Bill Melots
@wanksy.bsky.social
None of these views are that of my employer or myself. These are the views of the goblin that lives in the bathroom at the skatepark. He is so wise and funny. I love him.
Pinned
Bill Melots
@wanksy.bsky.social
· Oct 30
Why do you want me to piss in a cup for work? I already pissed in all the other cups at work.
Once the cost of ai video gen goes through the floor, I’m writing a script to take my entire photo gallery and make everyone in it say “I shit my pants” and then another script will stitch together all of them in a single video, and I will win Cannes.
November 17, 2025 at 3:25 AM
Once the cost of ai video gen goes through the floor, I’m writing a script to take my entire photo gallery and make everyone in it say “I shit my pants” and then another script will stitch together all of them in a single video, and I will win Cannes.
Reposted by Bill Melots
babe are you ok you’ve barely touched your electrolyte soup supplement with immune booster
November 16, 2025 at 4:33 PM
babe are you ok you’ve barely touched your electrolyte soup supplement with immune booster
The Hollywood narrative that you can’t go to the hospital if you have a gunshot wound that was acquired whilst doing something illicit is nonsense. I’ve done this a whole bunch and they’re always like “how did you get shot” and I’m like “toddler had a rifle.”
November 15, 2025 at 4:27 AM
The Hollywood narrative that you can’t go to the hospital if you have a gunshot wound that was acquired whilst doing something illicit is nonsense. I’ve done this a whole bunch and they’re always like “how did you get shot” and I’m like “toddler had a rifle.”
Reposted by Bill Melots
No, but his face rings a bell.
November 14, 2025 at 5:02 AM
No, but his face rings a bell.
Reposted by Bill Melots
I have a hunch this isnt you.
November 14, 2025 at 4:53 AM
I have a hunch this isnt you.
Quote post with your own dramatic black and white selfie
November 14, 2025 at 4:37 AM
Quote post with your own dramatic black and white selfie
What do we think the worst name for a product is? I’m going to go with “dude wipes”
November 14, 2025 at 1:00 AM
What do we think the worst name for a product is? I’m going to go with “dude wipes”
AI has gotten so advanced that I’ve replaced my doctor with it. Well, ok just the part where it fingers my b-hole.
November 13, 2025 at 12:37 AM
AI has gotten so advanced that I’ve replaced my doctor with it. Well, ok just the part where it fingers my b-hole.
I think footy is finally catching on in America. Currently watching the San Diego DirecTVs vs. the Portland Tilamooks.
November 10, 2025 at 2:33 AM
I think footy is finally catching on in America. Currently watching the San Diego DirecTVs vs. the Portland Tilamooks.
When I was little, there was a car salesman named Cal Worthington. His gimmick was his dog named spot, but the dog wasn’t a dog - it was a cow. His theme song was “Go See Cal Go See Cal,” 5 yr old me thought it was “pussy cow” so yeah I’m the kid who ran around saying pussy cow pussy cow pussy cow.
November 9, 2025 at 5:11 PM
When I was little, there was a car salesman named Cal Worthington. His gimmick was his dog named spot, but the dog wasn’t a dog - it was a cow. His theme song was “Go See Cal Go See Cal,” 5 yr old me thought it was “pussy cow” so yeah I’m the kid who ran around saying pussy cow pussy cow pussy cow.
So many better names for this band.
Conan & The Barbarians
WWE Overdrive
Greg’s Got Boots
Conan & The Barbarians
WWE Overdrive
Greg’s Got Boots
November 8, 2025 at 4:43 PM
So many better names for this band.
Conan & The Barbarians
WWE Overdrive
Greg’s Got Boots
Conan & The Barbarians
WWE Overdrive
Greg’s Got Boots
The only thing I have in common with fictional people in movies that involve politics is that we all like scotch neat.
November 8, 2025 at 7:25 AM
The only thing I have in common with fictional people in movies that involve politics is that we all like scotch neat.
