longest rowan
@timesnewrowan.bsky.social
they/them • professional comma shuffler • amateur bagel eater • photo by alex kacha • https://www.timesnewrowan.com/
Pinned
longest rowan
@timesnewrowan.bsky.social
· Nov 13
every single day that i log on here is less comprehensible than the previous one
Reposted by longest rowan
A basic tenet of my worldview is that fascism is very hard to sustain due to the fundamental rowdiness of people. You have to do so much for so long to contain it. You will never have enough guys. Eventually you just give up and start killing people but you go to sleep surrounded by the feral living
January 26, 2026 at 11:23 AM
A basic tenet of my worldview is that fascism is very hard to sustain due to the fundamental rowdiness of people. You have to do so much for so long to contain it. You will never have enough guys. Eventually you just give up and start killing people but you go to sleep surrounded by the feral living
Reposted by longest rowan
![VOLITION [Easy: Failure] – You wake up in your Hilton suite to a cacophony of whistles and horns. Half drunk and half hungover, you hastily throw on your tactical gear. It feels heavier than you remember. You stumble outside. The cold hits you like a brick. What are you doing here in this dismal city? Home is warm. Home is safe. Home is a thousand miles away. Tucking your shotgun between your legs, you fumble with a tear gas canister like a child learning how to tie their shoes. The gun goes off and you shoot yourself in the balls.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:eqh433fdh2bqhvt455e3tg67/bafkreiahrbfuw4v4so56ikp2pxf5n253bs5pd5gq37l7nqsitkwynw56hy@jpeg)
Reposted by longest rowan
Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
January 23, 2026 at 3:46 PM
Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish.
2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.
Reposted by longest rowan
tony dokoupil (dressed as a yellow pikmin and strapped to a chair while a series of images flashes before him on tv): dead battery. soda can. pickle jar
me: welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill!
tony: not how it's pronounced
me (zapping him with a taser): olimar angy
tony: chap stick
me: welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill!
tony: not how it's pronounced
me (zapping him with a taser): olimar angy
tony: chap stick
January 23, 2026 at 6:26 PM
tony dokoupil (dressed as a yellow pikmin and strapped to a chair while a series of images flashes before him on tv): dead battery. soda can. pickle jar
me: welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill!
tony: not how it's pronounced
me (zapping him with a taser): olimar angy
tony: chap stick
me: welcome to whiskey fridays with tony dookie pill!
tony: not how it's pronounced
me (zapping him with a taser): olimar angy
tony: chap stick
Reposted by longest rowan
Putting a chip in my head that just constantly plays Tetris so I don’t absorb any trauma by opening literally any app
January 22, 2026 at 5:07 PM
Putting a chip in my head that just constantly plays Tetris so I don’t absorb any trauma by opening literally any app
Reposted by longest rowan
like a nuclear power plant, I have a very specific spin down procedure
January 19, 2026 at 6:51 AM
like a nuclear power plant, I have a very specific spin down procedure
Reposted by longest rowan
if I see you dooming on the timeline you have to donate to the Minneapolis strike fund
"This is a verified page fundraising support for the Minneapolis Regional Labor Federation, AFL-CIO and Working Partnerships' 2026 rapid response effort to meet the needs of impacted union members, worker center members, and their families..."
workingpartnerships.betterworld.org/campaigns/su...
workingpartnerships.betterworld.org/campaigns/su...
Support Impacted Union Families! | Working Partnerships
workingpartnerships.betterworld.org
January 17, 2026 at 2:16 AM
if I see you dooming on the timeline you have to donate to the Minneapolis strike fund
Reposted by longest rowan
Reposted by longest rowan
"abolish ice" is a compromise position and the good position would get me banned from bluesky
January 14, 2026 at 6:47 PM
"abolish ice" is a compromise position and the good position would get me banned from bluesky
Reposted by longest rowan
i made a valentine's day card! orders should open up soon : ) keep an eye out @ topatoco.com/collections/...
January 14, 2026 at 9:41 PM
i made a valentine's day card! orders should open up soon : ) keep an eye out @ topatoco.com/collections/...
Reposted by longest rowan
no portfolio updates lol but here is this freak
January 13, 2026 at 2:35 PM
no portfolio updates lol but here is this freak
Reposted by longest rowan
I’ve got something to show you. Feat. @brettdomino
January 13, 2026 at 3:04 AM
I’ve got something to show you. Feat. @brettdomino
Reposted by longest rowan
It's not a Vince Gilligan show if it isn't being disrespectful of your time
January 1, 2026 at 9:48 PM
It's not a Vince Gilligan show if it isn't being disrespectful of your time
Reposted by longest rowan
Reposted by longest rowan
Many people are saying this
January 10, 2026 at 1:04 PM
Many people are saying this
Reposted by longest rowan
Posted the first 8 pages of this comic, now fully colored and lettered. I know I posted 1 - 4 before but now you can see them all.
www.patreon.com/posts/mement...
www.patreon.com/posts/mement...
January 10, 2026 at 2:06 AM
Posted the first 8 pages of this comic, now fully colored and lettered. I know I posted 1 - 4 before but now you can see them all.
www.patreon.com/posts/mement...
www.patreon.com/posts/mement...
Reposted by longest rowan
Reposted by longest rowan
I made a Cat Rapier for my werewolf friend @capsaicincoffee.bsky.social to help fend off the other wild beasts at home
January 8, 2026 at 1:15 PM
I made a Cat Rapier for my werewolf friend @capsaicincoffee.bsky.social to help fend off the other wild beasts at home
Reposted by longest rowan
Reposted by longest rowan
If you see it and it gives you intrusive thoughts play some Tetris
January 7, 2026 at 6:57 PM
If you see it and it gives you intrusive thoughts play some Tetris
Reposted by longest rowan
Don’t watch a video of someone dying.
January 7, 2026 at 6:55 PM
Don’t watch a video of someone dying.
Reposted by longest rowan
U is for Uriunceustreptus
January 7, 2026 at 4:40 AM
U is for Uriunceustreptus
Reposted by longest rowan
Starting to understand people who wear glasses and only use them sometimes. I don’t need to be seeing all this all the time
January 6, 2026 at 9:24 PM
Starting to understand people who wear glasses and only use them sometimes. I don’t need to be seeing all this all the time
Reposted by longest rowan
This wheel is to the boy squirrel the way that the football is to Charlie Brown and it still makes me laugh every time he tries to use it only to be immediately spun.
January 6, 2026 at 2:53 AM
This wheel is to the boy squirrel the way that the football is to Charlie Brown and it still makes me laugh every time he tries to use it only to be immediately spun.
Reposted by longest rowan
greetings from the intersection of clean treated water and an icy Lake Erie.
January 6, 2026 at 1:20 PM
greetings from the intersection of clean treated water and an icy Lake Erie.