Aaron Schwartzbaum
@aaron-schwa.bsky.social
Political risk and product by day, puns by night. Just kidding, the puns are by day, too. My handle in the bad place is @aaron_schwa.
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
Trump's secret police vandalize houses and cars, assault citizens, fire potential lethal weapons for the hell of it, and assault children, often as sexual predators... and claim impunity for all of this. CATO proposes the fix. In the meantime it's essential to document all these crimes rigorously.
What Good Is a Right Without a Remedy?
Flagrant civil rights abuses are enabled by a legal scheme that makes it all but impossible to sue federal agents for constitutional violations and shields them with immunity should that barrier ever ...
www.cato.org
November 24, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Trump's secret police vandalize houses and cars, assault citizens, fire potential lethal weapons for the hell of it, and assault children, often as sexual predators... and claim impunity for all of this. CATO proposes the fix. In the meantime it's essential to document all these crimes rigorously.
A washed ashore whale caused frustracean
In Nantucket folks were impacean'
The gov. said 'can't move it,
nor hardly improve it'
This issue's above our cetacean
In Nantucket folks were impacean'
The gov. said 'can't move it,
nor hardly improve it'
This issue's above our cetacean
A whale washed up in Nantucket,
On the beach so we brought spades and buckets.
The whale was too big,
for any hole we could dig.
So we left it right there, saying...
On the beach so we brought spades and buckets.
The whale was too big,
for any hole we could dig.
So we left it right there, saying...
A dead sperm whale has washed up on Nantucket for the first time in decades. It’s too big to move — at least until officials figure out a plan.
November 20, 2025 at 2:24 PM
A washed ashore whale caused frustracean
In Nantucket folks were impacean'
The gov. said 'can't move it,
nor hardly improve it'
This issue's above our cetacean
In Nantucket folks were impacean'
The gov. said 'can't move it,
nor hardly improve it'
This issue's above our cetacean
nickel for your thoughts
no more pennies? that's just non-cents
November 12, 2025 at 9:07 PM
nickel for your thoughts
using stock as leverage = realizing gains of said stock
it will never happen but one anti-corruption policy i would love to see is the end of using stock as leverage for loans
In an era of skyrocketing CEO pay, Tesla shareholders overwhelmingly approved a $1 trillion pay package intended to keep Elon Musk in charge of the company for the next decade. https://wapo.st/4oTKbcZ
November 7, 2025 at 2:55 AM
using stock as leverage = realizing gains of said stock
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
PROSECUTION'S CASE COULDN'T SURVIVE DEFENSE'S INCISIVE, COLD CUTS
November 6, 2025 at 8:32 PM
PROSECUTION'S CASE COULDN'T SURVIVE DEFENSE'S INCISIVE, COLD CUTS
PROSECUTION'S CASE COULDN'T SURVIVE DEFENSE'S INCISIVE, COLD CUTS
November 6, 2025 at 8:32 PM
PROSECUTION'S CASE COULDN'T SURVIVE DEFENSE'S INCISIVE, COLD CUTS
and a good annotation it was
November 6, 2025 at 3:41 PM
and a good annotation it was
(nobody has ever been able to produce something like this about 2020 in the US, for the record)
Now this is how you detect whether an election was stolen. Humans choose rounder numbers.
by @TheEconomist
by @TheEconomist
November 6, 2025 at 3:40 PM
(nobody has ever been able to produce something like this about 2020 in the US, for the record)
Will be offering punny commentary as the process unfolds. As a jury cannot reprise its roll, if there's a mistrial, a new one will have to be seeded.
Good morning! Day 4 of the Sandwich Guy’s trial. He is finally wearing a suit (the rest of the week’s evidence suggests he seems to prefer pullovers in cooler weather). The jury has a note for the judge.
November 6, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Will be offering punny commentary as the process unfolds. As a jury cannot reprise its roll, if there's a mistrial, a new one will have to be seeded.
you mean DELI-berate. it's right there!