Reposted by Bill Melots
this is where I post from if you even care
November 7, 2025 at 1:07 PM
this is where I post from if you even care
Reposted by Bill Melots
when they say you're a ghost in the machine what they really mean is you are haunted meat
November 7, 2025 at 12:37 PM
when they say you're a ghost in the machine what they really mean is you are haunted meat
Reposted by Bill Melots
Uncle Gary’s hosting Thanksgiving this year and I just know he’s gonna make us listen to his barbershop quartet again.
They only know Barbara Ann, then they spend the rest of the time giving each other haircuts
They only know Barbara Ann, then they spend the rest of the time giving each other haircuts
November 7, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Uncle Gary’s hosting Thanksgiving this year and I just know he’s gonna make us listen to his barbershop quartet again.
They only know Barbara Ann, then they spend the rest of the time giving each other haircuts
They only know Barbara Ann, then they spend the rest of the time giving each other haircuts
Reposted by Bill Melots
Anecdotal of course but I talked to a guy yesterday and he was very upset with the state of things.
November 7, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Anecdotal of course but I talked to a guy yesterday and he was very upset with the state of things.
Reposted by Bill Melots
Guess what: if you’re bashing the media, you’re bashing yourself. We’re all the media now. Look! I’m publishing this thought worldwide!
Finally, the media is as terrible as all the whiners exclaimed. And it’s all thanks to… you and me.
Finally, the media is as terrible as all the whiners exclaimed. And it’s all thanks to… you and me.
November 6, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Guess what: if you’re bashing the media, you’re bashing yourself. We’re all the media now. Look! I’m publishing this thought worldwide!
Finally, the media is as terrible as all the whiners exclaimed. And it’s all thanks to… you and me.
Finally, the media is as terrible as all the whiners exclaimed. And it’s all thanks to… you and me.
I don’t want to be a serious person or have a job anymore. I just want margaritas.
November 6, 2025 at 4:59 AM
I don’t want to be a serious person or have a job anymore. I just want margaritas.
My dad : “the structure of discipline gives you the feelings of comfort and safety.”
Me: Tacos do the same thing.
Me: Tacos do the same thing.
November 5, 2025 at 7:06 AM
My dad : “the structure of discipline gives you the feelings of comfort and safety.”
Me: Tacos do the same thing.
Me: Tacos do the same thing.
Can you eat pho and ramen and rigatoni in the same day or does this make Jesus angry?
November 4, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Can you eat pho and ramen and rigatoni in the same day or does this make Jesus angry?
I don’t mean to interfere in anyones personal affairs but I did meet Dick Cheney once and while he didn’t say much, he did mention he wanted this.
November 4, 2025 at 2:07 PM
I don’t mean to interfere in anyones personal affairs but I did meet Dick Cheney once and while he didn’t say much, he did mention he wanted this.
Apparently the squidbillies guy went full Kramer a couple years ago. I guess sometimes the cover of a book tells you what’s inside it.
November 4, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Apparently the squidbillies guy went full Kramer a couple years ago. I guess sometimes the cover of a book tells you what’s inside it.
Reposted by Bill Melots
It was a scene right out of a time standing still, you asking me to pause it, me having already paused it as I'll never want any of our moments to end and actually I hit play again in the eternity it took you to ask, but it's over. We miss fighting in blockbuster
November 4, 2025 at 5:40 AM
It was a scene right out of a time standing still, you asking me to pause it, me having already paused it as I'll never want any of our moments to end and actually I hit play again in the eternity it took you to ask, but it's over. We miss fighting in blockbuster
I just had a “nightmare” where I lost my wallet for like 5 hours and had to uber back to a bunch of places to find it. Would have preferred murdery vampire clown dream.
November 4, 2025 at 1:35 PM
I just had a “nightmare” where I lost my wallet for like 5 hours and had to uber back to a bunch of places to find it. Would have preferred murdery vampire clown dream.