Tom Danks 🍃
@chelsesaurusrex.bsky.social
likes are 1000% an endorsement idc what anyone else says
breakfasting with my wife and the girl at the table next to us has no shoes on (yes to socks though) and she’s LOUDLY facetiming someone and just put six creamers and half a jar of sugar in her coffee
November 11, 2025 at 6:15 PM
breakfasting with my wife and the girl at the table next to us has no shoes on (yes to socks though) and she’s LOUDLY facetiming someone and just put six creamers and half a jar of sugar in her coffee
today they asked me to throw a pizza party for their parade next weekend
October 8, 2025 at 8:54 PM
today they asked me to throw a pizza party for their parade next weekend
pegged my wife and then made them a charcuterie board (it’s their birthday month hell yeah)
September 2, 2025 at 2:08 AM
pegged my wife and then made them a charcuterie board (it’s their birthday month hell yeah)
one again wearing my coolest sunglasses at the pink Floyd cover band show
August 15, 2025 at 2:21 AM
one again wearing my coolest sunglasses at the pink Floyd cover band show
ah fuck we still have so many cherries left now I gotta bake that one ina garten chocolate cake (you know the one) and also make cherry vanilla syrup for coffees and probably another batch of maraschino cherries ah fuck
August 5, 2025 at 1:55 AM
ah fuck we still have so many cherries left now I gotta bake that one ina garten chocolate cake (you know the one) and also make cherry vanilla syrup for coffees and probably another batch of maraschino cherries ah fuck
wife INNOCENT also our cocktails are going to be so fancy in approx four weeks
August 5, 2025 at 1:38 AM
wife INNOCENT also our cocktails are going to be so fancy in approx four weeks
my nice wife Dan got his account suspended for telling nazis to fuck off (I’m putting that SO lightly lmao) so it’s up to me to post our food content now and today we’re canning our own maraschino cherries because they were 85¢/lb at winco
August 5, 2025 at 12:51 AM
my nice wife Dan got his account suspended for telling nazis to fuck off (I’m putting that SO lightly lmao) so it’s up to me to post our food content now and today we’re canning our own maraschino cherries because they were 85¢/lb at winco
imagine being this mean about a salad
lmao @ the french
lmao @ the french
July 27, 2025 at 9:45 PM
imagine being this mean about a salad
lmao @ the french
lmao @ the french
there isn’t a single pic of Fred Durst and Wes Borland that exists where I don’t go “those guys are me, I’m both those guys”
July 24, 2025 at 11:39 PM
there isn’t a single pic of Fred Durst and Wes Borland that exists where I don’t go “those guys are me, I’m both those guys”
theater’s still empty come through
July 22, 2025 at 11:21 PM
theater’s still empty come through
yES He EAts My ASS!!
July 4, 2025 at 5:18 PM
yES He EAts My ASS!!
still on that bullshit sorry to everyone but my haters
July 2, 2025 at 5:35 PM
still on that bullshit sorry to everyone but my haters
yesterday the cashier at bimart was like “frogs and Jesus, that’s all anyone needs amen!” And here’s the shirts me and Dan were wearing that made her so excited
June 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
yesterday the cashier at bimart was like “frogs and Jesus, that’s all anyone needs amen!” And here’s the shirts me and Dan were wearing that made her so excited
a goth keeps getting in my yard and making messes
June 26, 2025 at 6:52 PM
a goth keeps getting in my yard and making messes
the post office is closed tomorrrow fyi
June 19, 2025 at 1:33 AM
the post office is closed tomorrrow fyi
they call me the
November 25, 2024 at 12:50 AM
they call me the
update on my crow friends from like forever ago:
November 22, 2024 at 2:42 AM
update on my crow friends from like forever ago:
hey did someone lose their shroom bc if u did we found it on the golf course
April 23, 2024 at 8:35 PM
hey did someone lose their shroom bc if u did we found it on the golf course