MsEllaSimone
@msellasimone.bsky.social
Ella. My greatest ambition is to own a Giraffe and ride it into the West End. And to build a hotel for goats, up a tree
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Reposted by MsEllaSimone
It’s a "crisis" when immigrants "take jobs away", but "innovation" when machines do. Funny.
October 8, 2025 at 8:07 AM
It’s a "crisis" when immigrants "take jobs away", but "innovation" when machines do. Funny.
This man is either homeless, and has secured a bed for the next year, or is partially living out their dream for the lifestyle of an international DJ.
Either way, I fear this post is sidetracked my day to a ruinous point as I open GoogleMaps start calculating his weekly travel hours #annualleave
Either way, I fear this post is sidetracked my day to a ruinous point as I open GoogleMaps start calculating his weekly travel hours #annualleave
This is the maddest tour I've ever seen in my life. It seems like he's doing more gigs than there are days in the year.
October 7, 2025 at 8:42 AM
This man is either homeless, and has secured a bed for the next year, or is partially living out their dream for the lifestyle of an international DJ.
Either way, I fear this post is sidetracked my day to a ruinous point as I open GoogleMaps start calculating his weekly travel hours #annualleave
Either way, I fear this post is sidetracked my day to a ruinous point as I open GoogleMaps start calculating his weekly travel hours #annualleave
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
Six weeks ago, I picked up a year-old tawny owl with a broken leg off the main road near our home and dropped him off at our nearest vet.
After a few days, I received one of the most bizarre phone calls I’ve ever had, asking “So when are you coming to pick up your owl?” 🧵
After a few days, I received one of the most bizarre phone calls I’ve ever had, asking “So when are you coming to pick up your owl?” 🧵
October 5, 2025 at 9:12 AM
Six weeks ago, I picked up a year-old tawny owl with a broken leg off the main road near our home and dropped him off at our nearest vet.
After a few days, I received one of the most bizarre phone calls I’ve ever had, asking “So when are you coming to pick up your owl?” 🧵
After a few days, I received one of the most bizarre phone calls I’ve ever had, asking “So when are you coming to pick up your owl?” 🧵
That Hegseth prick’s speech was just this, wasn’t it?
Well this is what I heard, with FAFO proudly scattered through the lyrics.
Well this is what I heard, with FAFO proudly scattered through the lyrics.
September 30, 2025 at 5:50 PM
That Hegseth prick’s speech was just this, wasn’t it?
Well this is what I heard, with FAFO proudly scattered through the lyrics.
Well this is what I heard, with FAFO proudly scattered through the lyrics.
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
Please don’t call it man flu. Its correct name is manchester flunited.
January 22, 2025 at 6:47 PM
Please don’t call it man flu. Its correct name is manchester flunited.
Why? Does the left have a huge surplus of lasagne?
August 11, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Why? Does the left have a huge surplus of lasagne?
Look how lovely my garden looks now I’ve put a big red dog in it
August 5, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Look how lovely my garden looks now I’ve put a big red dog in it
Back to work after a long weekend where I ate all the seafood and received a summerdog
August 5, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Back to work after a long weekend where I ate all the seafood and received a summerdog
You should always keep it. Take it home. Put it in a jar.
When there’s enough of them you can squish them together and make a voodoo doll of yourself.
When there’s enough of them you can squish them together and make a voodoo doll of yourself.
At the Turkish barbers they rip out ear hair with wax. Afterwards, they always show you the result. Like a tiny waxy hedgehog. I've never had the guts to ask to keep one but I'm so proud of my spiky children.
July 25, 2025 at 1:24 PM
You should always keep it. Take it home. Put it in a jar.
When there’s enough of them you can squish them together and make a voodoo doll of yourself.
When there’s enough of them you can squish them together and make a voodoo doll of yourself.
Tomorrow and Sunday I have a 3-man Hardscape crew coming to my garden with ‘a few tonnes of aggregates’ to rebuild the paths I demolished whilst on my bamboo eradication mission, and lift, dig down 2 feet, add proper bases and drainage then re-lay three patios.
July 25, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Tomorrow and Sunday I have a 3-man Hardscape crew coming to my garden with ‘a few tonnes of aggregates’ to rebuild the paths I demolished whilst on my bamboo eradication mission, and lift, dig down 2 feet, add proper bases and drainage then re-lay three patios.
