Pinned
*takes Xanax in slow motion*
Reposted
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
Reposted
I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
November 24, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
Reposted
I loved old school Twitter. I "met" many of you there.
I cannot wait until it is deleted in its entirety and the only vestiges of it are those dril screenshots.
I cannot wait until it is deleted in its entirety and the only vestiges of it are those dril screenshots.
November 23, 2025 at 5:17 PM
I loved old school Twitter. I "met" many of you there.
I cannot wait until it is deleted in its entirety and the only vestiges of it are those dril screenshots.
I cannot wait until it is deleted in its entirety and the only vestiges of it are those dril screenshots.
Reposted
I'm sexualizing depression
November 22, 2025 at 4:27 AM
I'm sexualizing depression
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first date idea: I eat a rotisserie chicken and you're in your home, eating your own rotisserie chicken
November 17, 2025 at 10:24 PM
first date idea: I eat a rotisserie chicken and you're in your home, eating your own rotisserie chicken
customer service: is there anything else I can help you with?
me: you literally made my life worse
me: you literally made my life worse
November 12, 2025 at 12:23 AM
customer service: is there anything else I can help you with?
me: you literally made my life worse
me: you literally made my life worse
Reposted
Putting "in loving memory of times gone by" on all rear windows that face vintage racecar crash stock footage
November 10, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Putting "in loving memory of times gone by" on all rear windows that face vintage racecar crash stock footage
Reposted
Your pin number should be three months salary but no one gets moneyed anymore
November 7, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Your pin number should be three months salary but no one gets moneyed anymore
I just got the sudden urge to watch The Golden Girls (I wish I was joking) if you want to know how my Friday night is starting out. Let’s fucking party.
November 8, 2025 at 1:50 AM
I just got the sudden urge to watch The Golden Girls (I wish I was joking) if you want to know how my Friday night is starting out. Let’s fucking party.
Reposted
Long live, "Sandwich Man!"
November 6, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Long live, "Sandwich Man!"
Reposted
Woke up sanity adjacent again.
November 6, 2025 at 12:50 PM
Woke up sanity adjacent again.
Reposted
Too sad to look at porn, that's sleazonal depression.
November 6, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Too sad to look at porn, that's sleazonal depression.
Reposted
i can drink a capri sun in less than 5 seconds
November 5, 2025 at 9:54 PM
i can drink a capri sun in less than 5 seconds
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oh baby have I got quirks
November 5, 2025 at 1:49 PM
oh baby have I got quirks
People used to share handkerchiefs.
November 3, 2025 at 8:55 PM
People used to share handkerchiefs.
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this place isn’t as flirty as it used to be
November 3, 2025 at 4:03 AM
this place isn’t as flirty as it used to be
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[serious voice after clearing throat] i need to be more fun
October 27, 2025 at 7:22 PM
[serious voice after clearing throat] i need to be more fun
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tumultuous business
October 24, 2025 at 4:47 PM
tumultuous business
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Keep checking to see if the Constitution ends up on eBay
October 22, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Keep checking to see if the Constitution ends up on eBay
Reposted
anyway so i’ve been thinking
October 21, 2025 at 4:00 PM
anyway so i’ve been thinking
Reposted
sending voice notes out into the universe hope you get it
October 21, 2025 at 3:11 PM
sending voice notes out into the universe hope you get it
Reposted
Shoutout to whoever was like the news sucks, let’s spice it up by doing a jewel heist at the Louvre
October 19, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Shoutout to whoever was like the news sucks, let’s spice it up by doing a jewel heist at the Louvre
Reposted
the Muppets have been real quiet since the Louvre heist
October 19, 2025 at 10:19 PM
the Muppets have been real quiet since the Louvre heist
Reposted
Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)
August 24, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Neither shitposter nor hitposter but a secret absurd thing (fortune pierogi)
Reposted
Love Is Blind is so cringe now it’s giving “we just met in the comments section on social and now we’re soulmates.”
October 10, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Love Is Blind is so cringe now it’s giving “we just met in the comments section on social and now we’re soulmates.”