Brenton
@thatbrentonguy.bsky.social
diligently bioaccumulating microplastics
Pinned
Brenton
@thatbrentonguy.bsky.social
· Mar 17
SO many killer sentences in today's Brenton Woodward story, hard to excerpt!!
"The Mad Max times are coming...and what better war machine to haul your squad of bondage-gear-laden besties to the Thunderdome than a vintage muscle car with a truck bed?"
https://www.havehashad.com/uibdu
"The Mad Max times are coming...and what better war machine to haul your squad of bondage-gear-laden besties to the Thunderdome than a vintage muscle car with a truck bed?"
https://www.havehashad.com/uibdu
There is an El-Camino-Shaped Hole in My Dopamine Receptors by Brenton Woodward
I’ve been getting serious about buying an El Camino lately. It’s stupid for so many reasons: I don’t have the money, or the space, or the mechanical aptitude. But microdosing Christmas morning by…
www.havehashad.com
I have been skulled!
Absolutely honored to be in the HAD gang with my little doomer rant. El Camino owners hit me up (rust-free, manual transmission, 1964-72 models preferred)
Absolutely honored to be in the HAD gang with my little doomer rant. El Camino owners hit me up (rust-free, manual transmission, 1964-72 models preferred)
Reposted by Brenton
No Longer at This Address is out today! Buy it from your local bookstore, or directly from @upittpress.bsky.social press. I truly loved writing this book, and I hope you enjoy reading it.
October 24, 2025 at 4:26 AM
No Longer at This Address is out today! Buy it from your local bookstore, or directly from @upittpress.bsky.social press. I truly loved writing this book, and I hope you enjoy reading it.
Why are eye doctors the most humorless of the medical practitioners? After a glaucoma screening I asked if there are any risk-increasing things I should avoid, she said "steroids." I (schlubby, visibly gym-averse) replied "damn, there goes my favorite hobby" and she just stared at me
Eye doctor: Are you wearing contacts?
Me: Oh yes. I don’t want to brag, but I am *very* myopic.
Eye doctor: That’s actually not something to brag about. That means you don’t see very well.
Me: :/
Me: Oh yes. I don’t want to brag, but I am *very* myopic.
Eye doctor: That’s actually not something to brag about. That means you don’t see very well.
Me: :/
October 21, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Why are eye doctors the most humorless of the medical practitioners? After a glaucoma screening I asked if there are any risk-increasing things I should avoid, she said "steroids." I (schlubby, visibly gym-averse) replied "damn, there goes my favorite hobby" and she just stared at me
Reposted by Brenton
In my culture it is extremely disrespectful to subject another person to AI-generated art or language.
September 18, 2025 at 5:41 PM
In my culture it is extremely disrespectful to subject another person to AI-generated art or language.
Reposted by Brenton
Me putting on my enormous sun hat: Do I look ridiculous? Very well then I look ridiculous. I am large, I contain multitudes (of pre-cancerous skin cells)
May 12, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Me putting on my enormous sun hat: Do I look ridiculous? Very well then I look ridiculous. I am large, I contain multitudes (of pre-cancerous skin cells)
Reposted by Brenton
Just make it exist first. You can make it worse with each new pass while getting increasingly frustrated later.
August 15, 2025 at 6:53 PM
Just make it exist first. You can make it worse with each new pass while getting increasingly frustrated later.
Reposted by Brenton
I am sincere when I say when lockdown happened and everyone decided to Go Onto Computer the majority of people didn’t have internet brainworm antibodies and now they’re the greatest marks known to man
that a bunch of billionaires have been irreversibly brainwormed by getting addicted to a glorified chat room adds credence to my theory that spending too much time on IRC as a child acts as a powerful inoculant to the worst impulses of an escalatory group dynamic
July 8, 2025 at 10:14 PM
I am sincere when I say when lockdown happened and everyone decided to Go Onto Computer the majority of people didn’t have internet brainworm antibodies and now they’re the greatest marks known to man
Reposted by Brenton
on the verge of another forever war but i’m still writing about the last one. how embarrassing! anyway, here’s my latest in @havehashad.com
June 24, 2025 at 1:01 PM
on the verge of another forever war but i’m still writing about the last one. how embarrassing! anyway, here’s my latest in @havehashad.com
Resorting to ragebait isn't a *new* tactic for fading lit mags but it's not generally a successful one either
June 21, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Resorting to ragebait isn't a *new* tactic for fading lit mags but it's not generally a successful one either
Reposted by Brenton
Oh my God!? We've been added to the Library of Congress. A literary magazine that I make for fun in my basement as my midlife crisis has been added to the historical record, called the uh, ahem, Taco Bell Quarterly. We are the most prestigious literary magazine of all time.
June 16, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Oh my God!? We've been added to the Library of Congress. A literary magazine that I make for fun in my basement as my midlife crisis has been added to the historical record, called the uh, ahem, Taco Bell Quarterly. We are the most prestigious literary magazine of all time.
Reposted by Brenton
i've tried to explain life in ohio to dozens of new englanders and the thing that repulses them the most, more than any other aspect, is Cincinnati Chili. and they're right
June 4, 2025 at 7:14 PM
i've tried to explain life in ohio to dozens of new englanders and the thing that repulses them the most, more than any other aspect, is Cincinnati Chili. and they're right
New Tim Robinson character just dropped
today's story by Dan Weaver @supernaturalfeat.com is called 'My Name is Jim Parcheesi Owner of Jim Parcheesi's and I've Worn the Same Pair of Socks for 45 Years So Sue Me'
i love this funny story !! i love extended monologues & i love socks. we all love Jim Parcheesi
xraylitmag.com/my-name-is-j...
i love this funny story !! i love extended monologues & i love socks. we all love Jim Parcheesi
xraylitmag.com/my-name-is-j...
