Zak
@drjeans.bsky.social
Filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Probably petting my cat
🍐
Probably petting my cat
🍐
Reposted by Zak
Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above Head https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-as-trump-seen-with-damage-numbers-above-head/
December 30, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above Head https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-as-trump-seen-with-damage-numbers-above-head/
Reposted by Zak
Protesters Urged Not To Give Trump Administration Pretext For What It Already Doing https://theonion.com/protesters-urged-not-to-give-trump-administration-pretext-for-what-it-already-doing/
December 29, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Protesters Urged Not To Give Trump Administration Pretext For What It Already Doing https://theonion.com/protesters-urged-not-to-give-trump-administration-pretext-for-what-it-already-doing/
Reposted by Zak
TV Network Refuses To Air ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ For Outdated Depictions Of Hope, Joy https://theonion.com/tv-network-refuses-to-air-miracle-on-34th-street-for-1848159248/
December 25, 2025 at 11:00 PM
TV Network Refuses To Air ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ For Outdated Depictions Of Hope, Joy https://theonion.com/tv-network-refuses-to-air-miracle-on-34th-street-for-1848159248/
Reposted by Zak
Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose https://theonion.com/sad-sack-bullied-by-area-goose-1819573528/
December 21, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose https://theonion.com/sad-sack-bullied-by-area-goose-1819573528/
Reposted by Zak
always remember:
1. sending someone a text message is 1000x more meaningful than a social media post
2. a phone call is technically assault
1. sending someone a text message is 1000x more meaningful than a social media post
2. a phone call is technically assault
December 19, 2025 at 1:58 PM
always remember:
1. sending someone a text message is 1000x more meaningful than a social media post
2. a phone call is technically assault
1. sending someone a text message is 1000x more meaningful than a social media post
2. a phone call is technically assault
Reposted by Zak
I've talked before that the American Dream is a lie. The premise is that if you're smart and work hard, you'll be a success. Then they defined "success" as "rich" and inverted it, so anyone rich must be smart and worked hard.
Now the rich have started to believe their own bullshit.
Now the rich have started to believe their own bullshit.
I have grown to believe that excessive wealth does something to your brain that is analogous to a serious head injury
December 15, 2025 at 7:17 AM
I've talked before that the American Dream is a lie. The premise is that if you're smart and work hard, you'll be a success. Then they defined "success" as "rich" and inverted it, so anyone rich must be smart and worked hard.
Now the rich have started to believe their own bullshit.
Now the rich have started to believe their own bullshit.
The Government we DESERVE
Congress Allocates $500 Million For Development Of Funkier Bass Lines https://theonion.com/congress-allocates-500-million-for-development-of-funk-1819579171/
December 15, 2025 at 3:52 PM
The Government we DESERVE
Reposted by Zak
Caleb Williams 2nd touchdown pass to DJ Moore. (all replays)
December 14, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Caleb Williams 2nd touchdown pass to DJ Moore. (all replays)
Reposted by Zak
Mistletoe Held Above Meatball Sub
December 14, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Mistletoe Held Above Meatball Sub
the villain progression of the Diablo franchise is confusing
-Diablo
-Diablo and his brothers
-Girl Diablo
-Your own mother
-Diablo
-Diablo and his brothers
-Girl Diablo
-Your own mother
December 12, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Reposted by Zak
all those pics of Mickey doing 9/11 are now fully approved by Disney
December 11, 2025 at 3:16 PM
all those pics of Mickey doing 9/11 are now fully approved by Disney
This dude's 3rd grade teacher was standing over his shoulder telling him what letter came next
This was the official objection, from Maxwell Rice, a former Republican candidate for #IL09, who filed objections to several candidates this cycle
The hearing was this morning at 9 a.m.
The hearing was this morning at 9 a.m.
December 9, 2025 at 6:20 PM
This dude's 3rd grade teacher was standing over his shoulder telling him what letter came next
Dude's never heard of the parenting book industry
Jimmy Fallon: "And do you use ChatGPT when raising your baby?"
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
Sam Altman: "I cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT."
December 9, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Dude's never heard of the parenting book industry
Reposted by Zak
Next up: "Here's why you should vote for the guy who thinks the solution to our problems is even LESS regulation!
