Philip Seymour Nothing
@stagecoachslim.bsky.social
Beaten and left for dead in a creek bed by young toughs
Pinned
The thing about me is I just got my teeth cleaned, and now I think I'm better than everybody.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
I look like Col. Sanders if he ate his delicious fried chicken 24/7.
October 26, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I look like Col. Sanders if he ate his delicious fried chicken 24/7.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
It's nice to meet you. I'm a man out of time.
March 15, 2025 at 4:53 PM
It's nice to meet you. I'm a man out of time.
I rake to forget.
November 13, 2025 at 9:47 PM
I rake to forget.
I think I know why we're all here. It's to discuss the snail's pace that's been adopted at the DeKalb, IL Taco Bell drive-thru, right?
November 7, 2025 at 4:03 AM
I think I know why we're all here. It's to discuss the snail's pace that's been adopted at the DeKalb, IL Taco Bell drive-thru, right?
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
To remember how to close the bathroom window (crank handle), I use the classic mnemonic we all love (righty opey, lefty closey)
October 30, 2025 at 2:36 AM
To remember how to close the bathroom window (crank handle), I use the classic mnemonic we all love (righty opey, lefty closey)
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
If you’re currently lost in a corn maze, your best bet is going to be hunkering down for the night
October 27, 2025 at 1:39 AM
If you’re currently lost in a corn maze, your best bet is going to be hunkering down for the night
I look like Col. Sanders if he ate his delicious fried chicken 24/7.
October 26, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I look like Col. Sanders if he ate his delicious fried chicken 24/7.
Do I have debts no honest man can pay? Yes.
Will I go see the Springsteen movie on its first day? Also yes.
Will I go see the Springsteen movie on its first day? Also yes.
October 20, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Do I have debts no honest man can pay? Yes.
Will I go see the Springsteen movie on its first day? Also yes.
Will I go see the Springsteen movie on its first day? Also yes.
I'm in a trance AND I'm in a transom. I'm in 2 things. Please help me.
October 18, 2025 at 3:57 PM
I'm in a trance AND I'm in a transom. I'm in 2 things. Please help me.
if role model is the alternative, gimme bad bunny 8 days a week
October 12, 2025 at 4:45 AM
if role model is the alternative, gimme bad bunny 8 days a week
You guys know I float on air?
October 9, 2025 at 4:35 PM
You guys know I float on air?
I'm going to a police station in the 1950s for sandwiches and coffee. Anybody want anything?
October 7, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I'm going to a police station in the 1950s for sandwiches and coffee. Anybody want anything?
hella sad, dog
September 11, 2025 at 10:27 AM
hella sad, dog
I use a lot of product in my white hair. Otherwise, it will be all puffy and leave me looking like a Q-tip or my late mother-in-law.
August 21, 2025 at 5:14 PM
I use a lot of product in my white hair. Otherwise, it will be all puffy and leave me looking like a Q-tip or my late mother-in-law.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
The United States could have great things like this. But we like to spend our money on kidnapping people and trafficking them to concentration camps instead. #Priorities
August 19, 2025 at 3:53 PM
The United States could have great things like this. But we like to spend our money on kidnapping people and trafficking them to concentration camps instead. #Priorities
This place is rife with sexual insinuendo and double bubble entendres.
August 16, 2025 at 8:25 AM
This place is rife with sexual insinuendo and double bubble entendres.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
A new Columbia house account could heal me.
August 16, 2025 at 4:34 AM
A new Columbia house account could heal me.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
just like you guys, i put my pants on one leg at a time, leaning against a wall, losing my balance, falling to my knees, yelling “FUCK”, rolling over onto my butt, turning back onto my knees, trying to get back up, grabbing the TV stand for support, attempting to catch the TV, yelling “FUCK” again,
August 14, 2025 at 5:08 PM
just like you guys, i put my pants on one leg at a time, leaning against a wall, losing my balance, falling to my knees, yelling “FUCK”, rolling over onto my butt, turning back onto my knees, trying to get back up, grabbing the TV stand for support, attempting to catch the TV, yelling “FUCK” again,
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
Offer received and accepted, funemployment ends homies.
I release my employment jelly to the wild now, thank you friend.
I release my employment jelly to the wild now, thank you friend.
July 16, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Offer received and accepted, funemployment ends homies.
I release my employment jelly to the wild now, thank you friend.
I release my employment jelly to the wild now, thank you friend.
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
Every morning, I wake up and think, "Maybe today is the day that my personality completely changes, and I start doing all the things I've been talking about doing for 40 years.".
August 11, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Every morning, I wake up and think, "Maybe today is the day that my personality completely changes, and I start doing all the things I've been talking about doing for 40 years.".
Reposted by Philip Seymour Nothing
weird how the guy born into obscene wealth, bailed out repeatedly, allowed to fail upwards forever until he fell ass-backwards into the presidency, and then was declared by the Supreme Court to be a Very Special Boy Who Can Crime Forever never stops whining about how everything is rigged against him
August 5, 2025 at 8:25 PM
weird how the guy born into obscene wealth, bailed out repeatedly, allowed to fail upwards forever until he fell ass-backwards into the presidency, and then was declared by the Supreme Court to be a Very Special Boy Who Can Crime Forever never stops whining about how everything is rigged against him
i'm sorry i called you a stupid frosted flake
August 7, 2025 at 4:59 PM
i'm sorry i called you a stupid frosted flake
hate it here
July 31, 2025 at 11:03 PM
hate it here
Her: How long did you microwave your pizza?
Me: 2:22
Her: Why 2:22?!
Me: I was too tired to move my finger around the keypad.
Me: 2:22
Her: Why 2:22?!
Me: I was too tired to move my finger around the keypad.
July 23, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Her: How long did you microwave your pizza?
Me: 2:22
Her: Why 2:22?!
Me: I was too tired to move my finger around the keypad.
Me: 2:22
Her: Why 2:22?!
Me: I was too tired to move my finger around the keypad.
people forget I invented fruit roll-ups
July 21, 2025 at 1:33 PM
people forget I invented fruit roll-ups