Torsion SadHam Hussein
@torsionham.bsky.social
Envisioner of the Planet Of The Horses. Veteran potato observer. Sample text. Profile pic by @frovo.bsky.social
Pinned
Psst kid, wanna buy some... [opens trench coat, briefcases fall out and trench coats spill out of the briefcases]
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
If you say "my skin is so dry" people might recommend a lotion but if you say "my skin is so wet" no one will help you
February 13, 2026 at 1:14 PM
If you say "my skin is so dry" people might recommend a lotion but if you say "my skin is so wet" no one will help you
In trouble with my GF after I stole all the lightbulbs from her parents’ house
February 13, 2026 at 10:06 PM
In trouble with my GF after I stole all the lightbulbs from her parents’ house
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
ME: Can I have the lobster thermidor please
WAITER: Uh, we don't serve lobster thermidor
ME: [Taking a gun out of my satchel]
WAITER: Uh, we don't serve lobster thermidor
ME: [Taking a gun out of my satchel]
September 5, 2024 at 11:25 PM
ME: Can I have the lobster thermidor please
WAITER: Uh, we don't serve lobster thermidor
ME: [Taking a gun out of my satchel]
WAITER: Uh, we don't serve lobster thermidor
ME: [Taking a gun out of my satchel]
Yes but have you considered the fact that I want to go to bed
February 12, 2026 at 3:43 PM
Yes but have you considered the fact that I want to go to bed
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
You can be a dog person, a cat person, a person person, a dog cat or a worm bird, but you must never be a fish horse
February 12, 2026 at 12:10 PM
You can be a dog person, a cat person, a person person, a dog cat or a worm bird, but you must never be a fish horse
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar)
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
December 2, 2025 at 5:01 AM
New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar)
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
It is once again that time of day when you learn against your will that I am pooping
November 9, 2025 at 10:46 PM
It is once again that time of day when you learn against your will that I am pooping
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
oh you eat your can of beans with a spoon? i eat mine with another can of beans
February 11, 2026 at 12:57 AM
oh you eat your can of beans with a spoon? i eat mine with another can of beans
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
astrology is bullshit. i don't care if Neptune is sucking off Mars or whatever
August 5, 2023 at 8:33 PM
astrology is bullshit. i don't care if Neptune is sucking off Mars or whatever
ME: Ah, the Möbius strip, a continuous 3D topological construct with only 1 side
MÖBIUS STRIP: [Möbius strip noises]
MÖBIUS STRIP: [Möbius strip noises]
February 10, 2026 at 8:04 PM
ME: Ah, the Möbius strip, a continuous 3D topological construct with only 1 side
MÖBIUS STRIP: [Möbius strip noises]
MÖBIUS STRIP: [Möbius strip noises]
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
Was frantically tapping the sound button on this and realized the audio was playing in my fiancé’s AirPods downstairs. He heard the music and came upstairs because he thought I “was watching Lord of the Rings,” and I had to grimly turn my phone toward him as an animatronic pig jawed silently
February 10, 2026 at 6:09 AM
Was frantically tapping the sound button on this and realized the audio was playing in my fiancé’s AirPods downstairs. He heard the music and came upstairs because he thought I “was watching Lord of the Rings,” and I had to grimly turn my phone toward him as an animatronic pig jawed silently
Well they didn’t but they brought back the song he sang… close enough
I hereby demand that they bring back Pavarotti for the Milan-Cortina 2026 Winter Olympics opening ceremony
February 8, 2026 at 10:20 PM
Well they didn’t but they brought back the song he sang… close enough
Clandestine egg sandwich
February 6, 2026 at 10:18 AM
Clandestine egg sandwich
I'm a big handshake person. It's not that I'm particularly fond of handshakes, it's just that my handshakes are very large physically. They take up a lot of space (usually more than 3 cubic metres)
February 5, 2026 at 9:40 PM
I'm a big handshake person. It's not that I'm particularly fond of handshakes, it's just that my handshakes are very large physically. They take up a lot of space (usually more than 3 cubic metres)
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
this was simply inevitable
February 4, 2026 at 7:47 PM
this was simply inevitable
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
me: *opens door*
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
February 3, 2026 at 12:54 PM
me: *opens door*
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
Excited to announce I have been awarded the ATOL Peace Prize for my work with torque wrenches
February 3, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Excited to announce I have been awarded the ATOL Peace Prize for my work with torque wrenches
Why does this keep coming up in my feed and why do I feel like I recognise guy from somewhere
February 1, 2026 at 7:45 PM
Why does this keep coming up in my feed and why do I feel like I recognise guy from somewhere
Why do barber shops shut at 4pm on Sundays?? What kind of kafkaesque society do we live in where you can’t get your hair cut at quarter past four on a Sunday???
February 1, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Why do barber shops shut at 4pm on Sundays?? What kind of kafkaesque society do we live in where you can’t get your hair cut at quarter past four on a Sunday???
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
This email could have been an eerie phantasm that haunts your dreams and slowly drives you into an ocean of madness, forever forgotten to the sands of time.
January 30, 2026 at 9:52 PM
This email could have been an eerie phantasm that haunts your dreams and slowly drives you into an ocean of madness, forever forgotten to the sands of time.
I need you to come up with an estimate for how many Nissans will be involved in road accidents worldwide during the next hour. Don’t ask what this for. Yes that’s right, you. The person reading this tweet. Chop chop
February 1, 2026 at 1:20 PM
I need you to come up with an estimate for how many Nissans will be involved in road accidents worldwide during the next hour. Don’t ask what this for. Yes that’s right, you. The person reading this tweet. Chop chop
New prestige TV drama called Mindbomber
January 30, 2026 at 7:23 PM
New prestige TV drama called Mindbomber
Reposted by Torsion SadHam Hussein
Job interview tip: Show you’ll give 110% by pouring 10% too much water into your glass. Smile knowingly.
January 29, 2026 at 9:01 PM
Job interview tip: Show you’ll give 110% by pouring 10% too much water into your glass. Smile knowingly.