Noah Angus Johnson
@noahangusjohnson.com
Words in McSweeney's & other places 🥑 monk
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Noah Angus Johnson
@noahangusjohnson.com
· Apr 12
"Imagine my delight when I set foot in the halls of power and learned many of my fellow lawmakers are some combination of megachurch pastor, Eric Adams, and a restaurant smoking section. These are people who won’t judge me for my wealth."
As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
Saw my interview on CNN, did you? The one in which I said a functioning state is an impediment to the Great Tribulation that precedes the Rapture? ...
www.mcsweeneys.net
Wherein I write a satire that includes at least one completely factual description of my own former Congressman. It might describe yours too!
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
1. It’s the hotly anticipated sequel of a late 2010s, grimdark existential nightmare.
2. The economy is really, really bad. Like. Really bad.
3. There are almost no places to rest, and even when you find them, they cost money.
2. The economy is really, really bad. Like. Really bad.
3. There are almost no places to rest, and even when you find them, they cost money.
America in 2025 or Hollow Knight: Silksong?
1. It’s the hotly anticipated sequel of a late 2010s, grimdark existential nightmare. 2. The economy is really, really bad. Like. Really bad. 3. Th...
buff.ly
September 24, 2025 at 1:20 AM
1. It’s the hotly anticipated sequel of a late 2010s, grimdark existential nightmare.
2. The economy is really, really bad. Like. Really bad.
3. There are almost no places to rest, and even when you find them, they cost money.
2. The economy is really, really bad. Like. Really bad.
3. There are almost no places to rest, and even when you find them, they cost money.
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
One of the things that has pretty annoying is that if you have any kind of bullshit meter, if you have anything inside of yourself that doesn’t enjoy being lied to, the last couple of years of almost every area of public life have been driving you up a fucking wall
August 12, 2025 at 2:15 PM
One of the things that has pretty annoying is that if you have any kind of bullshit meter, if you have anything inside of yourself that doesn’t enjoy being lied to, the last couple of years of almost every area of public life have been driving you up a fucking wall
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
These people think they’re at the end of a story — that they ARE the end of a story — and they are wrong. More than that: the story is changing around us all the time, in the ways that people who think they will always have the power to write it cannot even begin to anticipate.
July 3, 2025 at 7:38 PM
These people think they’re at the end of a story — that they ARE the end of a story — and they are wrong. More than that: the story is changing around us all the time, in the ways that people who think they will always have the power to write it cannot even begin to anticipate.
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
We’ve got secret police black bagging people and sending them to gulags, the scary parts of communism are already here idk what these people think a public grocery store will lead to bsky.app/profile/jame...
you know, i’m not militantly pro city-run groceries — i think it is an interesting idea to pilot and try out! — but i’m getting negatively polarized into being a big supporter just from these incredibly vapid, brain-dead posts.
they are really acting like he's going to close every business or something
June 26, 2025 at 5:37 PM
We’ve got secret police black bagging people and sending them to gulags, the scary parts of communism are already here idk what these people think a public grocery store will lead to bsky.app/profile/jame...
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
what people seem to believe is that there is a large number of criminal, layabout immigrants who can be easily found and deported. they support doing so snd are dismayed by the deportation of otherwise law abiding people. the problem is that the criminal group is imaginary!
Wow. New CBS poll finds majority (55%) supports the *general goal* of deportations, but a bigger majority (56%) dislikes how Trump is carrying them out. And 63% want due process.
Again, we need a better discourse around public opinion on immigration, as I've argued:
newrepublic.com/article/1961...
Again, we need a better discourse around public opinion on immigration, as I've argued:
newrepublic.com/article/1961...
June 9, 2025 at 2:11 PM
what people seem to believe is that there is a large number of criminal, layabout immigrants who can be easily found and deported. they support doing so snd are dismayed by the deportation of otherwise law abiding people. the problem is that the criminal group is imaginary!
lmao man we were watching Family Guy in high school
I was 28 in 2016 and this is an insane characterization of what growing up as a white man in my cohort was like. Demonstrative of how out-of-touch the cultural right is with actual American life www.theredneckintellectual.com/p/right-wing...
April 30, 2025 at 6:27 PM
lmao man we were watching Family Guy in high school
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
You all need to treat Harry Potter IP like we’re treating the Tesla brand.
April 17, 2025 at 1:47 PM
You all need to treat Harry Potter IP like we’re treating the Tesla brand.
Wherein I write a satire that includes at least one completely factual description of my own former Congressman. It might describe yours too!
"Imagine my delight when I set foot in the halls of power and learned many of my fellow lawmakers are some combination of megachurch pastor, Eric Adams, and a restaurant smoking section. These are people who won’t judge me for my wealth."
As an Elected Republican Who Believes in the Rapture, This Is My Chance to Shine
Saw my interview on CNN, did you? The one in which I said a functioning state is an impediment to the Great Tribulation that precedes the Rapture? ...
www.mcsweeneys.net
April 12, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Wherein I write a satire that includes at least one completely factual description of my own former Congressman. It might describe yours too!
