Dave Turner
@mrdaveturner.bsky.social
Dad. Husband. Cat wrangler. Writer. Idiot.
www.daveturner.co.uk
www.daveturner.co.uk
My mum when she puts the same chocolate bar in my school lunchbox for the hundredth day running.
January 24, 2026 at 10:35 AM
My mum when she puts the same chocolate bar in my school lunchbox for the hundredth day running.
At the hospital discussing heart transplant. Apparently, post-transplant, I can never eat a rare steak again. Devastated.
January 23, 2026 at 3:14 PM
At the hospital discussing heart transplant. Apparently, post-transplant, I can never eat a rare steak again. Devastated.
I assume Trump's Board of Peace will be holding meetings in a hollowed-out volcano.
January 21, 2026 at 9:54 PM
I assume Trump's Board of Peace will be holding meetings in a hollowed-out volcano.
You know it’s a hard week when you’re looking forward to your CT scan on Friday because you get to lie down for a bit.
January 21, 2026 at 5:18 PM
You know it’s a hard week when you’re looking forward to your CT scan on Friday because you get to lie down for a bit.
And my Tamagotchi just died.
Yahoo and AOL are down
Yahoo and AOL are down
www.independent.co.uk
January 21, 2026 at 4:54 PM
And my Tamagotchi just died.
Right. Plenty of things I need to get done.
*sees Man City score*
Well, I can take 30 minutes out of my evening.
*sees Man City score*
Well, I can take 30 minutes out of my evening.
January 20, 2026 at 7:10 PM
Right. Plenty of things I need to get done.
*sees Man City score*
Well, I can take 30 minutes out of my evening.
*sees Man City score*
Well, I can take 30 minutes out of my evening.
I know it’s not the most important thing right now, but it’s a bit annoying when you’re trying to write a fantasy book with a cartoonishly evil billionaire villain and real life keeps going “hold my beer”.
January 19, 2026 at 10:09 PM
I know it’s not the most important thing right now, but it’s a bit annoying when you’re trying to write a fantasy book with a cartoonishly evil billionaire villain and real life keeps going “hold my beer”.
The world better not end in the immediate future. I’ve just earned enough points for a free coffee from Costa.
January 19, 2026 at 11:03 AM
The world better not end in the immediate future. I’ve just earned enough points for a free coffee from Costa.
One again, a cardboard box is guarded from any potential threat.
January 19, 2026 at 9:25 AM
One again, a cardboard box is guarded from any potential threat.
Installing a new kitchen sink tap. Reading the instructions before I start.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Shit.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Shit.
January 17, 2026 at 3:11 PM
Installing a new kitchen sink tap. Reading the instructions before I start.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Shit.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Shit.
PLAY IDLEWILD YOU COWARDS
I think it was the NME that described early Idlewild as “the sound of a flight of stairs falling down a flight of stairs” #totp
I think it was the NME that described early Idlewild as “the sound of a flight of stairs falling down a flight of stairs” #totp
January 16, 2026 at 7:55 PM
PLAY IDLEWILD YOU COWARDS
I think it was the NME that described early Idlewild as “the sound of a flight of stairs falling down a flight of stairs” #totp
I think it was the NME that described early Idlewild as “the sound of a flight of stairs falling down a flight of stairs” #totp
The prize board giveth and the prize board taketh away.
It's Friday. It's the shortest amount of time anyone has ever owned a trouser press.
youtu.be/tNqn5bKmKNc?...
youtu.be/tNqn5bKmKNc?...
Bullseye - The cruel mistress that is the Prize Board
YouTube video by ChristinaLMartin
youtu.be
January 16, 2026 at 8:55 AM
The prize board giveth and the prize board taketh away.
This is worse than that episode of Friends where Joey took his co-star’s Soapie award.
January 16, 2026 at 8:16 AM
This is worse than that episode of Friends where Joey took his co-star’s Soapie award.
Keep getting adverts for laser surgery on my eyes, but i like my glasses because they help obscure the huge bags and age lines surrounding them.
January 15, 2026 at 3:59 PM
Keep getting adverts for laser surgery on my eyes, but i like my glasses because they help obscure the huge bags and age lines surrounding them.
The escape went sideways though.
January 13, 2026 at 11:34 PM
The escape went sideways though.
I feel Richards once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die #universitychallenge
January 12, 2026 at 8:33 PM
I feel Richards once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die #universitychallenge
I confidently answered this watching House of Games just now only for my kids to turn to me and ask “did… did you just say ‘dishwater’?”
Just found out it’s “dull as ditchwater” not “dull as dishwater”????????????
January 12, 2026 at 6:38 PM
I confidently answered this watching House of Games just now only for my kids to turn to me and ask “did… did you just say ‘dishwater’?”
16YO son is into hip hop. Over Christmas, I suggested he try ‘Ill Communication’ by the Beastie Boys.
Just now he’s said, “Dad, that album was so good I had to go and listen to all their other stuff.”
THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
Just now he’s said, “Dad, that album was so good I had to go and listen to all their other stuff.”
THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
January 9, 2026 at 9:57 PM
16YO son is into hip hop. Over Christmas, I suggested he try ‘Ill Communication’ by the Beastie Boys.
Just now he’s said, “Dad, that album was so good I had to go and listen to all their other stuff.”
THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
Just now he’s said, “Dad, that album was so good I had to go and listen to all their other stuff.”
THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED.
Just caught the end of Dune Part 2 and declare 2026 as the year of my 6th attempt to read the book.
January 8, 2026 at 10:39 PM
Just caught the end of Dune Part 2 and declare 2026 as the year of my 6th attempt to read the book.
Whenever James Bond is driving round the continent in an Aston Martin he picked up in London, I like to imagine him playing the fruities on the cross channel ferry from Dover
January 7, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Whenever James Bond is driving round the continent in an Aston Martin he picked up in London, I like to imagine him playing the fruities on the cross channel ferry from Dover