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drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
drewtoothpaste
@drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
44K followers 650 following 5.4K posts
author of Toothpaste For Dinner, Married To The Sea, @dasharez0ne.bsky.social etc.

my podcast with @nataliedee.bsky.social: https://patreon.com/garbagebrainuniversity

my shirts: dashare.zone / drewtoothpaste.com

vocals for HELL ORBS: dendycrew.com
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drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste.bsky.social · Nov 30
how we envisioned the dark future: you wear leather and buy brain stims from a small store in an alley. your wrist computer helps you hack

actual dark future: your $89 pants rip after 8 wears. adderall shortage. your wrist computer makes you stand up hourly and buzzes with email from your boss
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
with all due respect (none,)
December 26, 2025 at 6:35 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
"we don't recognize this device" is something that both my bank and a group of medieval peasants say about my phone every time they encounter it
December 26, 2025 at 6:04 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
before i take to bed for the night i drink a beige serum of creatine, psyllium husk, whey, minerals, and amino acids. it has no artificial flavoring and restores my vitality for the next morning. the drink has no official name but my family calls it Father's Penalty
December 26, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
evervone in my extended family is getting a different medical implement from the movie Dead Ringers for christmas this year
December 1, 2023 at 4:37 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
i can't believe it. for christmas aphex twin sent me a version of Ventolin with the tinnitus sound removed. its so nice to listen to now
December 25, 2024 at 7:13 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
dasharez0ne.bsky.social
LET ME IN - dashare.zone ADMIN
A WOLF IN A TRIAGLE "IF YOUR COLD THEIR COLD, BRING THE WOLF INSIDE, I AM THE WOLF, LET ME PLAY YOUR STEAM DECK " - MERRY XMAS - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
December 25, 2025 at 5:01 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
welcome to hell
i don't get it... this just looks like my house it is... BUT THE BATHROOM IS CARPETED!!
December 25, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
possumacquainter.bsky.social
WANTED TO STAY UP AND SEE SANTA! WANTED TO SEE AND I SAW! JOLLIER THAN YOU THINK, DAD! JOLLIER THAN YOU THINK!
December 25, 2025 at 1:11 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
today, on Christmas Eve, i am pleased to share with you my short story which won the local paper's holiday writing contest. alt text spread across two images. i didn't choose celeste age 6's illustration to go with this, but it's perfect. may all of you have long food and a merry christmas
"It's the longest food." That's what my father always said about spaghetti, and where we lived, it was true. These days, even in the sticks, you can get foods from all corners of the globe that are as long as December nights, but back then, spaghetti was the king of long. And for my father, its length represented his dearest wish, which was to celebrate the holidays as long as possible. The day after Thanksgiving, my siblings and I would push the garbage cart up to the back door, and with ceremonial flair, our father would pull Thanksgiving leftovers one by one from the icebox. "Yams!" he'd announce, as if taking roll call in a classroom. He'd hold the dish of orange mush up for the whole family to see, and toss it through the back door into the cart with a measured arc. We didn't know how long he had done this, but as kids, we assumed it was forever, and that our father was a mystical being whose existence pre-dated time itself. "Cranberry sauce!" we'd imagine him announcing to a bewildered pack of neanderthals, right before tossing the world's first canned food out of the cave entrance at the feet of a woolly mammoth. The dishes went in order from least to most important, with the turkey being the last to go. This was always more of a heave-ho than a delicate toss, but we still never saw him miss the cart with his final chuck of the season. He'd turn back around with the word "Turkey!" having barely finished escaping his face, and grin in a way I'd only seen elsewhere on toddlers and murderers. "It's time to get long." We'd pile into the sleigh, and he would call our tiny horses' names one by one, before we dashed through late November's snow to the market. It was our tradition that each child should pick a box of spaghetti, and though we didn't have enough money for luxuries, there was never a year we couldn't pay our Long Friday pasta bill. On the way home, someone would invariably ask our father about the suddenly and suspiciously full sack of rattling boxes under the sleigh's bench seat. He'd laugh, a great, big belly laugh that we never heard in summer, and refuse to tell us. Of course, he'd gone shopping while we were distracted in the market, examining the spaghetti through the boxes' windows, trading them back and forth while the shopkeeper looked on, and attempting to weigh them in our hands with our eyes closed. Once home, we'd line up in order by age, and starting with my eldest sister, we'd open and dump our boxes of spaghetti into the iron pot my mother already had heating by the fire. Some years, with a fresh baby in the house, we'd have to wait several minutes, or sometimes even an hour for our youngest sibling to make their way to the boiling pot, finally cheering when the last box of spaghetti went in. "You're in the final stretch!" was something my mother and father would say during this time, to encourage us at dinner, as we ate