Murgatroyd
@runtime3000.bsky.social
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Thank you for calling Greeneville Zoo. Press 1 for hours. Press 2 to speak with a monkey.
November 1, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Thank you for calling Greeneville Zoo. Press 1 for hours. Press 2 to speak with a monkey.
To put George Santos in Solitary confinement and prevent him from having a wheelbarrow full of dicks is cruel and unusual punishment. For that reason he deserved to be set free.
October 18, 2025 at 10:06 AM
To put George Santos in Solitary confinement and prevent him from having a wheelbarrow full of dicks is cruel and unusual punishment. For that reason he deserved to be set free.
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Reposted by Murgatroyd
These are the histories that archaeologists are hiding.
September 28, 2025 at 7:01 PM
These are the histories that archaeologists are hiding.
They should be investigating pickles as a cause of autism since it's widely known that pregnant women crave pickles.
September 28, 2025 at 2:07 PM
They should be investigating pickles as a cause of autism since it's widely known that pregnant women crave pickles.
Portland could nip it in the bud by simply surrendering.
September 28, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Portland could nip it in the bud by simply surrendering.
Whoever turned off the elevator and teleprompter at the perfect moments deserves a Nobel Prize.
September 25, 2025 at 5:50 AM
Whoever turned off the elevator and teleprompter at the perfect moments deserves a Nobel Prize.
Four out of five doctors recommend heroin for headaches.
September 24, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Four out of five doctors recommend heroin for headaches.
What time Tuesday can I expect the rapture.?
September 22, 2025 at 9:24 AM
What time Tuesday can I expect the rapture.?
You can't say anything bad about that asshole charlie kirk or you will get in big big trouble.
September 21, 2025 at 2:16 AM
You can't say anything bad about that asshole charlie kirk or you will get in big big trouble.
If you get busted for possession, after you get out of jail, they should give you back your drugs.
September 14, 2025 at 9:31 PM
If you get busted for possession, after you get out of jail, they should give you back your drugs.
Reposted by Murgatroyd
HitlerSuckfest1488: "This has radicalized me."
September 11, 2025 at 3:09 AM
HitlerSuckfest1488: "This has radicalized me."
Why would a drug boat be carrying twelve people instead of 1500 lbs. worth of drugs?
September 9, 2025 at 4:07 AM
Why would a drug boat be carrying twelve people instead of 1500 lbs. worth of drugs?
Reposted by Murgatroyd
The line hadn’t moved in 20 minutes, and Frank was starting to get pissed.
September 6, 2025 at 12:43 AM
The line hadn’t moved in 20 minutes, and Frank was starting to get pissed.
The only way to stop a bad guy with a sandwich is a good guy with a sandwich.
August 16, 2025 at 8:02 PM
The only way to stop a bad guy with a sandwich is a good guy with a sandwich.
The only way someone is going to take this sandwich from me is to take it from my cold dead hands.
August 16, 2025 at 8:00 PM
The only way someone is going to take this sandwich from me is to take it from my cold dead hands.
Reposted by Murgatroyd
IGUANA: see you later alligator
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
June 27, 2025 at 4:23 PM
IGUANA: see you later alligator
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
ALLIGATOR: (doesn’t know spanish) see you tomorrow iguana
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Mikayla Raines, Who Rescued Foxes and Other Animals, Is Dead at 30 www.nytimes.com/2025/06/28/u...
Mikayla Raines, Who Rescued Foxes and Other Animals, Is Dead at 30
www.nytimes.com
June 29, 2025 at 5:57 AM
Mikayla Raines, Who Rescued Foxes and Other Animals, Is Dead at 30 www.nytimes.com/2025/06/28/u...
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Trump fans scrambling to put those "i bought this before he went crazy" stickers on their cybertrucks
June 6, 2025 at 10:59 AM
Trump fans scrambling to put those "i bought this before he went crazy" stickers on their cybertrucks
I'm thinking about enrolling in remedial math at Harvard. I want to learn to add.
June 6, 2025 at 11:28 AM
I'm thinking about enrolling in remedial math at Harvard. I want to learn to add.
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Reposted by Murgatroyd
This is the best thing I’ve seen today and I need a source. Bluesky, please help. Credit to whoever this rad group is.
May 27, 2025 at 10:34 PM
This is the best thing I’ve seen today and I need a source. Bluesky, please help. Credit to whoever this rad group is.
Reposted by Murgatroyd
Reposted by Murgatroyd
