Tess Snider
@malkyne.com
Fairy codemother. Free-range veteran game programmer and underground programming teacher. Co-owner of indie game studio Hidden Achievement.
Pinned
Tess Snider
@malkyne.com
· Apr 3
Never attribute to artificial incompetence that which is adequately explained by natural incompetence.
Depending on what part of the country you live in, you may also be able to get fresh Ocean Spray cranberries.
November 17, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Depending on what part of the country you live in, you may also be able to get fresh Ocean Spray cranberries.
The text spacing in this ad is as unsettling as the missing comma.
November 17, 2025 at 1:58 AM
The text spacing in this ad is as unsettling as the missing comma.
Does anyone else have nausea problems with low ceilings in videogames? I've had this issue for years, both in first person and third person, and it's really weird.
Like, in Minecraft, if a room is two-blocks high, it makes me abjectly miserable, but I'm fine if it's three blocks.
Like, in Minecraft, if a room is two-blocks high, it makes me abjectly miserable, but I'm fine if it's three blocks.
November 16, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Does anyone else have nausea problems with low ceilings in videogames? I've had this issue for years, both in first person and third person, and it's really weird.
Like, in Minecraft, if a room is two-blocks high, it makes me abjectly miserable, but I'm fine if it's three blocks.
Like, in Minecraft, if a room is two-blocks high, it makes me abjectly miserable, but I'm fine if it's three blocks.
There was also the time that Orpheus and Eurydice were potato people. And the time that I made a piece of artwork with pink hominy grits.
In 9th grade bio, I had a class project where I was supposed to make a "3D cell model." I totally forgot about the project until the morning it was due, so I did what I usually do when I was short on time for a project: I headed to the kitchen.
November 16, 2025 at 3:46 AM
There was also the time that Orpheus and Eurydice were potato people. And the time that I made a piece of artwork with pink hominy grits.
In 9th grade bio, I had a class project where I was supposed to make a "3D cell model." I totally forgot about the project until the morning it was due, so I did what I usually do when I was short on time for a project: I headed to the kitchen.
November 16, 2025 at 3:33 AM
In 9th grade bio, I had a class project where I was supposed to make a "3D cell model." I totally forgot about the project until the morning it was due, so I did what I usually do when I was short on time for a project: I headed to the kitchen.
I was just imagining running a miniatures game, and making a series of increasingly ludicrous jello salad kaijus for everyone to fight, like the angels in Evangelion, and then everyone could eat them at the end of the session, if they dare.
November 15, 2025 at 7:47 PM
I was just imagining running a miniatures game, and making a series of increasingly ludicrous jello salad kaijus for everyone to fight, like the angels in Evangelion, and then everyone could eat them at the end of the session, if they dare.
Other people: I get ads for nothing but guns and ammo and creepy scam shit on Facebook.
My Facebook ads:
My Facebook ads:
November 15, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Other people: I get ads for nothing but guns and ammo and creepy scam shit on Facebook.
My Facebook ads:
My Facebook ads:
One of the weirdest things about the weather getting colder is that I constantly think about videogames that I played when it was cold, in the past, and I want to play them.
November 15, 2025 at 1:54 AM
One of the weirdest things about the weather getting colder is that I constantly think about videogames that I played when it was cold, in the past, and I want to play them.
Who was the first "guy in the chair"? The earliest instance I can think of off-hand was Whoopi Goldberg's character, Terry, in Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986), but there had to be others around that era.
November 12, 2025 at 1:53 AM
Who was the first "guy in the chair"? The earliest instance I can think of off-hand was Whoopi Goldberg's character, Terry, in Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986), but there had to be others around that era.
Reposted by Tess Snider
Friendly tip for folks. My discord got hacked yesterday and my computer was acting funky ever since. Turns out it was malware installed through a blender file I bought as part of an asset pack on CG Trader. I didn’t know blender files were being used this way, but I figured I’d spread the word.
November 11, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Friendly tip for folks. My discord got hacked yesterday and my computer was acting funky ever since. Turns out it was malware installed through a blender file I bought as part of an asset pack on CG Trader. I didn’t know blender files were being used this way, but I figured I’d spread the word.
Reposted by Tess Snider
The insistence on making these robots bipedal is probably the most obvious giveaway that it's all a big carny gimmick
November 11, 2025 at 10:19 PM
The insistence on making these robots bipedal is probably the most obvious giveaway that it's all a big carny gimmick
People should have given me this money, instead. I could have funded many fine games, made by people who know what they're doing, and even if they never made a single penny back, most of the money would still be left over.
