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@shoeslikecanoes.bsky.social
I’m a 7.5. Maybe an 8.

42/NJ/Please Don’t DM me 😎
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I’m so hungry right now that my idea of S&M is spaghetti and meatballs.
"If it should be done, it must be done" is your Mom’s favorite sentiment about duty, justice, and playing hide the wiener.
December 5, 2025 at 7:43 PM
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The great thing about having a bad memory is that you learn new things all the time.
December 1, 2025 at 10:58 PM
“I’m so bad ass!”

-Me, getting the trash to the curb 30 seconds before the trash truck rolls by.
December 5, 2025 at 2:01 AM
The real nightmare before Christmas is me going into the attic to get decorations and getting hurt n the process.
December 4, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Alright, let’s hear it 😎
December 3, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Uno reverse cowgirl
December 1, 2025 at 3:05 AM
The 'Scared Straight' program, but it's me looking at my checking account balance.
December 1, 2025 at 3:04 AM
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The 'Scared Straight' program, except it's me stepping on the scale the day after Thanksgiving.
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Shingles doesn’t care, Charlie Brown.
November 28, 2025 at 11:25 PM
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ME: *trying to say hi to an Italian person* 𝐵𝓊𝓃 𝒿𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝒶𝓁.
November 28, 2025 at 1:34 PM
Cashes in credit card rewards just to feel something
November 26, 2025 at 2:53 PM
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Alanis Morissette:🎵 It's not fair, to deny me / Of the Cocaine Bear that you gave to me 🎶
November 18, 2025 at 1:30 PM
You have your fight or flight instincts.

I have fight or fries.
November 19, 2025 at 8:38 PM
Alexa wants to fight me
November 18, 2025 at 2:53 AM
No way this happy dude would burn down my office.
November 16, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Is there anything more annoying than waiting for a key to be made? I’ll wait.
November 10, 2025 at 1:38 AM
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I'm tired of being the bigger person. Just once, I want to be the smaller person, tiny enough to be carried around in someone's pocket, shouting petty retorts.
November 7, 2025 at 5:21 PM
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I miss the days of fearless journalism
November 7, 2025 at 5:25 PM
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Hate AI for your own reasons.

My number one reason is that it makes it more confusing and difficult to refer to Allen Iverson.
November 7, 2025 at 12:03 AM
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whistle while you wank
November 6, 2025 at 12:40 AM
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November 5, 2025 at 2:51 PM
I should have known your mom was the Reddit user ‘relentless slut.’
November 4, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Happy All Holes Day to those who celebrate.
November 1, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Mauly Maul would be an awesome name for a bear DJ.
October 26, 2025 at 5:33 PM