The sandwich guy jury has begun to deliber-ATE
sorry not sorry
sorry not sorry
“This case, ladies and gentleman of the jury, is about a sandwich.”
Closing arguments from the defense in the DC sandwich guy case are now underway.
Closing arguments from the defense in the DC sandwich guy case are now underway.
November 5, 2025 at 8:11 PM
you mean DELI-berate. it's right there!
In the criminal justice system, sandwich-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Washington DC, the dedicated detectives who investigate these delicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Sandwich Victims Unit. These are their stories.
🔔 DUN DUN 🔔
🔔 DUN DUN 🔔
Day 3 of the “no more than 2” day trial of Sandwich Guy. The prosecution intends to rest; the defense hasn’t decided yet. Dispute over jury instructions continues, a few morsels (sorry) to follow.
November 5, 2025 at 6:48 PM
In the criminal justice system, sandwich-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Washington DC, the dedicated detectives who investigate these delicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Sandwich Victims Unit. These are their stories.
🔔 DUN DUN 🔔
🔔 DUN DUN 🔔
trump-era doomscrolling got you down? you can always go to the beach
October 30, 2025 at 3:16 PM
trump-era doomscrolling got you down? you can always go to the beach
i have no faith that republicans would actually support a national comprise that actually fixed malapportionment in the house
Virginia Democrats are planning to redraw the state’s congressional map in a way that could strengthen their party’s position and counter national efforts aimed at boosting Republicans, according to Democratic state senators.
To counter Trump, Virginia Democrats plan to redraw congressional map
Virginia Democrats will move to call in a special session as soon as Thursday to consider redrawing its congressional district map lines.
www.washingtonpost.com
October 23, 2025 at 7:33 PM
i have no faith that republicans would actually support a national comprise that actually fixed malapportionment in the house
the difficulty with reforming anti-democratic institutions is that these institutions can sustain themselves without popular legitimacy.
Breaking News: North Carolina state senators approved a new congressional map that could give Republicans an extra seat. The state House is expected to pass it.
North Carolina State Senate Approves New Congressional Map in Effort to Add a Seat
The Trump administration has pushed Republican leaders to redraw House district maps before the midterm elections next year.
nyti.ms
October 22, 2025 at 5:07 PM
the difficulty with reforming anti-democratic institutions is that these institutions can sustain themselves without popular legitimacy.
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
An amazing story of this decade was the ADL turning all its fire on Israel critics while tech companies dismantled their censors and Hitler-lovers came roaring back.
Today on the show: the group chats from hell (with @dgraham.bsky.social) slate.com/podcasts/wha...
Why So Many Racist Group Chats?
It’s hard to imagine the speech or policy proposals being acceptable as recently as a decade ago.
slate.com
October 22, 2025 at 12:09 PM
An amazing story of this decade was the ADL turning all its fire on Israel critics while tech companies dismantled their censors and Hitler-lovers came roaring back.
the only animal that poops cubes, by the way
Happy World Wombat Day! Sound on to listen to the very soothing munching noises of this chonky wombat...
October 22, 2025 at 12:29 PM
the only animal that poops cubes, by the way
do we actually need to ask whether putin will bloviate about outlandish historical grievances?
About Alaska, John Bolton's comment after the event stuck with me, that Trump looked ‘very tired’ after meeting Putin. Now we know why. Will Putin make the same speech in a new meeting? www.ft.com/content/7af3...
How Vladimir Putin’s history rant in Alaska nudged Donald Trump closer to Ukraine
Fraught summit in Anchorage marked a nadir that reshaped how the presidents approach each other
www.ft.com
October 17, 2025 at 5:27 PM
do we actually need to ask whether putin will bloviate about outlandish historical grievances?
i'm not here a ton, but if any of you are in #philly (or want to come down!) on 11/1, i host a pun off. friends have told me things like "we came to support you, but it was actually a fun event". ringing endorsements, people!
