Pinned
[Big Scream]
@turdfartlet.bsky.social
· Dec 17
Me: It's a dog eat cheese world out there
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Friend: You mean dog eat dog?
Me: Bro have you ever even met a dog?
Damn gurl you really put the ass in ascocarp
January 26, 2026 at 3:56 AM
Damn gurl you really put the ass in ascocarp
You should TAWKTUA therapist
January 26, 2026 at 2:52 AM
You should TAWKTUA therapist
My idle animation is a guy shitting his pants
January 25, 2026 at 11:16 PM
My idle animation is a guy shitting his pants
Guard: Working for the king ain't all it's cracked up to be..
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
January 25, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Guard: Working for the king ain't all it's cracked up to be..
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Humpty Dumpty: It ain't fucken what?
Meating your significant other's parents is probably way less stressful for cannibals.
January 24, 2026 at 7:44 PM
Meating your significant other's parents is probably way less stressful for cannibals.
Me: I'm so hard right now
Medusa: I know.
Medusa: I know.
January 24, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Me: I'm so hard right now
Medusa: I know.
Medusa: I know.
[First day as a urologist]
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
January 24, 2026 at 2:41 PM
[First day as a urologist]
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Me: Did you try turning it off and on again?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: Maybe blow in it?
Guy: Uhhh
Me: I got some Game Genie codes you could try too
Reposted by [Big Scream]
It's weird that bugs have antennae because what do they need to listen to the radio for
January 23, 2026 at 12:00 PM
It's weird that bugs have antennae because what do they need to listen to the radio for
Yeah, I'm a pinball wizzard *gestures vaguely at thoroughly pissed robes*
January 21, 2026 at 4:24 PM
Yeah, I'm a pinball wizzard *gestures vaguely at thoroughly pissed robes*
Start hunting for Santa early this year
January 21, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Start hunting for Santa early this year
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Batman: Mr. Mayor, I believe your life is in danger. The Jerker has escaped Arkham Asylum.
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
March 19, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Batman: Mr. Mayor, I believe your life is in danger. The Jerker has escaped Arkham Asylum.
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
Mayor: The Jerker?
Batman: Yes, his gooners broke in and jerked him off the roof in their hellacockter.
Joker: *standing behind curtain* THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!
The Joker: Let's put a smiiiile on that face!
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
January 21, 2026 at 3:13 AM
The Joker: Let's put a smiiiile on that face!
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Me: *ashes joint on his face* Good fucken luck dude
Reposted by [Big Scream]
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Becoming an abomination. That's me on the altar, the ritual is complete.
January 21, 2026 at 2:29 AM
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Becoming an abomination. That's me on the altar, the ritual is complete.
Mom: You are GROUNDED, mister!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
January 21, 2026 at 2:02 AM
Mom: You are GROUNDED, mister!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me, a B-52 Stratofortress Bomber: THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Me: I came up with a new thing called "Reverse Cowgirl" last night.
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
January 20, 2026 at 7:32 PM
Me: I came up with a new thing called "Reverse Cowgirl" last night.
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
Friend: That's been a sex move forever.
Me: *suddenly worried my genetic experiments are somehow a weird sex thing* Uhh yeah I knew that
I'm paywalling* all my good posts
*gas station toilet
*gas station toilet
January 20, 2026 at 4:26 AM
I'm paywalling* all my good posts
*gas station toilet
*gas station toilet
Dude's suddenly being sports experts when their girlfriend says the word "football"?
The Mansplainian Candidate.
The Mansplainian Candidate.
January 20, 2026 at 3:49 AM
Dude's suddenly being sports experts when their girlfriend says the word "football"?
The Mansplainian Candidate.
The Mansplainian Candidate.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Posting this to X, Threads, and Bluesky as an experiment
January 20, 2026 at 1:04 AM
Posting this to X, Threads, and Bluesky as an experiment
Me being mauled and eaten by a polar bear? Talk about a Kodiak Moment!©
January 20, 2026 at 3:14 AM
Me being mauled and eaten by a polar bear? Talk about a Kodiak Moment!©
Friend: You gonna be okay?
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
January 19, 2026 at 4:43 PM
Friend: You gonna be okay?
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
Me: Yeah this ain't my first rodeo!
Friend: This isn't your first time crying at a Starbucks?
Me: *eyes red* They forgot my sprinkles again!!
Interviewer: Any reason you left the experience section blank?
Jimi Hendrix: *sweating* Uhhh
Jimi Hendrix: *sweating* Uhhh
January 18, 2026 at 9:58 PM
Interviewer: Any reason you left the experience section blank?
Jimi Hendrix: *sweating* Uhhh
Jimi Hendrix: *sweating* Uhhh
Reposted by [Big Scream]
People don't want to hear this but too much baby talk can hinder your cat's language development
January 18, 2026 at 8:27 PM
People don't want to hear this but too much baby talk can hinder your cat's language development
Wipe my butt to clean feces
Those were my last clean jorts
Defecation
No flushing
Tossed in the trash and my date she be fleeing
Those were my last clean jorts
Defecation
No flushing
Tossed in the trash and my date she be fleeing
January 17, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Wipe my butt to clean feces
Those were my last clean jorts
Defecation
No flushing
Tossed in the trash and my date she be fleeing
Those were my last clean jorts
Defecation
No flushing
Tossed in the trash and my date she be fleeing
More like Turdblo Tax lmao
January 17, 2026 at 3:25 PM
More like Turdblo Tax lmao
Cop: License and registrstion-
Me: *quirks eyebrow*
Cop: *lowers glasses* -to eat ass
Me: In all 50 states baby
Me: *quirks eyebrow*
Cop: *lowers glasses* -to eat ass
Me: In all 50 states baby
January 15, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Cop: License and registrstion-
Me: *quirks eyebrow*
Cop: *lowers glasses* -to eat ass
Me: In all 50 states baby
Me: *quirks eyebrow*
Cop: *lowers glasses* -to eat ass
Me: In all 50 states baby