Pinned
[Big Scream]
@turdfartlet.bsky.social
· Dec 17
Me: It's a dog eat cheese world out there
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Reposted by [Big Scream]
These zoomer ghouls are the worst. "Lemme hold all your skin", absolutely not! That's my skin you little dipshit.
Go back to your barrow that smells like Baja Blast™ and X-Boxes that aren't properly ventilated.
Go back to your barrow that smells like Baja Blast™ and X-Boxes that aren't properly ventilated.
January 27, 2026 at 3:48 AM
These zoomer ghouls are the worst. "Lemme hold all your skin", absolutely not! That's my skin you little dipshit.
Go back to your barrow that smells like Baja Blast™ and X-Boxes that aren't properly ventilated.
Go back to your barrow that smells like Baja Blast™ and X-Boxes that aren't properly ventilated.
Me: *ZZ Top Voice* "She's got eggs! And she knows how to use them!"
Birdwatching Guide: "I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE FUCKEN TIME"
Birdwatching Guide: "I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE FUCKEN TIME"
January 27, 2026 at 3:24 AM
Me: *ZZ Top Voice* "She's got eggs! And she knows how to use them!"
Birdwatching Guide: "I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE FUCKEN TIME"
Birdwatching Guide: "I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE FUCKEN TIME"
Me: Where am I?
Saint Peter: This is the gates of Heaven
Me: Oh wow then you must be Saint PeePee!
Saint Peter: There's no way you think my name is-
Me: *loudly chewing Doritos* Yeah you're the guy who unclogs the toilets up here
Saint PeePee: *flushes me to hell*
Saint Peter: This is the gates of Heaven
Me: Oh wow then you must be Saint PeePee!
Saint Peter: There's no way you think my name is-
Me: *loudly chewing Doritos* Yeah you're the guy who unclogs the toilets up here
Saint PeePee: *flushes me to hell*
January 27, 2026 at 1:35 AM
Me: Where am I?
Saint Peter: This is the gates of Heaven
Me: Oh wow then you must be Saint PeePee!
Saint Peter: There's no way you think my name is-
Me: *loudly chewing Doritos* Yeah you're the guy who unclogs the toilets up here
Saint PeePee: *flushes me to hell*
Saint Peter: This is the gates of Heaven
Me: Oh wow then you must be Saint PeePee!
Saint Peter: There's no way you think my name is-
Me: *loudly chewing Doritos* Yeah you're the guy who unclogs the toilets up here
Saint PeePee: *flushes me to hell*
Reposted by [Big Scream]
ask your doctor if your head
exploding is right for you
exploding is right for you
January 26, 2026 at 8:16 PM
ask your doctor if your head
exploding is right for you
exploding is right for you
Reposted by [Big Scream]
INTERVIEWER: what is your greatest strength
ME: i go berserk whenever i hear an oxymoron
INTERVIEWER: wouldn’t that be your greatest weakness
ME: *lunges across desk*
ME: i go berserk whenever i hear an oxymoron
INTERVIEWER: wouldn’t that be your greatest weakness
ME: *lunges across desk*
January 26, 2026 at 10:22 PM
INTERVIEWER: what is your greatest strength
ME: i go berserk whenever i hear an oxymoron
INTERVIEWER: wouldn’t that be your greatest weakness
ME: *lunges across desk*
ME: i go berserk whenever i hear an oxymoron
INTERVIEWER: wouldn’t that be your greatest weakness
ME: *lunges across desk*
Damn gurl you really put the ass in ascocarp
January 26, 2026 at 3:56 AM
Damn gurl you really put the ass in ascocarp
You should TAWKTUA therapist
January 26, 2026 at 2:52 AM
You should TAWKTUA therapist
My idle animation is a guy shitting his pants
January 25, 2026 at 11:16 PM
My idle animation is a guy shitting his pants
Guard: Working for the king ain't all it's cracked up to be..
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
January 25, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Guard: Working for the king ain't all it's cracked up to be..
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Meating your significant other's parents is probably way less stressful for cannibals.
January 24, 2026 at 7:44 PM
Meating your significant other's parents is probably way less stressful for cannibals.
Me: I'm so hard right now
Medusa: I know.
Medusa: I know.
January 24, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Me: I'm so hard right now
Medusa: I know.
Medusa: I know.
[First day as a urologist]
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
January 24, 2026 at 2:41 PM
[First day as a urologist]
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Reposted by [Big Scream]
It's weird that bugs have antennae because what do they need to listen to the radio for
January 23, 2026 at 12:00 PM
It's weird that bugs have antennae because what do they need to listen to the radio for
Yeah, I'm a pinball wizzard *gestures vaguely at thoroughly pissed robes*
January 21, 2026 at 4:24 PM
Yeah, I'm a pinball wizzard *gestures vaguely at thoroughly pissed robes*
Start hunting for Santa early this year
January 21, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Start hunting for Santa early this year
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Batman: Mr. Mayor, I believe your life is in danger. The Jerker has escaped Arkham Asylum.
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
March 19, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Batman: Mr. Mayor, I believe your life is in danger. The Jerker has escaped Arkham Asylum.
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
The Joker: Let's put a smiiiile on that face!
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
January 21, 2026 at 3:13 AM
The Joker: Let's put a smiiiile on that face!
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Reposted by [Big Scream]
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Becoming an abomination. That's me on the altar, the ritual is complete.
January 21, 2026 at 2:29 AM
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Becoming an abomination. That's me on the altar, the ritual is complete.
Mom: You are GROUNDED, mister!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
January 21, 2026 at 2:02 AM
Mom: You are GROUNDED, mister!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me: I came up with a new thing called "Reverse Cowgirl" last night.
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
January 20, 2026 at 7:32 PM
Me: I came up with a new thing called "Reverse Cowgirl" last night.
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
I'm paywalling* all my good posts
*gas station toilet
*gas station toilet
January 20, 2026 at 4:26 AM
I'm paywalling* all my good posts
*gas station toilet
*gas station toilet
Dude's suddenly being sports experts when their girlfriend says the word "football"?
The Mansplainian Candidate.
The Mansplainian Candidate.
January 20, 2026 at 3:49 AM
Dude's suddenly being sports experts when their girlfriend says the word "football"?
The Mansplainian Candidate.
The Mansplainian Candidate.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Posting this to X, Threads, and Bluesky as an experiment
January 20, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Posting this to X, Threads, and Bluesky as an experiment
Me being mauled and eaten by a polar bear? Talk about a Kodiak Moment!©
January 20, 2026 at 3:14 AM
Me being mauled and eaten by a polar bear? Talk about a Kodiak Moment!©
Friend: You gonna be okay?
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
January 19, 2026 at 4:43 PM
Friend: You gonna be okay?
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!