I’ve had a few of my London squad over today, it was good times. Eating, drinking (no booze), a country walk, chatting about everything and nothing, and a perfect little housewarming gift (coasters made of vinyl)
July 19, 2025 at 9:32 PM
I’ve had a few of my London squad over today, it was good times. Eating, drinking (no booze), a country walk, chatting about everything and nothing, and a perfect little housewarming gift (coasters made of vinyl)
Sweaty post-rave selfie because tonight I did some raving in a field. It was excellent.
Tomorrow we spa (not the convenience store)
Tomorrow we spa (not the convenience store)
July 11, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Sweaty post-rave selfie because tonight I did some raving in a field. It was excellent.
Tomorrow we spa (not the convenience store)
Tomorrow we spa (not the convenience store)
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
Train driver. A train was recently late reaching Fenchurch Street Station because, while at one of the train stations along the route, I had to wait for a cat to finish licking his balls and move off the tracks.
June 30, 2025 at 10:20 AM
Train driver. A train was recently late reaching Fenchurch Street Station because, while at one of the train stations along the route, I had to wait for a cat to finish licking his balls and move off the tracks.
At last.
Off you fuck, you despicable cunt.
Losing you on a free to Pentonville FC would make my day.
Off you fuck, you despicable cunt.
Losing you on a free to Pentonville FC would make my day.
Thomas Partey will leave Arsenal when his contract expires on Monday, with the club set to confirm the midfielder’s exit early next week.
More from @david-ornstein.bsky.social ⤵️
🔗 www.nytimes.com/athletic/628...
More from @david-ornstein.bsky.social ⤵️
🔗 www.nytimes.com/athletic/628...
June 30, 2025 at 10:20 AM
At last.
Off you fuck, you despicable cunt.
Losing you on a free to Pentonville FC would make my day.
Off you fuck, you despicable cunt.
Losing you on a free to Pentonville FC would make my day.
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
lol what happened here
June 22, 2025 at 6:33 PM
lol what happened here
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
I’m afraid I simply do not know the event that led to this song.
June 14, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I’m afraid I simply do not know the event that led to this song.
On Weds eve I had finished work and was doing some work in the garden. I sat down and picked up my phone to see 87 WhatsApp messages in our big friend group chat.
The first of the days messages was from my friend Edd with a bbc news link and the words
‘Annabel died’
I’m so sad, and so so angry.
The first of the days messages was from my friend Edd with a bbc news link and the words
‘Annabel died’
I’m so sad, and so so angry.
A woman found stabbed after a gas explosion at her home in London this morning has been named as Annabel Rook. She worked for a charity she co-founded called Mama Suze CIC, which supports refugee and migrant women, some having fled domestic violence. A man has been arrested.
bbc.com/news/article...
bbc.com/news/article...
Woman stabbed to death before gas explosion named by police
Charity worker Annabel Rook, 46, was killed in a suspected "domestic-related incident", police say.
bbc.com
June 22, 2025 at 10:24 AM
On Weds eve I had finished work and was doing some work in the garden. I sat down and picked up my phone to see 87 WhatsApp messages in our big friend group chat.
The first of the days messages was from my friend Edd with a bbc news link and the words
‘Annabel died’
I’m so sad, and so so angry.
The first of the days messages was from my friend Edd with a bbc news link and the words
‘Annabel died’
I’m so sad, and so so angry.
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
tbf, I bombed a country when no one came to my birthday party too.
June 22, 2025 at 6:34 AM
tbf, I bombed a country when no one came to my birthday party too.
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
It's one year since Chris Sutton was asked if Mbappe would be able to play with his broken nose in the Euros and he wrote the funniest thing I've ever read.
June 21, 2025 at 9:14 PM
It's one year since Chris Sutton was asked if Mbappe would be able to play with his broken nose in the Euros and he wrote the funniest thing I've ever read.
Reposted by MsEllaSimone
Keir Starmer endorses an attack which his own Attorney General has advised may be illegal
June 22, 2025 at 7:34 AM
Keir Starmer endorses an attack which his own Attorney General has advised may be illegal
At least Tony Blair did 4 years’ worth of good stuff before dissolving his soul and signing off on an illegal war.
Starmer, why are you such a useless cunt?
Starmer, why are you such a useless cunt?
June 22, 2025 at 8:11 AM
At least Tony Blair did 4 years’ worth of good stuff before dissolving his soul and signing off on an illegal war.
Starmer, why are you such a useless cunt?
Starmer, why are you such a useless cunt?