Sentient Atoms
@sentientatoms.bsky.social
I was both @damnfinetweet and @michaeltrying in a former life.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efvxhhqbusjcjsqqxyffaszb/feed/aaaguuic4ll2e
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efvxhhqbusjcjsqqxyffaszb/feed/aaaguuic4ll2e
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Sentient Atoms
@sentientatoms.bsky.social
· Dec 12
What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents.
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A pot roast is when you make fun of a guy for accidentally growing roses🏆👑 Congratulations @sentientatoms.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴☠️
Everything is coming up roses. Which is usually good news but in this case I'm trying to grow pot.
June 9, 2025 at 10:36 PM
A pot roast is when you make fun of a guy for accidentally growing roses🏆👑 Congratulations @sentientatoms.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴☠️
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12/31/24 is last day any Boomer turns 60.
December 31, 2024 at 2:17 PM
12/31/24 is last day any Boomer turns 60.
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Pickett would be a good last name for a defensive player who gets a lot of interceptions.
December 29, 2024 at 7:36 PM
Pickett would be a good last name for a defensive player who gets a lot of interceptions.
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Monocles was the Greek god of pretentious eyewear.
December 28, 2024 at 2:49 PM
Monocles was the Greek god of pretentious eyewear.
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MY GRANDMA: The doctor says I'm standard.
ME: That's not what STD is short for Grandma.
ME: That's not what STD is short for Grandma.
December 28, 2024 at 1:52 AM
MY GRANDMA: The doctor says I'm standard.
ME: That's not what STD is short for Grandma.
ME: That's not what STD is short for Grandma.
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[teaching my kid to be an independent thinker] Google it yourself son
December 27, 2024 at 8:13 PM
[teaching my kid to be an independent thinker] Google it yourself son
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My wife suggested we get a joint Amazon account so I said 'we can be partners in Prime' lol and then my son called the cops.
December 27, 2024 at 12:18 PM
My wife suggested we get a joint Amazon account so I said 'we can be partners in Prime' lol and then my son called the cops.
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If Die Hard is a Christmas movie, then Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a Die Hard movie.
December 26, 2024 at 8:07 PM
If Die Hard is a Christmas movie, then Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a Die Hard movie.
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If I had a time machine, I’d go back and try to convince Roald Dahl to put ‘When he was younger, Charlie Bucket was a little pail’ into his book.
December 26, 2024 at 1:55 PM
If I had a time machine, I’d go back and try to convince Roald Dahl to put ‘When he was younger, Charlie Bucket was a little pail’ into his book.
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Today's menu choices are:
A turkey sandwich
A sandwich of turkey
Turkey on a bed of butter between two slices of bread
Two slices of bread, delicately separated by turkey.
A turkey sandwich
A sandwich of turkey
Turkey on a bed of butter between two slices of bread
Two slices of bread, delicately separated by turkey.
December 26, 2024 at 11:25 AM
Today's menu choices are:
A turkey sandwich
A sandwich of turkey
Turkey on a bed of butter between two slices of bread
Two slices of bread, delicately separated by turkey.
A turkey sandwich
A sandwich of turkey
Turkey on a bed of butter between two slices of bread
Two slices of bread, delicately separated by turkey.
Reposted by Sentient Atoms
[Watching Die Hard with my new girlfriend]
ME: *leans in* In Germany they call it 'The Hard'.
HER: Get out.
ME: *leans in* In Germany they call it 'The Hard'.
HER: Get out.
December 25, 2024 at 9:29 PM
[Watching Die Hard with my new girlfriend]
ME: *leans in* In Germany they call it 'The Hard'.
HER: Get out.
ME: *leans in* In Germany they call it 'The Hard'.
HER: Get out.
Reposted by Sentient Atoms
I’m convinced no one actually has a place to wear any of the fancy sparkly outfits that fashion brands promote for New Year’s Eve and it’s all just a lie being pushed by Big Sequin
December 31, 2024 at 2:06 PM
I’m convinced no one actually has a place to wear any of the fancy sparkly outfits that fashion brands promote for New Year’s Eve and it’s all just a lie being pushed by Big Sequin
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In kindergarten, I was so shy that I used a pencil to color in an elephant rather than ask the girl next to me to borrow a grey crayon.
40 years later, and look at me now: I’d still MacGyver some shit to avoid talking to someone.
40 years later, and look at me now: I’d still MacGyver some shit to avoid talking to someone.
December 30, 2024 at 2:15 PM
In kindergarten, I was so shy that I used a pencil to color in an elephant rather than ask the girl next to me to borrow a grey crayon.
40 years later, and look at me now: I’d still MacGyver some shit to avoid talking to someone.
40 years later, and look at me now: I’d still MacGyver some shit to avoid talking to someone.
Reposted by Sentient Atoms
Someone gave my 7yo a cake pop baking kit for Christmas. So anyway, she helped mix a few ingredients for 5 minutes and then I made cake pops.
December 29, 2024 at 3:26 PM
Someone gave my 7yo a cake pop baking kit for Christmas. So anyway, she helped mix a few ingredients for 5 minutes and then I made cake pops.
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Buzzfeed quizzes be like, “Tell us your favorite candle scent and we’ll tell you how you’re going to die”
December 28, 2024 at 5:21 PM
Buzzfeed quizzes be like, “Tell us your favorite candle scent and we’ll tell you how you’re going to die”
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A pill case is like an Advent Calendar in that you open it every day until you meet Jesus
December 24, 2024 at 3:24 AM
A pill case is like an Advent Calendar in that you open it every day until you meet Jesus
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Me: Just because someone doesn’t immediately respond to your texts it doesn’t mean they hate you.
Brain: ok but ur wrong
Brain: ok but ur wrong
December 27, 2024 at 9:21 PM
Me: Just because someone doesn’t immediately respond to your texts it doesn’t mean they hate you.
Brain: ok but ur wrong
Brain: ok but ur wrong
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Who called it an abortion and not “deboning?”
December 28, 2024 at 1:53 AM
Who called it an abortion and not “deboning?”
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I combat joke thievery by exclusively telling bad jokes
December 28, 2024 at 5:57 AM
I combat joke thievery by exclusively telling bad jokes
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From now until January 6th, time and vegetables do not exist, they’re merely suggestions.
December 27, 2024 at 4:42 PM
From now until January 6th, time and vegetables do not exist, they’re merely suggestions.
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I got one of those hydroponic countertop gardens for Christmas to grow herbs, so naturally I’m growing marijuana.
December 27, 2024 at 4:45 PM
I got one of those hydroponic countertop gardens for Christmas to grow herbs, so naturally I’m growing marijuana.
Reposted by Sentient Atoms
People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.
December 2, 2024 at 11:04 AM
People who invite that creepy Elf on the Shelf into their home clearly haven’t watched enough horror movies.
I love America like I love my grandpa. She's old as fuck okay, of course she's kinda hateful and racist. Let's take a walk until she passes out from the whiskey.
December 27, 2024 at 7:35 PM
I love America like I love my grandpa. She's old as fuck okay, of course she's kinda hateful and racist. Let's take a walk until she passes out from the whiskey.