 PM
Still the best lunch bargain anywhere: big old hotdog and a Coke for $1.50 at Costco.
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i do not like how my career and my life both keep getting more and more cyberpunk without my consent
January 20, 2026 at 9:38 PM
i do not like how my career and my life both keep getting more and more cyberpunk without my consent
Been reading substack for about a week and the main impression I've come away with is that substack is rich and white and thin
January 20, 2026 at 4:29 AM
Been reading substack for about a week and the main impression I've come away with is that substack is rich and white and thin
Yet another "If Trump was a Russian asset what would he be doing differently" scenario.
Trump will likely try to make Denmark choose between NATO and Greenland, and wider Europe between Greenland and Ukraine.
But luckily Trump has also demonstrated that under his leadership, any US security guarantee won’t be worth much. So the choice should be simple.
But luckily Trump has also demonstrated that under his leadership, any US security guarantee won’t be worth much. So the choice should be simple.
What European leaders have been most nervous about is the US pulling back on NATO or Ukraine… but how can Europe trust the US will come to its defense if its trying to seize territory from a NATO country. They can’t. So why cave to keep a security commitment that is not real. 6/
January 18, 2026 at 4:25 PM
Yet another "If Trump was a Russian asset what would he be doing differently" scenario.
When you stop to consider class and the loneliness epidemic and hookup culture, one analysis falls out pretty quickly:
Casual sex (i.e. with multiple loosely connected partners) is an expensive leisure activity.
No wonder fewer people are having it even as it is widely promoted on screens.
Casual sex (i.e. with multiple loosely connected partners) is an expensive leisure activity.
No wonder fewer people are having it even as it is widely promoted on screens.
January 18, 2026 at 1:54 PM
When you stop to consider class and the loneliness epidemic and hookup culture, one analysis falls out pretty quickly:
Casual sex (i.e. with multiple loosely connected partners) is an expensive leisure activity.
No wonder fewer people are having it even as it is widely promoted on screens.
Casual sex (i.e. with multiple loosely connected partners) is an expensive leisure activity.
No wonder fewer people are having it even as it is widely promoted on screens.
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BAGGER: (spilling my groceries on the floor) Oh God. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I'm supposed to do.
ME: How are you supposed to do it?
MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.
BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.
ME: How are you supposed to do it?
MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.
BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.
January 17, 2026 at 10:44 AM
BAGGER: (spilling my groceries on the floor) Oh God. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I'm supposed to do.
ME: How are you supposed to do it?
MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.
BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.
ME: How are you supposed to do it?
MANAGER: She means she was gonna be a fox. In the woods and shit. But something happened and she got stuck.
BAGGER: (crying) Got so stuck.
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Once again my haters have tricked me into loving them
December 3, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Once again my haters have tricked me into loving them