The Nobel Prize committee should announce the World Cup winner tomorrow

Outstanding reporting today from the New Media at the Pentagon.

We don’t need to reform ICE.
We don’t need alternatives to ICE.
We don’t need to engage in dishonest debates wondering what the U.S. would do without ICE.

ICE isn’t even 23 years old. Most adults know a world without ICE. And the billions used to fund ICE can be used to meet people’s basic needs.

My moon conspiracy theory is that every astronaut who sees the Earth from space immediately says “That’s a spicy meatball!” and NASA is covering it up.

honestly prior to today i would've picked Nixon / Reagan as the Presidential pair most likely to have blown each other

"O'er Them Hills" by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers 🎶

chuck schumer has been barred from formally observing this year's lexus december to remember sales event. they can't stop him from standing outside, but he will not be allowed into the showroom and he cannot directly behold the obelisk or participate in the thousand screams

Whenever some sanctimonious Dem announces that America needs a functioning Republican Party, I always think “I’d settle for a functioning Democratic Party.”

that’s right beg you miserable worm

if you're going to a protest today I wish you luck. The only specific thing I will beg of you is this: don't use milk to wash out tear gas or mace. if you see a street medic with milk, yell at them until they throw it out. do not continue to spread lies about emergency medicine.

<sitting on my couch with an apple cider> you've gotta let that pitch hit you in the kneecap man

Just as a reminder, Bondi’s origin story in Trump world is that she said she was going to investigate Trump University, Trump sent her a $25K check and the investigation disappeared. She later became Trump’s personal defense lawyer. So yeah, don’t challenge her integrity.

Folks — this is not a normal government shutdown.

Let me explain the stakes and how we got here.

MARY JANE: sorry about your uncle dan

PETER PARKER: it’s ben

MARY JANE: 🎵one week since you looked at me