Ryan Kallberg
@absinthetics.bsky.social
here exclusively to post bad takes on DAS BOOT
formerly: The Onion, the reality TV industry, the poker tables, the bottom of a black hole
formerly: The Onion, the reality TV industry, the poker tables, the bottom of a black hole
Pinned
Ryan Kallberg
@absinthetics.bsky.social
· Dec 25
Santa is real and always has been, you idiots. You just stopped being nice.
It's not like he didn't warn you.
It's not like he didn't warn you.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Look, I don't know why Death's selection list has been fucked since Prince, but we're going to need an elite heist team of religious scholars, metaphysicists, occultists and a cat burglar and we're going to go fix this shit.
James Van Der Beek, the actor best known for playing the lead in hit 90s teen drama Dawson’s Creek, has died.
February 11, 2026 at 8:39 PM
Look, I don't know why Death's selection list has been fucked since Prince, but we're going to need an elite heist team of religious scholars, metaphysicists, occultists and a cat burglar and we're going to go fix this shit.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
“I’m mad I can’t understand Bad Bunny’s lyrics because they’re not in English”
my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist
my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist
February 9, 2026 at 5:46 AM
“I’m mad I can’t understand Bad Bunny’s lyrics because they’re not in English”
my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist
my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist
Dumbest impeachable offense ever?
Acive duty military are being ordered to buy a ticket to Melania and watch it, whether they want to, or not. www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/mil...
Military Pressured to See ‘Melania’ Against Their Will
A military group has evidence of troops being ordered into theater—the movie theater.
www.thedailybeast.com
February 7, 2026 at 9:51 AM
Dumbest impeachable offense ever?
I did something tonight I haven’t done in thirty years and it wasn’t drugs.
February 7, 2026 at 7:56 AM
I did something tonight I haven’t done in thirty years and it wasn’t drugs.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Vance undermining the US Olympic Team would be too on the nose
American star Alysa Liu overcame a delay en route to the Milano Skating Arena caused by Vice President JD Vance’s motorcade and finished second in the women’s short program at the Olympics team event.
“We almost didn’t make it,” her coach said.
“We almost didn’t make it,” her coach said.
Nothing could stop the U.S. figure skating team. Not even JD Vance’s motorcade.
Alysa Liu and world champion dance team of Madison Chock and Evan Bates have the Americans leading the team event after day one.
www.washingtonpost.com
February 7, 2026 at 1:39 AM
Vance undermining the US Olympic Team would be too on the nose
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The Melania Cinematic Universe
February 7, 2026 at 6:08 AM
The Melania Cinematic Universe
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Amy Klobuchar running for Governor of Minnesota
February 6, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Amy Klobuchar running for Governor of Minnesota
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
I was radicalized years ago by getting added to a food writers forum in which I learned that the food writing industry is so godawful that many recipe writers end up just making things up or estimating because they aren't given time to try out the recipes. It's not you!
February 6, 2026 at 11:42 PM
I was radicalized years ago by getting added to a food writers forum in which I learned that the food writing industry is so godawful that many recipe writers end up just making things up or estimating because they aren't given time to try out the recipes. It's not you!
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Something incredible is happening in the Magic: The Gathering community.
The prolific MTG Youtube channel Tolarian Community College has raised $450,000 and growing for Trans Lifeline.
Read our writer S. Baum's story here and go pitch in!
www.erininthemorning.com/p/magic-the-...
The prolific MTG Youtube channel Tolarian Community College has raised $450,000 and growing for Trans Lifeline.
Read our writer S. Baum's story here and go pitch in!
www.erininthemorning.com/p/magic-the-...
“Magic: The Gathering” Gathers for Trans Lives, Raises $450,000 in Less Than Two Days
“Magic is political.”
www.erininthemorning.com
February 6, 2026 at 6:15 PM
Something incredible is happening in the Magic: The Gathering community.
The prolific MTG Youtube channel Tolarian Community College has raised $450,000 and growing for Trans Lifeline.
Read our writer S. Baum's story here and go pitch in!
www.erininthemorning.com/p/magic-the-...
The prolific MTG Youtube channel Tolarian Community College has raised $450,000 and growing for Trans Lifeline.
Read our writer S. Baum's story here and go pitch in!
www.erininthemorning.com/p/magic-the-...
If I’ve learned anything from playing Cyberpunk 2077 it’s that in the future all text will be too small for me to read.
February 5, 2026 at 3:34 AM
If I’ve learned anything from playing Cyberpunk 2077 it’s that in the future all text will be too small for me to read.
I knew they were lying when they claimed to have survived being attacked by a Minnesotan armed with a snow shovel.
Remember the incident where DHS claimed officers shot a guy because he attacked them with a snow shovel?
Yeah. It didn't happen. They shot him through the door of his own home. And then arrested him. And then lied about it. Again.
And they almost shot some kids in the process.
Yeah. It didn't happen. They shot him through the door of his own home. And then arrested him. And then lied about it. Again.
And they almost shot some kids in the process.
They just blindly shot through the fucking door.
"Additional photographs show damage consistent with a bullet fragment lodged in a bedroom wall down the hallway — suggesting it traveled between a mattress and a portable crib in a room where several small children sleep."
"Additional photographs show damage consistent with a bullet fragment lodged in a bedroom wall down the hallway — suggesting it traveled between a mattress and a portable crib in a room where several small children sleep."