bowls of ever-softening spaghetti from the family pot. To make their point, they'd take a noodle out and pull it by its ends, and the closer we were to Christmas, the further the spaghetti would stretch. This is also how Hanukkah works but with oil instead of spaghetti. Finally, on Christmas Day, we'd all run downstairs in our sock feet to sit by the tree, and watch our mother open the brand new set of ceramic servingware our father bought every year to replace the dishes and bowls he'd thrown out a month prior. She would take them into the kitchen, and the siblings would each open their Christmas present. By the time we'd each done that, our mother would have reappeared by the tree, this time holding an exquisitely wrapped and ribboned package, bearing a name tag addressed to my father. Not addressed to Mr., not addressed to Father, but his full name, the one we dare never spoke aloud, not even while alone. My father's name? Santa Claus... The Third.
December 24, 2025 at 10:08 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
solstice snow melt from the weekend. fortunately it has snowed more since then
the green mountains during a brief mid-december snow melt
December 24, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
brewera.bsky.social
That peanut worm is a little too exciting for me you got anything else?
Peanut worm and boring peanut worm
December 24, 2025 at 8:22 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
I don’t know how they do it, but you’ll find the image you’re looking for, and when you click through it sends you to Pinterest, and if you click on that, it won’t show you the image you wanted. So that’s why I asked you if you knew how to make an EMP.
December 24, 2025 at 4:19 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
if you don't think weed is a medicine go to a dispensary and look at the prices
December 24, 2025 at 12:14 AM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
the last politician who did what the people wanted was r. budd dwyer
December 23, 2025 at 9:10 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
i've been into wearing Safety Orange lately. if someone shoots you then you know it wasn't an accident, they meant it
December 23, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
amybrown.xyz
disney should go back to making movies about how it’s ok to steal from rich people
December 23, 2025 at 3:49 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
You done this before, Carl? Hell, I reckon I done this thousands of times if you count bugs and dogs. Wait, did you mean being alive or canoeing the rapids?
December 23, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Reposted by drewtoothpaste
theamitie.bsky.social
This image has influenced my aesthetic for at least 35 years
Three dogs on a boat having a party. Two are playing checkers, one is playing banjo. They’re all wearing cool party hats. It looks cool as hell.
December 23, 2025 at 2:00 AM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
oh yeah? well, i'm gonna think about this conversation for the next 3 days! how about that?!
December 22, 2025 at 4:03 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
read the alt text on this but also tell me if those haircuts are real because i can't get the haircut where they only leave the hair on top of your head
dasharez0ne.bsky.social da share z0ne @dasharez0ne.bsky.social · 4d
FUCK DA SUN LIGHT - dashare.zone ADMIN
WATCH A MOVIE YOU ALREADY SAW 118 TIME'S , BAKE COOKYS AND EAT THEM BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHACE TO COOL DOWN, SMOKE MORE WEED "LEAN INTO BEING SLEPPY ALL THE TIME" WATCH SOME SHITTY TV SHOW'S FROM YOUR YOUTH "IT LOOKS DIFFRENT NOW" THINK ABOUT IF YOU WERE YOUR CURRENT AGE AT THE TIME OF THE TV SHOW WOULD YOU HAVE WATCHED IT, WHAT IF YOU WERE TODAYS AGE IN 2004 WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE DIFFRENT, DIG OUT A COUPLE MUSH ROOMS FROM THE CABINET AND EAT THEM AND WONDER IF THERE STILL GOOD, HAVE A COUPLE MORE COOKYS NOW THAT THERE COOL, TURN OUT ALL DA LIGHTS IN YOUR PLACE AND SNEAK AROUND WITH A FLASH LIGHT "ITS BURGLAR NIGHT" , REMEBER YOU HAVENT CHECKED DA MAIL IN A WHILE AND GO OUT BARE FOOT IN THE DARK TO GET IT, DAMN THE GRASS IS CRUNCHY IS IT USALLY LIKE THIS, GUESS IM USALLY WEARING SHOES, THINK ABOUT ONE OF THOSE HAIR CUT'S WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HIT A STRONG WIND AND IT BLEW ALL THE HAIR BACK TO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD, ARE THEY REALLY DOING THAT NOW OF DAYS OR ARE BARBER'S FUCKEN WITH US, DONT REMEBER THESE SHOW'S BEING SO COLORFUL AND GOOD LOOKIN , DAMN WAIT I THINK THE SHROOM'S ARE STILL GOOD HELL YEA , AND DA TEXT SAYS "HELL YEA ITS DA SOLSTICE, SLOW DOWN, GET SAD, HELL YEAH" - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
December 21, 2025 at 11:45 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
found some wild turkeys just now
December 21, 2025 at 8:29 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
the smiths broke up because they were too hard to google and knew this would make it hard to ever get popular
December 21, 2025 at 7:40 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
the most popular movie reviews i ever wrote were in 2022, for avatar 2 and avatar 3, after they were announced but had no further details
Avatar: The Way of Water 2022 should have changed them to green or yellow for this one. Tired of the blue guys Avatar 3 2024 ★★★★ they are green in this one much better
December 21, 2025 at 5:10 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
for sale
FOR SALE: Snow plow. Works good. Should rhyme but doesn't. ALSO AVAILABLE - Enough dough - Freak steak
December 21, 2025 at 2:49 PM
drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
fuck off CJ
Appalachian Mountains Mountain in North America 4.6 3,473 Google reviews C J 3 reviews * More like hills
December 21, 2025 at 3:58 AM