Pinned
[Big Scream]
@turdfartlet.bsky.social
· Aug 17
Her: What's your dream date?
Me: You chase me around with a broom then cover me with delicious garbage.
Her: What?
Me: Uhhhh
Raccoon wingman in my ear: C'mon buddy you're losing her!!
Me: You chase me around with a broom then cover me with delicious garbage.
Her: What?
Me: Uhhhh
Raccoon wingman in my ear: C'mon buddy you're losing her!!
Me: These boots were made for Walken
Christopher Walken: Where the hell did you get those?
Me: Your cobbler sends his regards..
Christopher Walken: Where the hell did you get those?
Me: Your cobbler sends his regards..
November 13, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Me: These boots were made for Walken
Christopher Walken: Where the hell did you get those?
Me: Your cobbler sends his regards..
Christopher Walken: Where the hell did you get those?
Me: Your cobbler sends his regards..
Reposted by [Big Scream]
GHOST OF ME: (watching my corpse get tossed atop a huge pile of bodies) let's fuckin goooo king of the pile
May 4, 2025 at 12:03 AM
GHOST OF ME: (watching my corpse get tossed atop a huge pile of bodies) let's fuckin goooo king of the pile
An offer I can't refuse?
What're you gonna give me a whole bunch of lithium batteries?
What're you gonna give me a whole bunch of lithium batteries?
November 13, 2025 at 3:38 AM
An offer I can't refuse?
What're you gonna give me a whole bunch of lithium batteries?
What're you gonna give me a whole bunch of lithium batteries?
You'd have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool me.
Like 10:30 at the latest.
Like 10:30 at the latest.
November 12, 2025 at 6:19 AM
You'd have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool me.
Like 10:30 at the latest.
Like 10:30 at the latest.
The episode where Barney goes extinct.
Still can't believe they showed him vaporizing from the blast wave.
Still can't believe they showed him vaporizing from the blast wave.
November 12, 2025 at 4:36 AM
The episode where Barney goes extinct.
Still can't believe they showed him vaporizing from the blast wave.
Still can't believe they showed him vaporizing from the blast wave.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Why is it called a lie detector machine and not a defibillator?
November 10, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Why is it called a lie detector machine and not a defibillator?
Oh weird, every single answer on Jeopardy tonight is Sugma.
November 11, 2025 at 5:51 AM
Oh weird, every single answer on Jeopardy tonight is Sugma.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Sometimes what the doctor ordered is a nice lil beige meal
November 10, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Sometimes what the doctor ordered is a nice lil beige meal
Reposted by [Big Scream]
When there’s a little more dinner you can eat while you’re cleaning up, that’s called The Cleaner Upper’s Delight
November 11, 2025 at 2:58 AM
When there’s a little more dinner you can eat while you’re cleaning up, that’s called The Cleaner Upper’s Delight
Reposted by [Big Scream]
True connoisseurs know that the tastiest juices are in the limbs, which have to be cracked like crab legs to drink the precious fluids inside
February 7, 2024 at 3:30 PM
True connoisseurs know that the tastiest juices are in the limbs, which have to be cracked like crab legs to drink the precious fluids inside
You could get lost in my eyes?
How would that even work?
What the hell are you even talking about?
You trying to steal my eyes??
How would that even work?
What the hell are you even talking about?
You trying to steal my eyes??
November 10, 2025 at 6:28 PM
You could get lost in my eyes?
How would that even work?
What the hell are you even talking about?
You trying to steal my eyes??
How would that even work?
What the hell are you even talking about?
You trying to steal my eyes??
*wavedashing around like a little critter*
November 10, 2025 at 2:59 PM
*wavedashing around like a little critter*
Reposted by [Big Scream]
the important thing is that Waldo finds himself
November 9, 2025 at 6:15 PM
the important thing is that Waldo finds himself
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Sorry I can’t go. I have horse rehearsal. I have rehorsal. We rehearse the horses, all kinds. Usually there are a few of us at rehorsal and everyone has different kinds of horse for it. For horse rehearsal. Rehorsal
November 10, 2025 at 4:04 AM
Sorry I can’t go. I have horse rehearsal. I have rehorsal. We rehearse the horses, all kinds. Usually there are a few of us at rehorsal and everyone has different kinds of horse for it. For horse rehearsal. Rehorsal
Cricket: Haha do you think these wings make me look fat?
Pinocchio: No. I think they make you look like a plump little morsel.
Cricket: Plump little morsel? You messing with me?
Pinocchio: *nose not growing an inch* Haha yeah, just kidding.
Pinocchio: No. I think they make you look like a plump little morsel.
Cricket: Plump little morsel? You messing with me?
Pinocchio: *nose not growing an inch* Haha yeah, just kidding.
November 10, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Cricket: Haha do you think these wings make me look fat?
Pinocchio: No. I think they make you look like a plump little morsel.
Cricket: Plump little morsel? You messing with me?
Pinocchio: *nose not growing an inch* Haha yeah, just kidding.
Pinocchio: No. I think they make you look like a plump little morsel.
Cricket: Plump little morsel? You messing with me?
Pinocchio: *nose not growing an inch* Haha yeah, just kidding.
I'm not high maintenance.
I just like smoking pot on my mechanic's roof.
I just like smoking pot on my mechanic's roof.
November 10, 2025 at 4:46 AM
I'm not high maintenance.
I just like smoking pot on my mechanic's roof.
I just like smoking pot on my mechanic's roof.
*grunts and that sock I lost last month falls out*
November 10, 2025 at 3:42 AM
*grunts and that sock I lost last month falls out*
Reposted by [Big Scream]
An adorable black squirrel just ran up to me and gave me a tiny little letter it was carrying in its mouth it was cute till I saw it was a fucking subpoena
November 9, 2025 at 5:17 PM
An adorable black squirrel just ran up to me and gave me a tiny little letter it was carrying in its mouth it was cute till I saw it was a fucking subpoena
Professor: Hey keep your eyes to yourself!
Me: *eyes crawling all over the guy next to me* Aww man...
Me: *eyes crawling all over the guy next to me* Aww man...
November 9, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Professor: Hey keep your eyes to yourself!
Me: *eyes crawling all over the guy next to me* Aww man...
Me: *eyes crawling all over the guy next to me* Aww man...
Been working my core so I can put the "abs" in abyss.
November 9, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Been working my core so I can put the "abs" in abyss.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
Awkward. Accidentaly said "you too" to a coworker who said "sorry for your loss", and now I have to kill one of their loved ones to save face.
November 8, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Awkward. Accidentaly said "you too" to a coworker who said "sorry for your loss", and now I have to kill one of their loved ones to save face.
Just saw a Domino's ad selling $6.70 pizzas for their "6-7" promo and now i want to eat 6-7 grenades.
November 8, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Just saw a Domino's ad selling $6.70 pizzas for their "6-7" promo and now i want to eat 6-7 grenades.
A zebra is just a fancy horse with a coke problem
November 8, 2025 at 5:09 AM
A zebra is just a fancy horse with a coke problem
Mixed up pelicans with politicians again and really got a mouthful down at city hall
November 7, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Mixed up pelicans with politicians again and really got a mouthful down at city hall
People ask "what the dog doing?" when they should be asking "why the dog doing?" or "when the dog doing?"
November 7, 2025 at 3:29 PM
People ask "what the dog doing?" when they should be asking "why the dog doing?" or "when the dog doing?"