BREAKING: Iran fires missiles towards U.S. base in Qatar - Axios

this is the Kendrick vs Drake feud for people who own sweater vests

Happy Musk vs Trump day for all those celebrating.

Spaghettification would probably feel really good for your back

“In my spare time I study fluid mechanics.”

TRANSLATION: When I’m not at work you can find me at the bar.

Everyone puts things like "Loving husband and father" on their gravestone. What a sad way to sum up an entire life. What about "Hard working employee"

So many people need a hug, a forehead kiss, and a haunted mansion with a magical library left to them by a mysterious relative right now

DAD: why was our son born wearing a puka shell necklace and smelling like axe body spray

DR: this isn’t easy to hear, but the tests show his chromosomes… are actually bromasomes

MOM: nooooooooooo

A podcast called "Are You Mad at Me?" where I call everyone I know and ask them if they're mad at me, and once we get to a "yes" I immediately hang up and panic about every interaction l've ever had with them and that's the show

Tying a miniature lobster bib around my nut sack