@theapocryphon.bsky.social
Reposted
“Instead of sitting through a stupid test and having to attend some boring oath ceremony, you take one tablet and instantly receive all the privileges you’d have had if you’d lived here all your life,” said President Donald Trump
TrumpRx Unveils $1 Million Citizenship Pill
WASHINGTON—Touting it as the fastest and most convenient way for people from foreign countries to be a part of the American Dream, President Donald Trump announced Friday that his direct-to-consumer w...
theonion.com
February 7, 2026 at 1:00 AM
“Instead of sitting through a stupid test and having to attend some boring oath ceremony, you take one tablet and instantly receive all the privileges you’d have had if you’d lived here all your life,” said President Donald Trump
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Ian McKellen performs “The Strangers’ Case” speech from “Sir Thomas More” on Colbert.
February 5, 2026 at 1:07 PM
Ian McKellen performs “The Strangers’ Case” speech from “Sir Thomas More” on Colbert.
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Yes. More of this.
Love to see it.
Love to see it.
You walk into this bar and show your ICE mugshot, you don't pay a dime.
Scrolling through the photos of Pam Bondi's "Minnesota rioters," it's just hero after hero. Every photo includes a cowardly DHS agent with their back to the camera.
Bondi thinks she's going to win the propaganda war with this shit, but it's never been more clear that they're losing.
Bondi thinks she's going to win the propaganda war with this shit, but it's never been more clear that they're losing.
January 29, 2026 at 12:38 AM
Yes. More of this.
Love to see it.
Love to see it.
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Fuck off you sullen Gestapo garden gnome
Bovino: "When politicians, community leaders, & some journalists engage in that heated rhetoric we keep talking about, when they make the choice to vilify law enforcement calling law enforcement 'Gestapo' or using the term 'kidnapping,' that is a choice & there are actions & consequences."
January 25, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Fuck off you sullen Gestapo garden gnome
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Even when there’s no accountability, the record matters. Credit to the Wikipedia editors maintaining this page.
Deaths, detentions and deportations of American citizens in the second Trump administration - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
January 25, 2026 at 3:09 AM
Even when there’s no accountability, the record matters. Credit to the Wikipedia editors maintaining this page.
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This is such an important point. This family tried to follow the rules.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
People are missing a big thing about the saga of the detained 5-year-old. When Vance calls the father an "illegal alien" it seems to reflect a little-known Trump admin move that attempts to nullify asylum claims before they are even heard.
This policy is a horror:
newrepublic.com/article/2056...
This policy is a horror:
newrepublic.com/article/2056...
January 23, 2026 at 6:29 PM
This is such an important point. This family tried to follow the rules.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
The distinction is going to get more important when they start mass deporting the people whose TPS status Trump revoked. They’ll call them “illegal” too, even though they were here legally until Trump yanked the rug.
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This has been a completely random 45 minutes of slushy mumbling. If this were any other president, networks would be cutting *in* and covering this with doctors and experts trying to explain what they're seeing.
January 20, 2026 at 7:35 PM
This has been a completely random 45 minutes of slushy mumbling. If this were any other president, networks would be cutting *in* and covering this with doctors and experts trying to explain what they're seeing.
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Fight and help win a world war.
Establish a global order that cements your national power for 80 years.
Blow it all up.
What am I missing?
Establish a global order that cements your national power for 80 years.
Blow it all up.
What am I missing?
January 18, 2026 at 3:50 PM
Fight and help win a world war.
Establish a global order that cements your national power for 80 years.
Blow it all up.
What am I missing?
Establish a global order that cements your national power for 80 years.
Blow it all up.
What am I missing?
Reposted
maybe the 6 month old they tear gassed was driving right at them, maybe think about that before you pass judgement
January 15, 2026 at 12:31 PM
maybe the 6 month old they tear gassed was driving right at them, maybe think about that before you pass judgement
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Political cartoonists are not fuckin’ around this week. (thread)
1. Pat Bagley
1. Pat Bagley
January 9, 2026 at 1:35 PM
Political cartoonists are not fuckin’ around this week. (thread)
1. Pat Bagley
1. Pat Bagley
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Martin Peterson's creative response to being banned from teaching Plato (shared with his permission).
January 8, 2026 at 5:38 PM
Martin Peterson's creative response to being banned from teaching Plato (shared with his permission).
Reposted
I don't know who needs to hear this, but cops are not allowed to shoot people just because you didn't do what they said.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
January 8, 2026 at 5:35 AM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but cops are not allowed to shoot people just because you didn't do what they said.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
That is called murder when they do that.
Some cops are working hard to convince people otherwise.
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A 6-year-old just lost his mother. A woman was shot in the face in front of her wife.
The swift, lockstep attempt to dehumanize and villainize Renee Nicole Good might be the most depraved thing we've seen yet from these ghouls and their supporters. These people are utterly fucking dead inside.