Has been a minute, #philly, but we have something for ya... don't miss our spookiest pun-off yet.
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social
October 16, 2025 at 9:20 PM
i'm not here a ton, but if any of you are in #philly (or want to come down!) on 11/1, i host a pun off. friends have told me things like "we came to support you, but it was actually a fun event". ringing endorsements, people!
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
[forest]
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind
October 9, 2023 at 4:19 PM
[forest]
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind
we continue to hurtle towards disintegration. if you're a net donor to a union for which, in exchange, you have no protections and are systematically underrepresented, what's the point of staying in that union?
Q: Do you agree that the mayor of Chicago and governor of Illinois should be in prison?
MIKE JOHNSON: Should they be in prison? I'm not the attorney general. I'm not following the day to day on that
MIKE JOHNSON: Should they be in prison? I'm not the attorney general. I'm not following the day to day on that
October 8, 2025 at 3:27 PM
we continue to hurtle towards disintegration. if you're a net donor to a union for which, in exchange, you have no protections and are systematically underrepresented, what's the point of staying in that union?
didn't say they were exactly right, but the broader point stands.
October 7, 2025 at 6:31 PM
didn't say they were exactly right, but the broader point stands.
drives at one of my hobby horse items that state boundaries no longer reflect cultural/socioeconomic boundaries and are wildly out of date. this map correctly recognizes that as somebody in philadelphia, i have more in common with baltimore/south jersey than i do with central PA.
This is the most accurate depiction of the Midwest to date. Wichita has always felt like the last Midwest city while also being the first plains city.
October 7, 2025 at 6:23 PM
drives at one of my hobby horse items that state boundaries no longer reflect cultural/socioeconomic boundaries and are wildly out of date. this map correctly recognizes that as somebody in philadelphia, i have more in common with baltimore/south jersey than i do with central PA.
Roberts Raids
What DHS pulled in Chicago on Tuesday is wildly unconstitutional. They smashed down almost every door in the building, dragged entire families into the street, and detained people for hours ("Kavanaugh stops").
Ms. Fisher was held for five hours and another senior citizen was held for three hours.
Ms. Fisher was held for five hours and another senior citizen was held for three hours.
![Rodrick Johnson, 67, is one of many residents who were detained by federal agents during the South Shore raid. A U.S. citizen, he said agents broke through his door and dragged him out in zip ties.
Johnson said he was left tied up outside the building for nearly three hours before agents finally let him go.
“I asked [agents] why they were holding me if I was an American citizen, and they said I had to wait until they looked me up,” Jones said. “I asked if they had a warrant, and I asked for a lawyer. They never brought one.”](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:2vtbmhmrwzbqcfv4we4uxzzt/bafkreib66z6racbfo5llgukbvmldxq44zaa7nqetkcs5cwxfez6xcec5oy@jpeg)
October 2, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Roberts Raids
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
A whopping 38% of Russia’s refining capacity is now offline, according to The Economist.
Gasoline output fell by 1 million tons in September which has created a 20% domestic shortfall.
Repairs may take months because of sanctions limiting access to parts and tech.
Gasoline output fell by 1 million tons in September which has created a 20% domestic shortfall.
Repairs may take months because of sanctions limiting access to parts and tech.
October 1, 2025 at 3:38 PM
A whopping 38% of Russia’s refining capacity is now offline, according to The Economist.
Gasoline output fell by 1 million tons in September which has created a 20% domestic shortfall.
Repairs may take months because of sanctions limiting access to parts and tech.
Gasoline output fell by 1 million tons in September which has created a 20% domestic shortfall.
Repairs may take months because of sanctions limiting access to parts and tech.
Reposted by Aaron Schwartzbaum
Has been a minute, #philly, but we have something for ya... don't miss our spookiest pun-off yet.
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social
September 30, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Has been a minute, #philly, but we have something for ya... don't miss our spookiest pun-off yet.
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social
philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/314520
cc @farfarraway.bsky.social