Tomorrow I will defeat my family.

“What radicalized you?” When I was five, I watched a troupe of queer-coded insect circus performers revolutionize an ant colony to rise up against their grasshopper oppressors whose leader gets eaten by a bird, there was no coming back from that. I’ve been saying “eat the rich” since 1998.

I was not put on this earth to work. I was put here to get a new hobby every week and then move on as soon as I get even a little bit good at it

sometimes i'll notice all my facial muscles are tense and then i realize it's because i've been making the nastiest most hater-ass face you've ever seen for several minutes straight

Me: *sees an AutoZone*
Me: Get in the zone—
Me + Berb: AUTOZONE.

Happy pride month eve to all, even the haters and losers

I could use the Death Note responsibly and effectively.

inventing a sleep that is sleepiful

TPK 15 minutes into the game session, let’s go

Do Not Comply In Advance: bossy, already a cliche, implies permission to comply later

Fuck You, Make Me: leads by example, directs yelling at opposition instead of allies, easy to chant at a protest or put on a banner

i don't want to hear shit from a politician unless it's plans to construct and operate a guillotine on the white house lawn

i'm tired of being told to stop doomscrolling. i'm just scrolling, it's not my fault there's doom on there

Wife: you better not have found the peace of wild things again. Have you been in the woods?

Me, serenely chewing on a stick: no

All out of “fix your hearts” sorry I only have “die!”

Special thanks to @themountaingoats.bsky.social for uploading a high quality version of the music video for this song today specifically. If you haven’t heard it before, you should listen to it. If you have heard it, chant it like a prayer.

Very much here for the staff of IKEA inventing fake board games for their room display

an "ON AIR" sign but it says "MAD B/C HUNGRY"