Fundy
@funderlaw.bsky.social
Trial lawyer and @ladylawya’s muse.
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Fundy
@funderlaw.bsky.social
· Nov 9
My wife has this app on her phone that notifies her the second I’ve finished checking out at the grocery store...
... so she can text and ask me to pick up one more thing...
... apparently.
... so she can text and ask me to pick up one more thing...
... apparently.
My wife frequently wakes up mad at real me for something dream me did or said.
Apparently, dream me now has a podcast.
Dream me’s cohost is a woman.
The woman is not my wife.
Apparently, this is a problem.
Apparently, dream me now has a podcast.
Dream me’s cohost is a woman.
The woman is not my wife.
Apparently, this is a problem.
December 14, 2024 at 3:05 PM
My wife frequently wakes up mad at real me for something dream me did or said.
Apparently, dream me now has a podcast.
Dream me’s cohost is a woman.
The woman is not my wife.
Apparently, this is a problem.
Apparently, dream me now has a podcast.
Dream me’s cohost is a woman.
The woman is not my wife.
Apparently, this is a problem.
Reposted by Fundy
it’s just been me and dad since calgon took mom in ‘86
December 4, 2024 at 1:28 AM
it’s just been me and dad since calgon took mom in ‘86
Reposted by Fundy
THE ROMANTIC TALE OF HOW MY WIFE AND I MET (as told by my wife):
“Know how you go grocery shopping while you're hungry & get a bunch of crap you don’t need? Anyway, I met Grant at Vons."
“Know how you go grocery shopping while you're hungry & get a bunch of crap you don’t need? Anyway, I met Grant at Vons."
December 4, 2024 at 2:21 AM
THE ROMANTIC TALE OF HOW MY WIFE AND I MET (as told by my wife):
“Know how you go grocery shopping while you're hungry & get a bunch of crap you don’t need? Anyway, I met Grant at Vons."
“Know how you go grocery shopping while you're hungry & get a bunch of crap you don’t need? Anyway, I met Grant at Vons."
Is that mace and blue?
November 30, 2024 at 8:43 PM
Is that mace and blue?
My dog is looking at my slice of chocolate cake like he knows that in the next life he’ll be human and he’s going to eat ALL the chocolate.
November 30, 2024 at 5:28 PM
My dog is looking at my slice of chocolate cake like he knows that in the next life he’ll be human and he’s going to eat ALL the chocolate.
Learning magic is really hard…
And expensive.
And expensive.
November 22, 2024 at 6:23 PM
Learning magic is really hard…
And expensive.
And expensive.
The only thing more annoying than the voice of a TikToker is the sound of the voice of a TikToker being played at 5X normal speed by my wife, while scrolling TikTok, at 7 AM.
November 19, 2024 at 12:57 AM
The only thing more annoying than the voice of a TikToker is the sound of the voice of a TikToker being played at 5X normal speed by my wife, while scrolling TikTok, at 7 AM.
Reposted by Fundy
if i die on this hill the ants are going to have a hell of a time getting me inside
November 15, 2024 at 4:24 PM
if i die on this hill the ants are going to have a hell of a time getting me inside
My wife never has socks.
I buy her socks, yet still, she never has socks.
We go out of town and she steals my socks....
....because she never has socks.
Why is she lying to me about the socks?
I buy her socks, yet still, she never has socks.
We go out of town and she steals my socks....
....because she never has socks.
Why is she lying to me about the socks?
November 14, 2024 at 2:44 AM
My wife never has socks.
I buy her socks, yet still, she never has socks.
We go out of town and she steals my socks....
....because she never has socks.
Why is she lying to me about the socks?
I buy her socks, yet still, she never has socks.
We go out of town and she steals my socks....
....because she never has socks.
Why is she lying to me about the socks?
Reposted by Fundy
kids: can I have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
November 11, 2024 at 1:05 PM
kids: can I have a popsicle?
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
me: *eating a popsicle* no it’s 8am
Reposted by Fundy
WIFE: you don’t need to take the trash cans down to the curb
ME: why?
WIFE: tomorrow’s veterans day
ME: …wait am i off tomorrow?
WIFE: (shakes head, walks away) yes
ME: why?
WIFE: tomorrow’s veterans day
ME: …wait am i off tomorrow?
WIFE: (shakes head, walks away) yes
November 10, 2024 at 11:12 PM
WIFE: you don’t need to take the trash cans down to the curb
ME: why?
WIFE: tomorrow’s veterans day
ME: …wait am i off tomorrow?
WIFE: (shakes head, walks away) yes
ME: why?
WIFE: tomorrow’s veterans day
ME: …wait am i off tomorrow?