November 11, 2025 at 12:08 PM
People should have given me this money, instead. I could have funded many fine games, made by people who know what they're doing, and even if they never made a single penny back, most of the money would still be left over.
There's no way you can convince me that humans were not meant to cradle a mug of their favorite hot beverage in their hands when they are cold. Pottery must have been invented before humans moved into colder climates, or else no one would have borne the indignity of doing without.
November 11, 2025 at 8:02 AM
There's no way you can convince me that humans were not meant to cradle a mug of their favorite hot beverage in their hands when they are cold. Pottery must have been invented before humans moved into colder climates, or else no one would have borne the indignity of doing without.
Back in the 1980s, all you needed for a TV concept was a tall, mysterious Vietnam vet and a cool vehicle. This was multiple entire shows.
November 11, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Back in the 1980s, all you needed for a TV concept was a tall, mysterious Vietnam vet and a cool vehicle. This was multiple entire shows.
Reposted by Tess Snider
credits that include the names of everyone who worked on the game at any point
November 11, 2025 at 4:32 AM
credits that include the names of everyone who worked on the game at any point
Reposted by Tess Snider
Many freelancers in the United States rely on ACA marketplace plans for their health insurance. In an industry that has already been working overtime to turn gamedevs into gig workers, freelance and contract devs are about to get even more squeezed. This is unacceptable.
November 10, 2025 at 5:55 AM
Many freelancers in the United States rely on ACA marketplace plans for their health insurance. In an industry that has already been working overtime to turn gamedevs into gig workers, freelance and contract devs are about to get even more squeezed. This is unacceptable.
We just had a cold snap, in Texas, and I suddenly realized that I can smell the cold outside. Why does cold have a smell?
It’s not synesthesia, because my fridge and freezer don’t smell like this. Maybe it’s a natural phenomenon like petrichor.
It’s not synesthesia, because my fridge and freezer don’t smell like this. Maybe it’s a natural phenomenon like petrichor.
November 9, 2025 at 10:56 PM
We just had a cold snap, in Texas, and I suddenly realized that I can smell the cold outside. Why does cold have a smell?
It’s not synesthesia, because my fridge and freezer don’t smell like this. Maybe it’s a natural phenomenon like petrichor.
It’s not synesthesia, because my fridge and freezer don’t smell like this. Maybe it’s a natural phenomenon like petrichor.
There's no way to do this ethically, and this should be obvious to anyone involved. Stop. Now.
bro are you fucking kidding me
November 6, 2025 at 8:46 PM
There's no way to do this ethically, and this should be obvious to anyone involved. Stop. Now.
This account smells like good, dark-roast coffee, and late at night, the skunk in the back yard. Please, God, somebody make it stop.
This account smells like axe antiperspirant and clean laundry.
This account smells like Hempz Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte lotion.
November 4, 2025 at 1:46 AM
This account smells like good, dark-roast coffee, and late at night, the skunk in the back yard. Please, God, somebody make it stop.
I saw someone claiming to be a 10x engineer today. 10x engineers are a mythology, based on a misunderstanding of study results, so making such a claim is risible.
November 2, 2025 at 6:28 AM
I saw someone claiming to be a 10x engineer today. 10x engineers are a mythology, based on a misunderstanding of study results, so making such a claim is risible.
Reposted by Tess Snider
that's me in the corner
that's me in the float point
losing my precision
that's me in the float point
losing my precision
November 1, 2025 at 3:34 AM
that's me in the corner
that's me in the float point
losing my precision
that's me in the float point
losing my precision
Reposted by Tess Snider
These people are so fucking weird about AI.
October 31, 2025 at 12:40 AM
These people are so fucking weird about AI.
I hate it when a tea company is like, "We use no plastics in our teabags," and then they're like, "We use a proprietary blah blah blah sugar cane blah blah something blah," and it's basically bioplastic.
October 31, 2025 at 1:07 AM
I hate it when a tea company is like, "We use no plastics in our teabags," and then they're like, "We use a proprietary blah blah blah sugar cane blah blah something blah," and it's basically bioplastic.
Somehow, apps managed to add new features for decades, without ever being as utterly pushy and disruptive about it as they are about gen-AI features. The whole thing is so deeply weird.
October 30, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Somehow, apps managed to add new features for decades, without ever being as utterly pushy and disruptive about it as they are about gen-AI features. The whole thing is so deeply weird.
If you see this, post a vampire that isn't Dracula.
October 30, 2025 at 7:41 AM
If you see this, post a vampire that isn't Dracula.