Dave Turner
@mrdaveturner.bsky.social
Dad. Husband. Cat wrangler. Writer. Idiot.
www.daveturner.co.uk
www.daveturner.co.uk
Reece getting ready for panto season #taskmaster
November 13, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Reece getting ready for panto season #taskmaster
I just hope the success Joe Wilkinson is having goes some way in making up for being disqualified for incorrectly throwing a potato on Taskmaster.
November 13, 2025 at 10:00 AM
I just hope the success Joe Wilkinson is having goes some way in making up for being disqualified for incorrectly throwing a potato on Taskmaster.
Doctor: “obviously, there’s a lot going on in you life at the moment, Dave. We need to make sure there’s not too much stress in your heart.”
Me: *laughs in 2025*
Me: *laughs in 2025*
November 12, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Doctor: “obviously, there’s a lot going on in you life at the moment, Dave. We need to make sure there’s not too much stress in your heart.”
Me: *laughs in 2025*
Me: *laughs in 2025*
I say we just move onto making Q movies. Let’s get Q laid!
James Bond’s death in No Time to Die is causing a nightmare for the next film. Writers are stuck because Bond “was blown to pieces.”
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
November 11, 2025 at 10:53 AM
I say we just move onto making Q movies. Let’s get Q laid!
There’s a chance Men in Black is a perfect movie. But, then, I have been drinking wine while cooking a roast.
November 9, 2025 at 7:47 PM
There’s a chance Men in Black is a perfect movie. But, then, I have been drinking wine while cooking a roast.
If you see this post an album with a motor vehicle on it.
November 8, 2025 at 7:54 PM
If you see this post an album with a motor vehicle on it.
I’ve just watched the original Goldeneye trailer and well done trailer people because they make it look like the greatest film ever made.
GoldenEye (1995) teaser trailer remastered
YouTube video by BreadCrustCouncil
youtu.be
November 8, 2025 at 2:50 PM
I’ve just watched the original Goldeneye trailer and well done trailer people because they make it look like the greatest film ever made.
Watching Goldeneye. The most Sean Bean movie ever made. He dies TWICE. The UberSean film.
November 8, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Watching Goldeneye. The most Sean Bean movie ever made. He dies TWICE. The UberSean film.
Idea for a cop show with Nick Mohammed as a DCI who consistently gets the murderer wrong but Sergeant Joe Marler steps in to sort things out.
November 6, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Idea for a cop show with Nick Mohammed as a DCI who consistently gets the murderer wrong but Sergeant Joe Marler steps in to sort things out.
Fireworks are only good when there’s an error with the timing at a big display and they all go off in 11 seconds.
November 6, 2025 at 9:54 AM
Fireworks are only good when there’s an error with the timing at a big display and they all go off in 11 seconds.
“Live, Laugh, L’oval”
November 5, 2025 at 7:04 PM
“Live, Laugh, L’oval”
*plays sad La Marseillaise on a kazoo*
November 3, 2025 at 6:48 PM
*plays sad La Marseillaise on a kazoo*
Think this was the first single I went into a shop and bought with my own money. Oven Ready Records in Aylesbury. Was definitely more a Young Ones than Cliff fan.
November 3, 2025 at 10:45 AM
Think this was the first single I went into a shop and bought with my own money. Oven Ready Records in Aylesbury. Was definitely more a Young Ones than Cliff fan.
Football is a stupid sport and I support a stupid team.
November 2, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Football is a stupid sport and I support a stupid team.
I have chosen my Halloween night movies
October 31, 2025 at 8:33 PM
I have chosen my Halloween night movies
Well, my favourite costume so far is by an ex-workmate’s 10 year old son who has dressed as Goose from Top Gun complete with head wound.
October 31, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Well, my favourite costume so far is by an ex-workmate’s 10 year old son who has dressed as Goose from Top Gun complete with head wound.
Close call. Man just sat down opposite me on the train and said “Hello!”
Almost replied before I saw the phone in his hand and AirPods in his ears…
Almost replied before I saw the phone in his hand and AirPods in his ears…
October 30, 2025 at 5:51 PM
Close call. Man just sat down opposite me on the train and said “Hello!”
Almost replied before I saw the phone in his hand and AirPods in his ears…
Almost replied before I saw the phone in his hand and AirPods in his ears…
I’m going as “receiving an email simply signed ‘Regards’ when the sender normally puts ‘Best Regards’”
What terrifying thing are you dressing as this Halloween I'm dressing up as acid reflux
October 30, 2025 at 11:20 AM
I’m going as “receiving an email simply signed ‘Regards’ when the sender normally puts ‘Best Regards’”
It’s odd strangers never say to me “Wow. You look like how I feel.” when they’re feeling well-rested, happy and on top of things.
October 30, 2025 at 9:40 AM
It’s odd strangers never say to me “Wow. You look like how I feel.” when they’re feeling well-rested, happy and on top of things.
49 years on this earth and the only product that delivers what’s promised in its adverts is Dreamies. My cats go mad for that shit. Fair play.
October 29, 2025 at 4:32 PM
49 years on this earth and the only product that delivers what’s promised in its adverts is Dreamies. My cats go mad for that shit. Fair play.
The Simpsons predict everything.
October 28, 2025 at 10:31 PM
The Simpsons predict everything.
Tiredness Level:
Just said “I can’t watch a documentary on the Big Bang. It’ll just make me angry that the universe was created.”
Just said “I can’t watch a documentary on the Big Bang. It’ll just make me angry that the universe was created.”
October 27, 2025 at 10:06 PM
Tiredness Level:
Just said “I can’t watch a documentary on the Big Bang. It’ll just make me angry that the universe was created.”
Just said “I can’t watch a documentary on the Big Bang. It’ll just make me angry that the universe was created.”
Terrible night. Plan was to give eldest a lift to friend’s house, come home, wine and watch a film I’ve been looking forward to for months. Got a puncture on a country road and waited for THREE HOURS for a guy to turn up with a tyre.
October 24, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Terrible night. Plan was to give eldest a lift to friend’s house, come home, wine and watch a film I’ve been looking forward to for months. Got a puncture on a country road and waited for THREE HOURS for a guy to turn up with a tyre.
So I’m assuming Trump will be hiring out the White House ballroom for weddings and shit.
“We can supply the catering and DJ”
“Who’s the DJ?”
“Kid Rock.”
“Nah, we’ll just use Spotify.”
“We can supply the catering and DJ”
“Who’s the DJ?”
“Kid Rock.”
“Nah, we’ll just use Spotify.”
October 24, 2025 at 11:17 AM
So I’m assuming Trump will be hiring out the White House ballroom for weddings and shit.
“We can supply the catering and DJ”
“Who’s the DJ?”
“Kid Rock.”
“Nah, we’ll just use Spotify.”
“We can supply the catering and DJ”
“Who’s the DJ?”
“Kid Rock.”
“Nah, we’ll just use Spotify.”