The swift, lockstep attempt to dehumanize and villainize Renee Nicole Good might be the most depraved thing we've seen yet from these ghouls and their supporters. These people are utterly fucking dead inside.
Noem: "People need to stop using their vehicles as weapons ... it's clear that it's being coordinated. People are being trained"
January 8, 2026 at 12:22 AM
A 6-year-old just lost his mother. A woman was shot in the face in front of her wife.
The swift, lockstep attempt to dehumanize and villainize Renee Nicole Good might be the most depraved thing we've seen yet from these ghouls and their supporters. These people are utterly fucking dead inside.
The swift, lockstep attempt to dehumanize and villainize Renee Nicole Good might be the most depraved thing we've seen yet from these ghouls and their supporters. These people are utterly fucking dead inside.
Reposted
On the fifth anniversary of January 6, President Trump will lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Fake Elector.
January 5, 2026 at 7:26 PM
On the fifth anniversary of January 6, President Trump will lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Fake Elector.
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amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders
January 5, 2026 at 6:50 AM
amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders
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Perfect Drug Smuggler Choice
#bloomcounty #billthecat #opus #goodmorning #comics #oliver #outland #SteveDallas #Hegsworth #tairrifs
#bloomcounty #billthecat #opus #goodmorning #comics #oliver #outland #SteveDallas #Hegsworth #tairrifs
January 4, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Perfect Drug Smuggler Choice
#bloomcounty #billthecat #opus #goodmorning #comics #oliver #outland #SteveDallas #Hegsworth #tairrifs
#bloomcounty #billthecat #opus #goodmorning #comics #oliver #outland #SteveDallas #Hegsworth #tairrifs
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I'm still just trying to figure out what to do with all the free time I have now that I don't have to constantly apologize for being white anymore.
January 2, 2026 at 10:52 PM
I'm still just trying to figure out what to do with all the free time I have now that I don't have to constantly apologize for being white anymore.
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I'm going to solve the problem of induction with cryptocurrency
God bless you, Mr. Mayor. 🫡
January 1, 2026 at 11:11 PM
I'm going to solve the problem of induction with cryptocurrency
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Watching a ball drop is exciting enough. but when it becomes a whole new year at the same time it's insane
January 1, 2026 at 1:31 AM
Watching a ball drop is exciting enough. but when it becomes a whole new year at the same time it's insane
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It is crazy that the president can sue anyone while he is president by the way. There is always incentive to settle if he is office and it always effectively a bribe. Congress needs to eliminate that possibility
December 23, 2025 at 11:07 PM
It is crazy that the president can sue anyone while he is president by the way. There is always incentive to settle if he is office and it always effectively a bribe. Congress needs to eliminate that possibility
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Imagine interviewing a victim of torture and independently confirming the details of his torture and then being told you can’t broadcast it because the people who ordered the torture wouldn’t give their side of the story.
The full spiked 60 Minutes CECOT package, clean & subtitled. 1/5
December 23, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Imagine interviewing a victim of torture and independently confirming the details of his torture and then being told you can’t broadcast it because the people who ordered the torture wouldn’t give their side of the story.
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Dear Media,
When JD Vance says "take the country back," what do you think he means? What would the party that controls the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court, and various state goats—plus leading businesses, media orgs, and more—take back? Take what from whom?
Thanks,
Anti-bigotry Americans
When JD Vance says "take the country back," what do you think he means? What would the party that controls the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court, and various state goats—plus leading businesses, media orgs, and more—take back? Take what from whom?
Thanks,
Anti-bigotry Americans
December 22, 2025 at 4:25 PM
Dear Media,
When JD Vance says "take the country back," what do you think he means? What would the party that controls the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court, and various state goats—plus leading businesses, media orgs, and more—take back? Take what from whom?
Thanks,
Anti-bigotry Americans
When JD Vance says "take the country back," what do you think he means? What would the party that controls the White House, Congress, the Supreme Court, and various state goats—plus leading businesses, media orgs, and more—take back? Take what from whom?
Thanks,
Anti-bigotry Americans
Reposted
this is the greatest feeling, when the cord box proves its utility to a family member
December 20, 2025 at 6:35 AM
this is the greatest feeling, when the cord box proves its utility to a family member
Reposted
the donald j trump united nations general assembly
December 19, 2025 at 4:38 PM
the donald j trump united nations general assembly
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Serious question: Why can't he rename the city of Washington? Who could stop him?
NEWS: They're adding Trump's name to the Kennedy Center building right now. www.washingtonpost.com/entertainmen...
Kennedy Center adds Trump’s name to building
The signage change follows a vote by the board of trustees to rename the performing arts complex the Trump Kennedy Center.
www.washingtonpost.com
December 19, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Serious question: Why can't he rename the city of Washington? Who could stop him?