February 4, 2026 at 1:35 AM
I knew they were lying when they claimed to have survived being attacked by a Minnesotan armed with a snow shovel.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Kindle version of @jwomack.bsky.social's "Random Acts of Senseless Violence" is on sale in case reality isn't grim enough.
www.amazon.com/dp/B008V460XS
www.amazon.com/dp/B008V460XS
Random Acts of Senseless Violence
Random Acts of Senseless Violence - Kindle edition by Womack, Jack. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets. Use features like bookmarks, note taking and highlighting while reading Random Acts of Senseless Violence.
www.amazon.com
February 1, 2026 at 4:50 PM
Kindle version of @jwomack.bsky.social's "Random Acts of Senseless Violence" is on sale in case reality isn't grim enough.
www.amazon.com/dp/B008V460XS
www.amazon.com/dp/B008V460XS
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
shame about the kennedy center closing. here i had already purchased season tickets for “scott baio’s world of shakespeare.”
February 2, 2026 at 5:48 AM
shame about the kennedy center closing. here i had already purchased season tickets for “scott baio’s world of shakespeare.”
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
'measles outbreak at the child prison' seems entirely avoidable, it's really the kind of thing that only happens if you do several unthinkably evil things on purpose all at once
Horrifying. ICE confirms measles outbreak at Dilley family detention center. www.cbsnews.com/news/ice-dil...
ICE halts "all movement" at Texas detention facility due to measles infections
The measles cases at the Dilley Immigration Processing Center were detected Friday, Department of Homeland Security spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin said in a statement to CBS News.
www.cbsnews.com
February 2, 2026 at 4:31 AM
'measles outbreak at the child prison' seems entirely avoidable, it's really the kind of thing that only happens if you do several unthinkably evil things on purpose all at once
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Sight in San Francisco (from a friend)
February 1, 2026 at 7:26 PM
Sight in San Francisco (from a friend)
if everybody could just stop being a creep for five fucking seconds
February 1, 2026 at 9:37 PM
if everybody could just stop being a creep for five fucking seconds
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
‘But I’ve already said it 67 times.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
- Kubrick filming the moon landing
‘Do it again, Neil.’
‘But I’ve already said it 67 times.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
- Kubrick filming the moon landing
February 1, 2026 at 10:38 AM
‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
‘But I’ve already said it 67 times.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
- Kubrick filming the moon landing
‘Do it again, Neil.’
‘But I’ve already said it 67 times.’
‘Do it again, Neil.’
- Kubrick filming the moon landing
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The California State University system spent $16.9 million last year giving ChatGPT to all students, faculty, and staff. We are asking the CSU chancellor not to renew the contract with OpenAI when it expires.
Anyone can sign the petition — link below!
Anyone can sign the petition — link below!
The CSU/OpenAI contract is set to expire June 30, 2026.
Sign this petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/cancel-chatgpt-edu-invest-in-humans/ for the CSU NOT to renew the contract and to use the savings to protect jobs at CSU campuses facing layoffs.
Sign this petition: https://actionnetwork.org/petitions/cancel-chatgpt-edu-invest-in-humans/ for the CSU NOT to renew the contract and to use the savings to protect jobs at CSU campuses facing layoffs.
January 31, 2026 at 7:13 PM
The California State University system spent $16.9 million last year giving ChatGPT to all students, faculty, and staff. We are asking the CSU chancellor not to renew the contract with OpenAI when it expires.
Anyone can sign the petition — link below!
Anyone can sign the petition — link below!
I don’t have anything to say about the Catherine O’Hara news other than DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT
January 30, 2026 at 6:53 PM
I don’t have anything to say about the Catherine O’Hara news other than DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The thief of tens of millions of dollars in crypto from the United States' stash of seized crypto assets is allegedly the son of the owner of a company that contracts with the US Marshals to manage said seized crypto.
Thief of $90M in seized U.S.-controlled crypto alleged to be government crypto contractor's son
January 23, 2026
https://www.web3isgoinggreat.com/?id=lick-theft
January 23, 2026
https://www.web3isgoinggreat.com/?id=lick-theft
January 27, 2026 at 2:40 AM
The thief of tens of millions of dollars in crypto from the United States' stash of seized crypto assets is allegedly the son of the owner of a company that contracts with the US Marshals to manage said seized crypto.
I lived in the Twin Cities for years and even at this remove it still feels like home.
Get the fuck out of my house, ICE.
Get the fuck out of my house, ICE.
January 24, 2026 at 9:55 PM
I lived in the Twin Cities for years and even at this remove it still feels like home.
Get the fuck out of my house, ICE.
Get the fuck out of my house, ICE.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Nobel Prize should go to the people of the Twin Cities.
January 24, 2026 at 12:14 AM
Nobel Prize should go to the people of the Twin Cities.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
right now the floor for me is abolish ICE and put every agent on trial and the average elected democrat is like what if we told them to cut it out
January 22, 2026 at 12:31 AM
right now the floor for me is abolish ICE and put every agent on trial and the average elected democrat is like what if we told them to cut it out
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The Civil Rights Division is going to charge a Black Man under the Ku Klux Klan Act on MLK day.
Do I have that right?
Do I have that right?
January 20, 2026 at 1:21 AM
The Civil Rights Division is going to charge a Black Man under the Ku Klux Klan Act on MLK day.
Do I have that right?
Do I have that right?
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Who is this Proud Boy from Minnesota. This guy is one of the biggest bullies, threatening people. Says he's from here. Who is he Minnesota? He's so proud he's from here. #minnesota #ice #iceout #minneapolis #protest
January 17, 2026 at 5:15 AM
Who is this Proud Boy from Minnesota. This guy is one of the biggest bullies, threatening people. Says he's from here. Who is he Minnesota? He's so proud he's from here. #minnesota #ice #iceout #minneapolis #protest