Pinned
Autotuned
@autotuned.bsky.social
· Nov 23
Just got your text.
Are we still on for last night?
Are we still on for last night?
The only marathon I run is 3 seasons of a show in 1 weekend
November 11, 2025 at 4:03 PM
The only marathon I run is 3 seasons of a show in 1 weekend
I don’t argue. I just explain louder.
November 8, 2025 at 2:03 PM
I don’t argue. I just explain louder.
Reposted by Autotuned
I’ll pay you in Kohls Cash final offer
- Contract negotiations
- Contract negotiations
November 7, 2025 at 4:41 PM
I’ll pay you in Kohls Cash final offer
- Contract negotiations
- Contract negotiations
You do realize that just because you talk on your Apple Watch, that does not make you a Power Ranger, right?
November 7, 2025 at 8:46 PM
You do realize that just because you talk on your Apple Watch, that does not make you a Power Ranger, right?
Reposted by Autotuned
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
November 7, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
Reposted by Autotuned
Russian agent: With which bird-watching group are you affiliated?
007: Bon. Audubon.
007: Bon. Audubon.
October 28, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Russian agent: With which bird-watching group are you affiliated?
007: Bon. Audubon.
007: Bon. Audubon.
Reposted by Autotuned
"Any last words?"
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
November 3, 2025 at 12:26 AM
"Any last words?"
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
"SHORT-LIVED RHYMES WITH ARRIVED. AND THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES IN ALLEGED."
Reposted by Autotuned
Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
November 6, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Give it to me, baby
[me when I take candy from a baby]
[me when I take candy from a baby]
Reposted by Autotuned
You had me at “I like a girl with personality” because I have a few.
November 7, 2025 at 1:41 AM
You had me at “I like a girl with personality” because I have a few.
Reposted by Autotuned
A smutty bookstore called Happy Endings.
May 17, 2025 at 4:08 PM
A smutty bookstore called Happy Endings.
Reposted by Autotuned
Exercising out of spite is still exercise.
January 21, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Exercising out of spite is still exercise.
Reposted by Autotuned
I live in mortal fear of mispronouncing pecan in public.
November 3, 2025 at 12:19 AM
I live in mortal fear of mispronouncing pecan in public.
Another day and my ducks still aren’t in a row
November 3, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Another day and my ducks still aren’t in a row
Reposted by Autotuned
I'm finding it hard to keep myself uninformed.
November 3, 2025 at 7:16 PM
I'm finding it hard to keep myself uninformed.
Reposted by Autotuned
Monday hates you too
September 22, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Monday hates you too
Reposted by Autotuned
What season is it?
Walmart: yes
Walmart: yes
November 1, 2025 at 4:48 PM
What season is it?
Walmart: yes
Walmart: yes
You break me you buy me
November 2, 2025 at 2:50 PM
You break me you buy me
Music is one hell of a drug
November 2, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Music is one hell of a drug
Reposted by Autotuned
I generally chase my multivitamin with Tito’s
April 30, 2025 at 12:10 AM
I generally chase my multivitamin with Tito’s
Is it a November To Remember yet?
November 1, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Is it a November To Remember yet?
Reposted by Autotuned
I write "how are ya" so they know I care but don't expect a very serious response
October 30, 2025 at 1:56 PM
I write "how are ya" so they know I care but don't expect a very serious response
Reposted by Autotuned
One scoop of mashed potatoes per person and DON'T WALK ON THE GRASS
October 31, 2025 at 11:33 PM
One scoop of mashed potatoes per person and DON'T WALK ON THE GRASS
What do you call a ghost’s breasts?
Paranormal entities.
Paranormal entities.
October 31, 2025 at 11:58 PM
What do you call a ghost’s breasts?
Paranormal entities.
Paranormal entities.
Unfortunately, true
October 30, 2025 at 1:51 PM
Unfortunately, true