MY NAME IS JIM PARCHEESI OWNER OF JIM PARCHEESI'S AND I'VE WORN THE SAME PAIR OF SOCKS FOR 45 YEARS SO SUE ME by Dan Weaver
You’re gonna come in here into my place and tell me to change my socks you’re gonna tell me that? Get out of here with that horseshit. This is my place and these are my socks and I’m not changing them...
xraylitmag.com
June 2, 2025 at 4:04 PM
New Tim Robinson character just dropped
Reposted by Brenton
Picked up a hitchhiker by the cemetery. When I dropped her off at her house - she disappeared! Her mom came out & said that on the anniversary of her death, Lisa always “comes home.” Yipes! I returned to the cemetery the next year and told Lisa about taxi-hailing apps. It’s not safe to hitchhike!
May 24, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Picked up a hitchhiker by the cemetery. When I dropped her off at her house - she disappeared! Her mom came out & said that on the anniversary of her death, Lisa always “comes home.” Yipes! I returned to the cemetery the next year and told Lisa about taxi-hailing apps. It’s not safe to hitchhike!
I believe this is called "saying the quiet part out loud"
I’m just gonna name names because this is so odious.
This is for BALLERINA. I don’t work for @lionsgate.com and if you don’t want me to share my opinions unless they’re beneficial to your movie, disinvite me from your screening.
This is for BALLERINA. I don’t work for @lionsgate.com and if you don’t want me to share my opinions unless they’re beneficial to your movie, disinvite me from your screening.
May 22, 2025 at 5:43 PM
I believe this is called "saying the quiet part out loud"
Reposted by Brenton
PSA: If one ever needs to see/share a link from twitter, use xcancel.com , in short type 'cancel' after the X in any link and it will display a mirror of the tweet, not giving it any clicks or other traffic.
ie clicking xcancel.com/elonmusk does not contribute to views or advertiser stats
ie clicking xcancel.com/elonmusk does not contribute to views or advertiser stats
X Cancelled
xcancel.com
November 6, 2024 at 9:10 PM
PSA: If one ever needs to see/share a link from twitter, use xcancel.com , in short type 'cancel' after the X in any link and it will display a mirror of the tweet, not giving it any clicks or other traffic.
ie clicking xcancel.com/elonmusk does not contribute to views or advertiser stats
ie clicking xcancel.com/elonmusk does not contribute to views or advertiser stats
Reposted by Brenton
I'm doing some research for an upcoming story and from what I can tell there are only 7 "full-time staff" book critics working in the United States today.
May 14, 2025 at 5:00 PM
I'm doing some research for an upcoming story and from what I can tell there are only 7 "full-time staff" book critics working in the United States today.
Me putting on my enormous sun hat: Do I look ridiculous? Very well then I look ridiculous. I am large, I contain multitudes (of pre-cancerous skin cells)
May 12, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Me putting on my enormous sun hat: Do I look ridiculous? Very well then I look ridiculous. I am large, I contain multitudes (of pre-cancerous skin cells)
Reposted by Brenton
the only thing i miss about living in the midwest is the food. no one else can do it like this
May 4, 2025 at 6:35 PM
the only thing i miss about living in the midwest is the food. no one else can do it like this
Reposted by Brenton
Bad Mouth words and music, Spring Winds edition, this Saturday, May 10th!
May 4, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Bad Mouth words and music, Spring Winds edition, this Saturday, May 10th!
Reposted by Brenton
Polygon was one of the last remaining publications that supported investigative journalism about the video game industry.
When private equity shutters these for quick cash, abusive executives cheer because they can operate more freely in the dark.
When private equity shutters these for quick cash, abusive executives cheer because they can operate more freely in the dark.
May 2, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Polygon was one of the last remaining publications that supported investigative journalism about the video game industry.
When private equity shutters these for quick cash, abusive executives cheer because they can operate more freely in the dark.
When private equity shutters these for quick cash, abusive executives cheer because they can operate more freely in the dark.
Reposted by Brenton
you’ve got to be careful not to confuse being yelled at a lot for progress
April 22, 2025 at 2:42 PM
you’ve got to be careful not to confuse being yelled at a lot for progress
Reposted by Brenton
My fiancé and I are raising money so that we can, eventually, leave the US. If you want to send money to a gay trans couple trying to get out: www.gofundme.com/f/support-na...
Donate to Support Nate and Axel's Journey Abroad, organized by Axel Kolcow
We are Nate and Axel, a gay trans couple planning to leave and visit family abroad … Axel Kolcow needs your support for Support Nate and Axel's Journey Abroad
www.gofundme.com
April 19, 2025 at 3:33 PM
My fiancé and I are raising money so that we can, eventually, leave the US. If you want to send money to a gay trans couple trying to get out: www.gofundme.com/f/support-na...
"Why aren't you writing"
April 17, 2025 at 5:14 PM
"Why aren't you writing"
I don't know this guy but goddamn. Extremely validating and terrifying to see the inside of your brain reflected back at you from a stranger's essay
It never feels good sending money to the government but it has never felt as bad as it does today. I know I have paid to produce so much suffering I’m not an idiot but there was always a plausible deniability baked in. Like how they put blanks in one of the firing squad rifles.
I felt briefly like I was a part of something potentially good
It never feels good per se sending off money to the federal government around this time of year but it has never felt as bad as it does today. I know I have paid to produce so much suffering my entire...
www.welcometohellworld.com
April 15, 2025 at 10:13 PM
I don't know this guy but goddamn. Extremely validating and terrifying to see the inside of your brain reflected back at you from a stranger's essay