drewtoothpaste
@drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
author of Toothpaste For Dinner, Married To The Sea, @dasharez0ne.bsky.social etc.
my podcast with @nataliedee.bsky.social: https://patreon.com/garbagebrainuniversity
my shirts: dashare.zone / drewtoothpaste.com
vocals for HELL ORBS: dendycrew.com
my podcast with @nataliedee.bsky.social: https://patreon.com/garbagebrainuniversity
my shirts: dashare.zone / drewtoothpaste.com
vocals for HELL ORBS: dendycrew.com
Pinned
how we envisioned the dark future: you wear leather and buy brain stims from a small store in an alley. your wrist computer helps you hack
actual dark future: your $89 pants rip after 8 wears. adderall shortage. your wrist computer makes you stand up hourly and buzzes with email from your boss
actual dark future: your $89 pants rip after 8 wears. adderall shortage. your wrist computer makes you stand up hourly and buzzes with email from your boss
one of the funniest things that happens on earth is when you meet your friend's brother and he looks like your friend if they sold your friend in canada
February 10, 2026 at 4:18 AM
one of the funniest things that happens on earth is when you meet your friend's brother and he looks like your friend if they sold your friend in canada
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay
February 10, 2026 at 2:51 AM
always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
is everything a joke to you?
February 9, 2026 at 4:15 PM
is everything a joke to you?
i'm not a "They Changed The Color Of The Sun" mandela guy but they're giving us less cheezit per cheezit these days. they used to be almost square
February 8, 2026 at 10:16 PM
i'm not a "They Changed The Color Of The Sun" mandela guy but they're giving us less cheezit per cheezit these days. they used to be almost square
the most American solution possible to "kids keep getting murdered in school and the cops are too scared to go in the building and take out the murderer, so they have to call their parents for help" is to take the kids' phones away. this is in fact what is currently happening in many schools
February 7, 2026 at 8:01 PM
the most American solution possible to "kids keep getting murdered in school and the cops are too scared to go in the building and take out the murderer, so they have to call their parents for help" is to take the kids' phones away. this is in fact what is currently happening in many schools
can't believe switzerland won the first gold medal for alpine skiing. this woudl be like if we had an olympics in america and took the gold in school shooting
February 7, 2026 at 4:23 PM
can't believe switzerland won the first gold medal for alpine skiing. this woudl be like if we had an olympics in america and took the gold in school shooting
"bazooka" is Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer for people too young to have heard the original
February 7, 2026 at 1:45 AM
"bazooka" is Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer for people too young to have heard the original
@jay.bsky.team had a big product idea for you. let users pay $1.00 each to delete replies to their posts
February 6, 2026 at 11:29 PM
@jay.bsky.team had a big product idea for you. let users pay $1.00 each to delete replies to their posts
there's always that one shaman who gets a little too excited when the mantids show up. relax dude. if you wanted psychic mantid surgery you know where the cup of knowledge is
February 6, 2026 at 11:06 PM
there's always that one shaman who gets a little too excited when the mantids show up. relax dude. if you wanted psychic mantid surgery you know where the cup of knowledge is
it's hard to write an ending to a movie, so you should start with that part first, and then when people get to the ending you'll look like a genius. just in case any directors are reading this. whether it's short, long, funny, or scary, you gotta have an ending on there
February 6, 2026 at 6:11 PM
it's hard to write an ending to a movie, so you should start with that part first, and then when people get to the ending you'll look like a genius. just in case any directors are reading this. whether it's short, long, funny, or scary, you gotta have an ending on there
what is your preferred banana ripeness level? to me it's these bananas in my hand, their flesh dotted with the occasional soft patch, their skins mottled with luscious deep brown
February 6, 2026 at 6:02 PM
what is your preferred banana ripeness level? to me it's these bananas in my hand, their flesh dotted with the occasional soft patch, their skins mottled with luscious deep brown
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
You don’t understand. Cryptocurrency is the future. All it will take is everyone agreeing to this and if that doesn’t happen? Okay hold on
February 5, 2026 at 10:51 PM
You don’t understand. Cryptocurrency is the future. All it will take is everyone agreeing to this and if that doesn’t happen? Okay hold on
you should follow @catandgirl.bsky.social if you don't already, and joining her patreon www.patreon.com/catandgirl gets you hard copies of her work, which looks even better in print. i've been reading Cat And Girl for decades. it's time you start
February 5, 2026 at 6:32 PM
you should follow @catandgirl.bsky.social if you don't already, and joining her patreon www.patreon.com/catandgirl gets you hard copies of her work, which looks even better in print. i've been reading Cat And Girl for decades. it's time you start
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
if they seat a single person with back problems on the Luigi jury he's definitely going free.
February 5, 2026 at 5:52 AM
if they seat a single person with back problems on the Luigi jury he's definitely going free.
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
this is what it sounds like when i am reading the news headlines of the day
April 19, 2025 at 5:07 AM
this is what it sounds like when i am reading the news headlines of the day
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
kids these days hardly ever go knifin around, much less cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut
February 5, 2026 at 12:17 AM
kids these days hardly ever go knifin around, much less cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut
taking my stupid check to the post office to pay my stupid quarterly taxes to the stupid cabal of pedophile demons that runs the stupid country
February 4, 2026 at 6:38 PM
taking my stupid check to the post office to pay my stupid quarterly taxes to the stupid cabal of pedophile demons that runs the stupid country
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
Sure, billionaires are monstrous amoral pedophiles who look at other human beings like disposable trash, but at least they contribute absolutely nothing of value to civilization and are actively contributing to the destruction of humanity
February 4, 2026 at 5:13 PM
Sure, billionaires are monstrous amoral pedophiles who look at other human beings like disposable trash, but at least they contribute absolutely nothing of value to civilization and are actively contributing to the destruction of humanity
