Absynth Lover
@absynthlover.bsky.social
Twitter Reject...Did Not Drink The Orange Kool-Aid...Now Get Off My Lawn...
Pinned
Absynth Lover
@absynthlover.bsky.social
· Nov 23
My inner circle has become so small, my only friends are the voices in my head.
To all of you people who are super organized and "have a place for everything and everything in its place," what's it like to be God's favorite? And also, fuck you.
March 18, 2025 at 7:53 PM
To all of you people who are super organized and "have a place for everything and everything in its place," what's it like to be God's favorite? And also, fuck you.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
You mix the signals, I’ll mix the drinks.
March 8, 2025 at 2:35 PM
You mix the signals, I’ll mix the drinks.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
A denial a day keeps the doctor away.
March 13, 2025 at 6:46 PM
A denial a day keeps the doctor away.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
I've just been talking to God, mainly on the account of head butting the bathroom door when picking up a towel.
March 16, 2025 at 3:17 PM
I've just been talking to God, mainly on the account of head butting the bathroom door when picking up a towel.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Thank you for the invitation to your party. May I ask, what is your Dorito situation?
March 16, 2025 at 12:38 PM
Thank you for the invitation to your party. May I ask, what is your Dorito situation?
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Laying awake all night waiting for people to confirm they still don’t hate you is exhausting
March 18, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Laying awake all night waiting for people to confirm they still don’t hate you is exhausting
Reposted by Absynth Lover
[flirtatiously placing my hand on his thigh at the bar]
So where’s *Mrs* Potatohead tonight?
So where’s *Mrs* Potatohead tonight?
January 31, 2025 at 2:14 PM
[flirtatiously placing my hand on his thigh at the bar]
So where’s *Mrs* Potatohead tonight?
So where’s *Mrs* Potatohead tonight?
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Me: How do you know I'm an organic cyclic compound? I could be a Terminator.
Him: I just watched you walk into a door frame.
Me: So, a drunk Terminator.
Him: I just watched you walk into a door frame.
Me: So, a drunk Terminator.
March 15, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Me: How do you know I'm an organic cyclic compound? I could be a Terminator.
Him: I just watched you walk into a door frame.
Me: So, a drunk Terminator.
Him: I just watched you walk into a door frame.
Me: So, a drunk Terminator.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
If someone you know is crying, ask them if it’s because of their haircut.
March 16, 2025 at 7:14 PM
If someone you know is crying, ask them if it’s because of their haircut.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
When friends or family members asks me if I'm seeing anyone I automatically assume they're talking about a shrink.
March 18, 2025 at 5:48 PM
When friends or family members asks me if I'm seeing anyone I automatically assume they're talking about a shrink.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
On days like today when I hate my job I just remind myself that someone out there is Marjorie Taylor Greene's podiatrist.
March 18, 2025 at 5:54 PM
On days like today when I hate my job I just remind myself that someone out there is Marjorie Taylor Greene's podiatrist.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Disco conspiracy theory. Studio 51
March 18, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Disco conspiracy theory. Studio 51
Reposted by Absynth Lover
the reason I use a spray rather than aloe gel for sunburn is because I don’t like applying that gel directly to my butthole
March 17, 2025 at 5:55 PM
the reason I use a spray rather than aloe gel for sunburn is because I don’t like applying that gel directly to my butthole
Reposted by Absynth Lover
peak male performance can’t be encapsulated in a boner pill
everybody knows it’s encapsulated in a Doan’s backache pill
everybody knows it’s encapsulated in a Doan’s backache pill
March 18, 2025 at 2:52 AM
peak male performance can’t be encapsulated in a boner pill
everybody knows it’s encapsulated in a Doan’s backache pill
everybody knows it’s encapsulated in a Doan’s backache pill
Reposted by Absynth Lover
If you say so, I smilingly disagreed.
March 16, 2025 at 12:51 PM
If you say so, I smilingly disagreed.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
The urge to make homemade noodles fades and a kitchen table stays hidden under its blanket of mail.
March 18, 2025 at 9:47 AM
The urge to make homemade noodles fades and a kitchen table stays hidden under its blanket of mail.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Social media is fun because you basically just talk to yourself and sometimes a stranger replies to yell at you about why you’re wrong
February 26, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Social media is fun because you basically just talk to yourself and sometimes a stranger replies to yell at you about why you’re wrong
Reposted by Absynth Lover
my left big toe hurts and WebMD says I should die about it
March 13, 2025 at 2:06 PM
my left big toe hurts and WebMD says I should die about it
Reposted by Absynth Lover
I’m not unfunny often but when I am I make sure to skeet
March 12, 2025 at 3:11 PM
I’m not unfunny often but when I am I make sure to skeet
Reposted by Absynth Lover
I've clenched my teeth in anger so much lately that I now have the bite force of a spotted hyena.
March 14, 2025 at 11:10 AM
I've clenched my teeth in anger so much lately that I now have the bite force of a spotted hyena.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Him: What's your five year plan?
Me: Bold of you to assume the human race will be here in five years.
Me: Bold of you to assume the human race will be here in five years.
March 15, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Him: What's your five year plan?
Me: Bold of you to assume the human race will be here in five years.
Me: Bold of you to assume the human race will be here in five years.
Reposted by Absynth Lover
Can't. Curating my bad life choices spreadsheet.
March 16, 2025 at 10:16 AM
Can't. Curating my bad life choices spreadsheet.