Nevermind that we've been doing that for 40 fucking years and all it does is make things worse for normal people."
Nevermind that we've been doing that for 40 fucking years and all it does is make things worse for normal people."
December 1, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Next up: "Here's why you should vote for the guy who thinks the solution to our problems is even LESS regulation!
Nevermind that we've been doing that for 40 fucking years and all it does is make things worse for normal people."
Nevermind that we've been doing that for 40 fucking years and all it does is make things worse for normal people."
Reposted by Zak
News outlets are always like:
"Why aren't you selfish poors buying things? These poor corporations are suffering!
What? You want less income inequality? No you don't. Shut up and buy stuff already."
"Why aren't you selfish poors buying things? These poor corporations are suffering!
What? You want less income inequality? No you don't. Shut up and buy stuff already."
December 1, 2025 at 4:47 AM
News outlets are always like:
"Why aren't you selfish poors buying things? These poor corporations are suffering!
What? You want less income inequality? No you don't. Shut up and buy stuff already."
"Why aren't you selfish poors buying things? These poor corporations are suffering!
What? You want less income inequality? No you don't. Shut up and buy stuff already."
Reposted by Zak
losing my mind over youtube's suggested reply for this comment
November 17, 2025 at 3:50 PM
losing my mind over youtube's suggested reply for this comment
Looking at neighborhood crime rates while looking at houses and decided to compare with where I currently live, and... well, my neighborhood is the only place that's solid red in my town. Guess it only goes up from here
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Looking at neighborhood crime rates while looking at houses and decided to compare with where I currently live, and... well, my neighborhood is the only place that's solid red in my town. Guess it only goes up from here
I genuinely wonder how many Thanksgivings the government shutdown actually ended up saving with all the flight cancellations
November 27, 2025 at 4:21 PM
I genuinely wonder how many Thanksgivings the government shutdown actually ended up saving with all the flight cancellations
Reposted by Zak
Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off
Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off
DETROIT—Double-checking that he had approval before finalizing travel plans, Detroit Lions rookie Tate Ratledge reportedly approached head coach Dan Campbell on Monday to see if it might be possible f...
theonion.com
November 23, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Detroit Lions Rookie Asks For Thanksgiving Off
I truly don't know if commercial coffee is just watery, or if I'm just making my coffee super strong
November 23, 2025 at 1:22 AM
I truly don't know if commercial coffee is just watery, or if I'm just making my coffee super strong
Reposted by Zak
AARRGH. CHIROPRACTIC IS NOT MEDICINE, IT’S DANGEROUS BULLSHIT CREATED BY A FUCKING GROCER WHO THOUGHT HE COULD HEAL WITH MAGNETS. WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA
Oh good, they left Chiropractors as professionals but not Nurses, NPs, PA’s or physical therapists
That’s infuriating
That’s infuriating
November 21, 2025 at 7:36 AM
AARRGH. CHIROPRACTIC IS NOT MEDICINE, IT’S DANGEROUS BULLSHIT CREATED BY A FUCKING GROCER WHO THOUGHT HE COULD HEAL WITH MAGNETS. WHAT THE FUCK, AMERICA
It's so cool to watch words lose meaning as Capitalism chooses to start Black Friday tomorrow, the Thursday 8 days before Black Friday
November 19, 2025 at 8:26 PM
It's so cool to watch words lose meaning as Capitalism chooses to start Black Friday tomorrow, the Thursday 8 days before Black Friday
Reposted by Zak
Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities https://theonion.com/horrible-couple-really-wants-wedding-to-reflect-their-p-1819573697/
November 19, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities https://theonion.com/horrible-couple-really-wants-wedding-to-reflect-their-p-1819573697/
Reposted by Zak
got my hands on the first page of the newly released Epstein files. lots to dig into here.
November 18, 2025 at 11:22 PM
got my hands on the first page of the newly released Epstein files. lots to dig into here.
Do you think it's possible for humans to experience the sheer joy a cat gets from knocking something off a table?
November 18, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Do you think it's possible for humans to experience the sheer joy a cat gets from knocking something off a table?