Tom Danks 🍃
@chelsesaurusrex.bsky.social
likes are 1000% an endorsement idc what anyone else says
breakfasting with my wife and the girl at the table next to us has no shoes on (yes to socks though) and she’s LOUDLY facetiming someone and just put six creamers and half a jar of sugar in her coffee
November 11, 2025 at 6:15 PM
breakfasting with my wife and the girl at the table next to us has no shoes on (yes to socks though) and she’s LOUDLY facetiming someone and just put six creamers and half a jar of sugar in her coffee
what’s the cringiest singing that’s ever taken place and why is it the way the counting crows guy says “barrio”
November 11, 2025 at 3:31 AM
what’s the cringiest singing that’s ever taken place and why is it the way the counting crows guy says “barrio”
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
mayor zohran mamdani must seize david harbour’s pussy palace and redistribute it
November 5, 2025 at 2:50 AM
mayor zohran mamdani must seize david harbour’s pussy palace and redistribute it
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
you cant call them suicide girls anymore because of woke, theyre unalive girls now
November 19, 2024 at 1:23 AM
you cant call them suicide girls anymore because of woke, theyre unalive girls now
update on this uhhhhhhh she asked what I wanted and I showed her a pic of long layers and she went “oh I’m not good at that” and then trimmed my ends and told me she’s been working there for eight years
my bitch wife said I can’t let the girl at supercuts give me microbangs
November 3, 2025 at 5:09 AM
update on this uhhhhhhh she asked what I wanted and I showed her a pic of long layers and she went “oh I’m not good at that” and then trimmed my ends and told me she’s been working there for eight years
so sad we didn’t ever get to see her in the criterion van
mtv - brittany murphy at a blockbuster (2004)
November 2, 2025 at 4:29 AM
so sad we didn’t ever get to see her in the criterion van
my bitch wife said I can’t let the girl at supercuts give me microbangs
November 2, 2025 at 2:40 AM
my bitch wife said I can’t let the girl at supercuts give me microbangs
DISAGREE, SAMUS IS PRONOUNCED LIKE SEAMUS HER LAST NAME IS ARAN SHES OBVIOUSLY IRISH
October 28, 2025 at 3:42 AM
DISAGREE, SAMUS IS PRONOUNCED LIKE SEAMUS HER LAST NAME IS ARAN SHES OBVIOUSLY IRISH
THE PASSING LANE IS FOR BAD BITCHES ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT A BAD BITCH PLEASE STAY OUT OF THE PASSING LANE
October 18, 2025 at 1:11 AM
THE PASSING LANE IS FOR BAD BITCHES ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT A BAD BITCH PLEASE STAY OUT OF THE PASSING LANE
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
rebranding cum for bros
i just saw something called protein water?
October 13, 2025 at 12:02 AM
rebranding cum for bros
got temporarily assigned to work at an office in the tiniest town (1000 people) and the owner of the store that makes the good sandwiches special ordered me some grapefruit jarritos just because I was like oh that’s my fav flavour so now I’m like THEY BETTER MAKE THIS TEMP ASSIGNMENT PERMANENT
October 9, 2025 at 8:44 PM
got temporarily assigned to work at an office in the tiniest town (1000 people) and the owner of the store that makes the good sandwiches special ordered me some grapefruit jarritos just because I was like oh that’s my fav flavour so now I’m like THEY BETTER MAKE THIS TEMP ASSIGNMENT PERMANENT
once again we are back at the mcdonals and yes the christmas music is playing
back at the mcdonals that always plays of brand christmas music
September 24, 2025 at 10:44 PM
once again we are back at the mcdonals and yes the christmas music is playing
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
gonna be a crazy week for Filter at karaoke bars across the nation
September 11, 2025 at 12:42 AM
gonna be a crazy week for Filter at karaoke bars across the nation
pegged my wife and then made them a charcuterie board (it’s their birthday month hell yeah)
September 2, 2025 at 2:08 AM
pegged my wife and then made them a charcuterie board (it’s their birthday month hell yeah)
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
sorry i didn't fall for your bait. i was distracted by the quiet honesty of my life
May 21, 2024 at 6:53 PM
sorry i didn't fall for your bait. i was distracted by the quiet honesty of my life
best part about my wife finding out about GATE is that he was telling me I might’ve been brainwashed and I was like “why, so they could make me work for the government???? *psshhh*” and then I kissed him goodbye and went to work and like two hours later I’m delivering the mail like HEY WAIT A MINUTE
August 17, 2025 at 6:05 PM
best part about my wife finding out about GATE is that he was telling me I might’ve been brainwashed and I was like “why, so they could make me work for the government???? *psshhh*” and then I kissed him goodbye and went to work and like two hours later I’m delivering the mail like HEY WAIT A MINUTE
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
all work and no play
August 17, 2025 at 5:27 PM
all work and no play
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
what if her name was jfk rowling and her head just did that
August 16, 2025 at 7:44 PM
what if her name was jfk rowling and her head just did that
Reposted by Tom Danks 🍃
Someone I know was sent to a nursing home because he inexplicably went on the roof
Just mentioning that… you know.
Just mentioning that… you know.
Reporters shouted to ask what he was doing up there and he said he was "taking a little walk." He said something about the White House ballroom and made some gestures but it's not really making a ton of sense yet. Normal stuff
August 5, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Someone I know was sent to a nursing home because he inexplicably went on the roof
Just mentioning that… you know.
Just mentioning that… you know.
ah fuck we still have so many cherries left now I gotta bake that one ina garten chocolate cake (you know the one) and also make cherry vanilla syrup for coffees and probably another batch of maraschino cherries ah fuck
August 5, 2025 at 1:55 AM
ah fuck we still have so many cherries left now I gotta bake that one ina garten chocolate cake (you know the one) and also make cherry vanilla syrup for coffees and probably another batch of maraschino cherries ah fuck
my nice wife Dan got his account suspended for telling nazis to fuck off (I’m putting that SO lightly lmao) so it’s up to me to post our food content now and today we’re canning our own maraschino cherries because they were 85¢/lb at winco
August 5, 2025 at 12:51 AM
my nice wife Dan got his account suspended for telling nazis to fuck off (I’m putting that SO lightly lmao) so it’s up to me to post our food content now and today we’re canning our own maraschino cherries because they were 85¢/lb at winco