WIFE: (shakes head, walks away) yes
Reposted by Fundy
Had an idea so crazy it just might work: what if I folded all this laundry instead of leaving it in a perpetual pile
November 9, 2024 at 2:25 PM
Had an idea so crazy it just might work: what if I folded all this laundry instead of leaving it in a perpetual pile
Reposted by Fundy
THERAPIST: why do you let everyone walk all over you
THE FLOOR: how high are you right now
THE FLOOR: how high are you right now
November 9, 2024 at 9:53 AM
THERAPIST: why do you let everyone walk all over you
THE FLOOR: how high are you right now
THE FLOOR: how high are you right now
Reposted by Fundy
while I proved my point that a mosh pit can be great exercise I have not been invited back to the senior center
November 5, 2024 at 1:41 PM
while I proved my point that a mosh pit can be great exercise I have not been invited back to the senior center
Reposted by Fundy
I had 14 potential new clients schedule consultations for divorce over the past three days. For context, a phenomenal week would be scheduling 5. Further context, November is the slowest month of the year for new divorce cases. 👀
November 9, 2024 at 5:56 PM
I had 14 potential new clients schedule consultations for divorce over the past three days. For context, a phenomenal week would be scheduling 5. Further context, November is the slowest month of the year for new divorce cases. 👀
Reposted by Fundy
if i were ambidextrous you bet your ass i'd be such a dick about it, switching hands and whatnot
November 8, 2024 at 7:50 PM
if i were ambidextrous you bet your ass i'd be such a dick about it, switching hands and whatnot
Reposted by Fundy
Me: I'm home, I should do some work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Me: We just had some cheese.
Brain: I see no cheese.
Me: That's because we ate it.
Brain: (stares blankly)
Me: (sighs) Look, if I get you more cheese can we work?
Brain: Yes.
(gives brain cheese)
Me: Okay. Work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Me: We just had some cheese.
Brain: I see no cheese.
Me: That's because we ate it.
Brain: (stares blankly)
Me: (sighs) Look, if I get you more cheese can we work?
Brain: Yes.
(gives brain cheese)
Me: Okay. Work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
November 8, 2024 at 5:30 PM
Me: I'm home, I should do some work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Me: We just had some cheese.
Brain: I see no cheese.
Me: That's because we ate it.
Brain: (stares blankly)
Me: (sighs) Look, if I get you more cheese can we work?
Brain: Yes.
(gives brain cheese)
Me: Okay. Work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Me: We just had some cheese.
Brain: I see no cheese.
Me: That's because we ate it.
Brain: (stares blankly)
Me: (sighs) Look, if I get you more cheese can we work?
Brain: Yes.
(gives brain cheese)
Me: Okay. Work.
Brain: No work. Cheese.
Reposted by Fundy
I’m @parkerlawyer from Twitter and I am searching for my friends! If we follow each other over on that hellscape, please say hi so I can follow you!
November 9, 2024 at 3:43 PM
I’m @parkerlawyer from Twitter and I am searching for my friends! If we follow each other over on that hellscape, please say hi so I can follow you!
Reposted by Fundy
sometimes I get emotional thinking about "anyone can cook," the message of Ratatouille
November 8, 2024 at 4:32 PM
sometimes I get emotional thinking about "anyone can cook," the message of Ratatouille
My wife gave me an Oura ring.
Every night at 9 it tells me it’s time to get ready for bed.
It tells me when I should get up and walk around, and when I should relax.
Is my wife outsourcing?
Every night at 9 it tells me it’s time to get ready for bed.
It tells me when I should get up and walk around, and when I should relax.
Is my wife outsourcing?
November 9, 2024 at 4:50 PM
My wife gave me an Oura ring.
Every night at 9 it tells me it’s time to get ready for bed.
It tells me when I should get up and walk around, and when I should relax.
Is my wife outsourcing?
Every night at 9 it tells me it’s time to get ready for bed.
It tells me when I should get up and walk around, and when I should relax.
Is my wife outsourcing?
The bartender at the airport bar (carding everyone), asked the man next to me for his id.
(Guy pulls out a Velcro wallet)
Bartender, “You’re good.”
(Guy pulls out a Velcro wallet)
Bartender, “You’re good.”
November 9, 2024 at 4:37 PM
The bartender at the airport bar (carding everyone), asked the man next to me for his id.
(Guy pulls out a Velcro wallet)
Bartender, “You’re good.”
(Guy pulls out a Velcro wallet)
Bartender, “You’re good.”
My wife pretends to be bad with numbers and asks me to do the math for all transactions so I can feel like I serve some purpose in this relationship.
Well, that and driving…and grilling…
oh, and opening champagne bottles.
Well, that and driving…and grilling…
oh, and opening champagne bottles.
November 9, 2024 at 4:34 PM
My wife pretends to be bad with numbers and asks me to do the math for all transactions so I can feel like I serve some purpose in this relationship.
Well, that and driving…and grilling…
oh, and opening champagne bottles.
Well, that and driving…and grilling…
oh, and opening champagne bottles.
Reposted by Fundy
First person to throw the baby out with the bath water: Fuck, man. I shouldn't have done that
November 9, 2024 at 5:26 AM
First person to throw the baby out with the bath water: Fuck, man. I shouldn't have done that
I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”.
Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is REALLY pissed off about something dream me did.
Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is REALLY pissed off about something dream me did.
November 9, 2024 at 3:22 PM
I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”.
Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is REALLY pissed off about something dream me did.
Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is REALLY pissed off about something dream me did.