Bethany Black
@bethanyblack.bsky.social
Your favourite comedian’s least favourite comedian. Buy my live stand-up special at www.gofasterstripe.com/bet
Pinned
Another reminder: I have it set so people I don’t follow can’t reply for a very good reason right now. I’m in autistic burnout and interactions are very difficult for me. Anyone circumventing that because they really feel I need to read their opinion on something I posted will be blocked immediately
Steroid injection in the hip: a 2 on the Black Pain Index, my index of most to least painful things. Slightly less painful than picking up a pointy screw, slightly more painful than accidentally banging your shoulder on a wall. Can’t believe I worried it’d be painful.
November 11, 2025 at 10:37 AM
Steroid injection in the hip: a 2 on the Black Pain Index, my index of most to least painful things. Slightly less painful than picking up a pointy screw, slightly more painful than accidentally banging your shoulder on a wall. Can’t believe I worried it’d be painful.
Picked up this bargain on Ebay
November 11, 2025 at 8:02 AM
Picked up this bargain on Ebay
Trying to imagine what kind of loser you’d have to be to watch or listen to Diary of A CEO. Do you not get enough of the dumbest rich people lying to you day to day without actively seeking more of it out? As my dad says: thicker than a Boxing Day shite
November 11, 2025 at 7:46 AM
Trying to imagine what kind of loser you’d have to be to watch or listen to Diary of A CEO. Do you not get enough of the dumbest rich people lying to you day to day without actively seeking more of it out? As my dad says: thicker than a Boxing Day shite
Eugh. Off for a steroid injection in my hip. Followed by a full day of sitting down not moving whilst it takes effect
November 11, 2025 at 7:41 AM
Eugh. Off for a steroid injection in my hip. Followed by a full day of sitting down not moving whilst it takes effect
Reposted by Bethany Black
I admire people bringing books out written by ghost writers. Must take fucking ages on the ouija board one letter at a time
November 10, 2025 at 5:23 PM
I admire people bringing books out written by ghost writers. Must take fucking ages on the ouija board one letter at a time
An Oxbridge man replying to Brittney telling him her latest struggles
November 10, 2025 at 12:30 PM
An Oxbridge man replying to Brittney telling him her latest struggles
Reposted by Bethany Black
ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS.
November 10, 2025 at 7:35 AM
ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS.
For anyone who’s known me since the early days on Twitter, I’m about to make you feel super old, I’m sorry, but it was 13 years ago today that I broke my leg.
November 10, 2025 at 12:19 PM
For anyone who’s known me since the early days on Twitter, I’m about to make you feel super old, I’m sorry, but it was 13 years ago today that I broke my leg.
Reposted by Bethany Black
Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.
November 10, 2025 at 10:54 AM
Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.
Reposted by Bethany Black
passport: approved! it's taken almost 10 years to hit this point and a frankly baffling amount of money. we will be celebrating this victory, and never forget: abolish the home office
what's it like inside your head?
November 10, 2025 at 11:06 AM
passport: approved! it's taken almost 10 years to hit this point and a frankly baffling amount of money. we will be celebrating this victory, and never forget: abolish the home office
Yes! Got my access to work grant approved. I’ll get 5 hours per week help with the things that I really struggle with with my job and some coaching :)
Let’s hope this bodes well for next week’s PIP tribunal which has currently consumed 80% of my waking hours for the last 6 months
Let’s hope this bodes well for next week’s PIP tribunal which has currently consumed 80% of my waking hours for the last 6 months
November 10, 2025 at 11:01 AM
Yes! Got my access to work grant approved. I’ll get 5 hours per week help with the things that I really struggle with with my job and some coaching :)
Let’s hope this bodes well for next week’s PIP tribunal which has currently consumed 80% of my waking hours for the last 6 months
Let’s hope this bodes well for next week’s PIP tribunal which has currently consumed 80% of my waking hours for the last 6 months
Sometimes people ask why I have conservative friends, and that’s because the job I have I mix with them, but also that historically with almost all of them their conservatism hasn’t survived our friendship, and as a disabled trans lesbian with an immigrant partner, no one’s more woke than an ex tory
November 10, 2025 at 9:53 AM
Sometimes people ask why I have conservative friends, and that’s because the job I have I mix with them, but also that historically with almost all of them their conservatism hasn’t survived our friendship, and as a disabled trans lesbian with an immigrant partner, no one’s more woke than an ex tory
Reposted by Bethany Black
[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken]
CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter
CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter
March 14, 2025 at 2:36 AM
[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken]
CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter
CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter
Who called it a colonoscopy and not a colitiscope?
