T I M E S C A N N E R
@timescanner.bsky.social
TRAPPED IN A GEM OUTSIDE OF TIME
Agreed. Metroid is about solitude. The fantasy of having an entire alien planet all to yourself. It’s for people who find face-chomping jellyfish preferable to having to talk to another human.
Lol, what the actual fuck are they thinking? Who plays a Metroid game to have talkative NPC companions?
I play Metroid games to get away from talkative wankers in my real life.
I play Metroid games to get away from talkative wankers in my real life.
November 14, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Agreed. Metroid is about solitude. The fantasy of having an entire alien planet all to yourself. It’s for people who find face-chomping jellyfish preferable to having to talk to another human.
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
A sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off that takes place 40 years later. Ferris is pushing 60 and looking back on his life, full of bad decisions, schemes gone wrong, and failure. He breaks the 4th wall to directly tell the audience that if God exists, we're the butt of his cruelest joke.
November 14, 2025 at 3:08 PM
A sequel to Ferris Bueller's Day Off that takes place 40 years later. Ferris is pushing 60 and looking back on his life, full of bad decisions, schemes gone wrong, and failure. He breaks the 4th wall to directly tell the audience that if God exists, we're the butt of his cruelest joke.
a modern retelling of The Hunchback of Notre Dame called “Gotta Hunch.”
November 14, 2025 at 2:09 PM
a modern retelling of The Hunchback of Notre Dame called “Gotta Hunch.”
Pitch. The reboot of James Bond takes place in an alternate timeline where Bond accepted Blofeld’s offer to spare his life in exchange for “a delicatessen…in stainless steel.” Bond slices the roast beef thin. Many layers. He carefully spreads condiments all the way to the crust.
November 11, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Pitch. The reboot of James Bond takes place in an alternate timeline where Bond accepted Blofeld’s offer to spare his life in exchange for “a delicatessen…in stainless steel.” Bond slices the roast beef thin. Many layers. He carefully spreads condiments all the way to the crust.
“Cougar: The Mellencamp Story”
EXT. SONIC DRIVE IN - NIGHT
John sucks on a chili dog.
JOHN
Wait. I got it.
EXT. SONIC DRIVE IN - NIGHT
John sucks on a chili dog.
JOHN
Wait. I got it.
November 11, 2025 at 3:28 PM
“Cougar: The Mellencamp Story”
EXT. SONIC DRIVE IN - NIGHT
John sucks on a chili dog.
JOHN
Wait. I got it.
EXT. SONIC DRIVE IN - NIGHT
John sucks on a chili dog.
JOHN
Wait. I got it.
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
In a Sandwich-themed band my stage name would be Rick Reuben
November 6, 2025 at 8:11 PM
In a Sandwich-themed band my stage name would be Rick Reuben
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
average bluesky poster
November 5, 2025 at 2:43 PM
average bluesky poster
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
imitation crab is the sincerest form of flattery crab
November 6, 2025 at 12:22 AM
imitation crab is the sincerest form of flattery crab
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
Guys it’s easy to say Dick Cheney should’ve been prosecuted for war crimes. But you’re forgetting one thing. If we start prosecuting people for war crimes, people in the future might get scared about doing war crimes and hesitate before committing war crimes!
November 4, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Guys it’s easy to say Dick Cheney should’ve been prosecuted for war crimes. But you’re forgetting one thing. If we start prosecuting people for war crimes, people in the future might get scared about doing war crimes and hesitate before committing war crimes!
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
naming your son Podcast Guest to ensure a bountiful harvest
November 4, 2025 at 2:43 PM
naming your son Podcast Guest to ensure a bountiful harvest
The Unheimlich Maneuver
November 2, 2025 at 11:53 PM
The Unheimlich Maneuver
Miloš Forman Grill
November 2, 2025 at 11:50 PM
Miloš Forman Grill
Let some wonderfully unusual words and noises wash through your mind.
Happy Haunted Lizard Halloween. Got a new little episode up: may your spine be gnawed gently and slow today.
open.spotify.com/episode/7uyC...
open.spotify.com/episode/7uyC...
October 31, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Let some wonderfully unusual words and noises wash through your mind.
I haven’t been very interested in posting lately. I’ve been using the time I used to spend online practicing electric guitar instead. More satisfying to the soul. But I do miss my old online friends. Say hi anytime you want. I’ll reply next time I log on.
October 26, 2025 at 9:26 PM
I haven’t been very interested in posting lately. I’ve been using the time I used to spend online practicing electric guitar instead. More satisfying to the soul. But I do miss my old online friends. Say hi anytime you want. I’ll reply next time I log on.
A good time to grab my pal Quandary’s whole discography. It’s all fantastic.
my compendium album JUKEBOX BUDDHA officially turns eight tomorrow — to honor the occasion I’ve made my entire discography $0/pwyw. thank you to everyone for listened to my music & supported me over the years!
quandary.bandcamp.com
quandary.bandcamp.com
Dr. Quandary
Kyle Tierce ✧ he/they
beatmaker / music upcycler / soundtrack counterfeiter
portrait illustration by Jessica Hayworth
quandary.bandcamp.com
October 26, 2025 at 9:21 PM
A good time to grab my pal Quandary’s whole discography. It’s all fantastic.
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
YES my name is 'vehicula'. NO i am not a car
October 24, 2025 at 10:04 AM
YES my name is 'vehicula'. NO i am not a car
At this moment in time, of course, the ball pit is really the rat’s main priority.
October 23, 2025 at 7:45 PM
At this moment in time, of course, the ball pit is really the rat’s main priority.
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
No thanks, I already have a Greek Chorus following me around who won't stop lamenting my eventual demise from my own hands.
MUSK, in Riyadh:
"My prediction, actually, for humanoid robots is that ultimately they will be tens of billions. I think everyone will want to have their personal robot. You can think of it like, as though you had your own personal C-3POor R2-D2. But
even better.
@cnbc.com $TSLA
"My prediction, actually, for humanoid robots is that ultimately they will be tens of billions. I think everyone will want to have their personal robot. You can think of it like, as though you had your own personal C-3POor R2-D2. But
even better.
@cnbc.com $TSLA
October 23, 2025 at 1:34 PM
No thanks, I already have a Greek Chorus following me around who won't stop lamenting my eventual demise from my own hands.
Are you kidding me? Soderbergh would direct the hell out of a Star War. That was my only chance of seeing him do silly shit with freaky alien muppets.
Adam Driver reveals he was developing a new Star Wars movie ‘THE HUNT FOR BEN SOLO’ with Steven Soderbergh
• Was set after ‘The Rise of Skywalker’
• Lucasfilm loved the idea but Disney said no — “They didn’t see how Ben Solo was alive”
(Source: apnews.com/article/adam...)
• Was set after ‘The Rise of Skywalker’
• Lucasfilm loved the idea but Disney said no — “They didn’t see how Ben Solo was alive”
(Source: apnews.com/article/adam...)
October 20, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Are you kidding me? Soderbergh would direct the hell out of a Star War. That was my only chance of seeing him do silly shit with freaky alien muppets.
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
"i love warp core breaches i wanna make out with them"
September 21, 2025 at 5:20 AM
"i love warp core breaches i wanna make out with them"
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
Showed the TSA my Hyperreal ID and they gave me backstage passes for the security theater
August 12, 2025 at 3:39 AM
Showed the TSA my Hyperreal ID and they gave me backstage passes for the security theater
Reposted by T I M E S C A N N E R
If you recycle 1000 print cartridges at Staples you unlock the flavored ink
September 16, 2025 at 6:09 AM
If you recycle 1000 print cartridges at Staples you unlock the flavored ink