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
Bosses hated the Biden-era job market where they had to fight over employees instead of abusing them, so used their control over the media to turn inflation into the number one issue, predict a fake recession that never happened, and try to convince Americans to tank the economy. It worked.
The Indeed job postings index is down 2.5 points nationally since Jan 20, DC has fallen 10.6 points--the trend is continued cooling in labor demand
April 8, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Bosses hated the Biden-era job market where they had to fight over employees instead of abusing them, so used their control over the media to turn inflation into the number one issue, predict a fake recession that never happened, and try to convince Americans to tank the economy. It worked.
Not a stonk person but maybe I would have been if someone told me it's just quantified denial
April 7, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Not a stonk person but maybe I would have been if someone told me it's just quantified denial
Excited to start WOODWORKING by @emilystjams.bsky.social! Ordered special from the local indie
March 19, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Excited to start WOODWORKING by @emilystjams.bsky.social! Ordered special from the local indie
And they can't get dates because women know they're all like this.
Approaching majority opposition to basic 20th century second wave feminism among Republican men
February 28, 2025 at 12:23 AM
And they can't get dates because women know they're all like this.
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
Wrote about the morally vacuous, strategically unsound (and also wrong!) anti-“woke”diagnosis everyone’s still sticking with, even in the midst of civil rights apocalypse.
Wokeness Is Not to Blame for Trump
How a misdiagnosis of the 2024 election has calcified into self-defeating conventional wisdom.
nymag.com
February 18, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Wrote about the morally vacuous, strategically unsound (and also wrong!) anti-“woke”diagnosis everyone’s still sticking with, even in the midst of civil rights apocalypse.
The mythical rank above Eagle
"An assassin is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and carries out murders according to the terms of his contract" --partial text of the assassin's creed
January 27, 2025 at 7:13 PM
The mythical rank above Eagle
I had an art professor who once asked the class, during a critique of my work, to please consider the difference between "Do I like this?" and "Is this successful?"
Lots of people hated his classes but we vibed because even when I was making weird shit I focused on making it well.
Lots of people hated his classes but we vibed because even when I was making weird shit I focused on making it well.
The belief that art is just about feelings is what produces bad art and bad art criticism. All art is craft, all criticism is also craft, is also art.
January 10, 2025 at 6:44 PM
I had an art professor who once asked the class, during a critique of my work, to please consider the difference between "Do I like this?" and "Is this successful?"
Lots of people hated his classes but we vibed because even when I was making weird shit I focused on making it well.
Lots of people hated his classes but we vibed because even when I was making weird shit I focused on making it well.
Reading Left Hand of Darkness and AI discourse has made the MC's name kind of distracting
January 9, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Reading Left Hand of Darkness and AI discourse has made the MC's name kind of distracting
I wrote this! Who knew nihilism could be so rewarding?
"This New Year, it’s time to roll back the clock and become the worst version of yourself."
Project 2025 Was Inside Us All Along
“New year, new you,” they say. Well, Project 2025 is going to make what’s new actually really fucking old. Like listeria- and child labor-old. The ...
buff.ly
January 5, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I wrote this! Who knew nihilism could be so rewarding?
Big Vacuum conspires to make their products so heavy you buy two just to avoid carrying them up the stairs
December 19, 2024 at 8:45 PM
Big Vacuum conspires to make their products so heavy you buy two just to avoid carrying them up the stairs
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
I think if you’re a young person (or an older person frankly) considering some kind of creative project, the state of the world is more or less “fuck it we ball” like, you might as well
December 17, 2024 at 6:20 PM
I think if you’re a young person (or an older person frankly) considering some kind of creative project, the state of the world is more or less “fuck it we ball” like, you might as well
Alright Ohio you did good tonight
August 9, 2023 at 1:37 AM
Alright Ohio you did good tonight
Reposted by Noah Angus Johnson
Personally, I don’t think that AI slop can or will replace art and writing.
I DO think that depraved tech lords are going to force us to spend at least a decade (or more) *proving* that AI can’t do this stuff in the worst, most destructive way possible.
I DO think that depraved tech lords are going to force us to spend at least a decade (or more) *proving* that AI can’t do this stuff in the worst, most destructive way possible.
July 30, 2023 at 1:57 PM
Personally, I don’t think that AI slop can or will replace art and writing.
I DO think that depraved tech lords are going to force us to spend at least a decade (or more) *proving* that AI can’t do this stuff in the worst, most destructive way possible.
I DO think that depraved tech lords are going to force us to spend at least a decade (or more) *proving* that AI can’t do this stuff in the worst, most destructive way possible.
Reliving the game I spent 200 hours in by watching my wife fall off stuff
July 29, 2023 at 12:43 AM
Reliving the game I spent 200 hours in by watching my wife fall off stuff
This is the real king shit anyway
July 28, 2023 at 1:38 AM
This is the real king shit anyway
The thing about the Old Place is that king shit made discourse no fun. I'm so glad discourse is alive and well here. Fuck yeah discourse
July 28, 2023 at 1:24 AM
The thing about the Old Place is that king shit made discourse no fun. I'm so glad discourse is alive and well here. Fuck yeah discourse