November 9, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Who called it a colonoscopy and not a colitiscope?
Reposted by Bethany Black
Zohran Mamdani: “I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I imposed sharia law 35 minutes ago”
November 9, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Zohran Mamdani: “I'm not a Republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I imposed sharia law 35 minutes ago”
Reposted by Bethany Black
no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy
November 9, 2025 at 3:05 PM
no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy
Reposted by Bethany Black
If they only knew how to zoom in, they might just be able to make out the red poppy too....
November 9, 2025 at 12:10 PM
If they only knew how to zoom in, they might just be able to make out the red poppy too....
This is kind of the point of AI, not to make you believe AI is real, but to disbelieve the real (and not just the Lacanian notion of the real *smug New Yorker reader laugh*)
I spotted this on Mastodon and I find it horrible, not least for the speed with which this has happened.
November 9, 2025 at 3:46 PM
This is kind of the point of AI, not to make you believe AI is real, but to disbelieve the real (and not just the Lacanian notion of the real *smug New Yorker reader laugh*)
If I ever die in tragic circumstances, I would very much like you first thought, and the thing you write under the post where you find out about it “ooh, she won’t have liked that”
November 9, 2025 at 3:39 PM
If I ever die in tragic circumstances, I would very much like you first thought, and the thing you write under the post where you find out about it “ooh, she won’t have liked that”
Reposted by Bethany Black
Spent a top afternoon in the local library in Stourbridge. What a rare pleasure to be surrounded by ideas and opinions and have many of them be well-written, well-researched, and here’s the fun bit, NOT SCREAMING AND WHINING AND TRYING TO USE AI TO MAKE UP FOR THEIR LACK OF LOVE
Warm and cosy, too!
Warm and cosy, too!
November 9, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Spent a top afternoon in the local library in Stourbridge. What a rare pleasure to be surrounded by ideas and opinions and have many of them be well-written, well-researched, and here’s the fun bit, NOT SCREAMING AND WHINING AND TRYING TO USE AI TO MAKE UP FOR THEIR LACK OF LOVE
Warm and cosy, too!
Warm and cosy, too!
Reposted by Bethany Black
Conservatism: the irrational fear that someone, somewhere might be getting a free ride
November 8, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Conservatism: the irrational fear that someone, somewhere might be getting a free ride
Was trying to find a Linda Belcher collection with her talking about the Mayor to use going “People who weren’t overtly political until the last few weeks” and someone’s already beaten me to it
November 9, 2025 at 12:42 PM
Was trying to find a Linda Belcher collection with her talking about the Mayor to use going “People who weren’t overtly political until the last few weeks” and someone’s already beaten me to it
Just thinking, Predator is the only fiction movie to have two US Governors in the main cast.
Schwarzenegger was Governor of California and Jesse The Body Ventura was Governor of Minnesota
Schwarzenegger was Governor of California and Jesse The Body Ventura was Governor of Minnesota
November 9, 2025 at 12:37 PM
Just thinking, Predator is the only fiction movie to have two US Governors in the main cast.
Schwarzenegger was Governor of California and Jesse The Body Ventura was Governor of Minnesota
Schwarzenegger was Governor of California and Jesse The Body Ventura was Governor of Minnesota