i'm tired of being told to stop doomscrolling. i'm just scrolling, it's not my fault there's doom on there

hello, my name is sam altman with an important transmission.

you may be familiar with my product, mega-plagiarizer 9000.

i have compelling evidence that the chinese have plagiarized the mega-plagiarizer 9000 in creating their rival mega-plagiarizer.

this is unacceptable and will teach me nothing

@nateswift.bsky.social tweet

I've built a machine that can be Confidently Wrong. It can also make pictures that all look a bit the same, as well as make a video of you kissing any celebrity or person you know. In payment, I'd like to boil the world's oceans dry, & steal all literature. For some reason, my head is not on a spike

Professor: you have a 10-page essay on odysseus due tomorrow

Me [under breath]: motherfu-

Professor: no you're thinking of oedipus

In fairness, “you can make millions of individual molecules but there are 13 that you need but can’t make so let’s outsource their production to plants. Also, it’s actually 12…you can make one of the vitamins…as long as the sun’s rays touch your skin like you yourself are a plant” does sound fake.

I think it’s very important to draw gay art and have gay sex right now. Give it a try, if you haven’t already. This is my advice for today.

if you’re a visual artist or a photographer and you post your stuff here, please include alt text

if you’re a joke account or a random weirdsmobile and you post images here, please include alt text

if you hate hearing about alt text again kindly fuck off and also PLEASE INCLUDE ALT TEXT

There are so many things I would ban before TikTok, including SUVs and assault weapons…

The same dudes who fetishize the supposed lost strength and competence of their forefathers want computers to write their emails for them.

*me, having learned a commonly known fact just now* the media doesn't want you to talk about this, but