not to be dramatic but i'm buying a poison pill to use in case i ever have a sneezing attack while rushing to leave the house again
December 13, 2025 at 3:37 PM
not to be dramatic but i'm buying a poison pill to use in case i ever have a sneezing attack while rushing to leave the house again
free a capella group name idea: choral high ground
November 29, 2025 at 2:46 PM
free a capella group name idea: choral high ground
birding is about googling "blue beak crane texas?" and 50% of the time it's the Texas Blue-Beaked Crane and the other 50% it's called a Hogtittle's Dickie
November 19, 2025 at 1:02 PM
birding is about googling "blue beak crane texas?" and 50% of the time it's the Texas Blue-Beaked Crane and the other 50% it's called a Hogtittle's Dickie
baby socks need to be sold as a subscription
November 13, 2025 at 2:39 PM
baby socks need to be sold as a subscription
multicolor clothes shouldn't be allowed to tell you to "wash with like colors." bro you're not even like colors
November 8, 2025 at 1:06 AM
multicolor clothes shouldn't be allowed to tell you to "wash with like colors." bro you're not even like colors
looks like woke's back on the menu boys
November 5, 2025 at 2:01 AM
looks like woke's back on the menu boys
Reposted by fiona
All right i'll bite. What is New York City
October 29, 2025 at 2:09 AM
All right i'll bite. What is New York City
mom who has been listening to "the happy song" for 9 straight months, listening to "the fate of ophelia": getting a lot of "the happy song" vibes from this
October 29, 2025 at 1:17 PM
mom who has been listening to "the happy song" for 9 straight months, listening to "the fate of ophelia": getting a lot of "the happy song" vibes from this
baby has started doing the "say dada"/"mama" bit which is honestly a little played out at this point
October 25, 2025 at 12:07 AM
baby has started doing the "say dada"/"mama" bit which is honestly a little played out at this point
every video on social media showing a healthy baby growing and celebrating milestones has a thousand comments under it like "time is a thief!!!" and "nooooo!!!!"
October 24, 2025 at 3:33 PM
every video on social media showing a healthy baby growing and celebrating milestones has a thousand comments under it like "time is a thief!!!" and "nooooo!!!!"
Reposted by fiona
MY BRAIN WHEN I COME HOME DRUNK: Put your shoes somewhere weird. Don’t forget to put your shoes somewhere super weird.
October 19, 2025 at 1:41 PM
MY BRAIN WHEN I COME HOME DRUNK: Put your shoes somewhere weird. Don’t forget to put your shoes somewhere super weird.
i actually don't mind hearing the kids upstairs jump around because i know jumping around is fun for kids. and by the same logic i hate to hear them practice piano.
September 12, 2025 at 9:02 PM
i actually don't mind hearing the kids upstairs jump around because i know jumping around is fun for kids. and by the same logic i hate to hear them practice piano.
how sharper than a baby's tooth it is to have a teething baby
September 9, 2025 at 12:58 AM
how sharper than a baby's tooth it is to have a teething baby
Reposted by fiona
Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood?
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
September 6, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood?
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
Reposted by fiona
(guy who's about to invent fermentation) nah i bet it's still good
September 1, 2025 at 3:55 PM
(guy who's about to invent fermentation) nah i bet it's still good
opening hulu, starting a random episode of a reality TV show i've never seen and skipping 9 minutes to have a vintage "turn on the TV" experience
August 22, 2025 at 5:19 PM
opening hulu, starting a random episode of a reality TV show i've never seen and skipping 9 minutes to have a vintage "turn on the TV" experience
me buying a pair of bike shorts i will live in for 15 years: hm idk... $30?
me buying an expensive blouse i will wear 3 times: this is an Investment
me buying an expensive blouse i will wear 3 times: this is an Investment
August 13, 2025 at 1:36 PM
me buying a pair of bike shorts i will live in for 15 years: hm idk... $30?
me buying an expensive blouse i will wear 3 times: this is an Investment
me buying an expensive blouse i will wear 3 times: this is an Investment
Reposted by fiona
Be honest if I were tiny how many of you would conduct experiments on me
August 1, 2025 at 11:41 PM
Be honest if I were tiny how many of you would conduct experiments on me
Reposted by fiona
Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
August 7, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci!
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.
Reposted by fiona
1st base: kissing
2nd base: petting
base 10: math stuff
2nd base: petting
base 10: math stuff
August 3, 2025 at 4:29 PM
1st base: kissing
2nd base: petting
base 10: math stuff
2nd base: petting
base 10: math stuff
Reposted by fiona
Hey, the common loon called. Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful
July 31, 2025 at 9:44 PM
Hey, the common loon called. Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful
i can excuse destroying the environment but i draw the line at defaming the em dash
July 23, 2025 at 10:35 PM
i can excuse destroying the environment but i draw the line at defaming the em dash
fruit by the foot is who fruit rollups thinks she is
July 20, 2025 at 3:20 AM
fruit by the foot is who fruit rollups thinks she is
Reposted by fiona
Animals need to think of an easier way to drink water
July 18, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Animals need to think of an easier way to drink water