Pinned
Sam Handwich
@samhandwitch.bsky.social
· Jan 18
I’m going to use this thread to store the tweet phrases that keep banging around in my head
we are sadly seeing rising homie-cide rates in bro-american communities around the nation
January 15, 2026 at 11:39 PM
we are sadly seeing rising homie-cide rates in bro-american communities around the nation
have the democrats considered making laws against crime? i think that would clear everything up
January 14, 2026 at 5:58 PM
have the democrats considered making laws against crime? i think that would clear everything up
ICE agent hiding his QR code behind another QR code that links to goatse
I am introducing the Quick Recognition (QR) Act, which requires ICE and CBP officers to wear uniforms featuring QR codes. When scanned, the code would generate a digital ID displaying the officer’s name, badge number, and law enforcement agency.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
ICE should be unmasked both physically and digitally.
January 14, 2026 at 5:57 PM
ICE agent hiding his QR code behind another QR code that links to goatse
Reposted by Sam Handwich
Friendly reminder that we call eggplant eggplant because the "normal" eggplant used to look like this
January 12, 2026 at 5:42 AM
Friendly reminder that we call eggplant eggplant because the "normal" eggplant used to look like this
man will you just shut up until you actually have something to say
It’s not even so much about “sane” vs. “insane” anymore, as it so often was circa 2020. The fundamental split today is between the *decent* and the *indecent.* It is monstrous to desire, excuse, sanitize, whitewash avoidable killing even of one’s perceived foes.
January 10, 2026 at 7:03 PM
man will you just shut up until you actually have something to say
opened up a new jar of peanut butter and had briefly had the same feeling as snowboarding in fresh powder
January 9, 2026 at 2:10 AM
opened up a new jar of peanut butter and had briefly had the same feeling as snowboarding in fresh powder
I was thinking how cis/trans are chemistry-adjacent terms for human sexuality. But can we take it further, with particle physics? Top/bottom quarks… quarks are always in composite particles like protons (polycules)… gluons hold things together (unicorns?)… work in progress
January 6, 2026 at 12:51 AM
I was thinking how cis/trans are chemistry-adjacent terms for human sexuality. But can we take it further, with particle physics? Top/bottom quarks… quarks are always in composite particles like protons (polycules)… gluons hold things together (unicorns?)… work in progress
i need to hear what Werner Herzog thinks about KPop Demon Hunters
December 31, 2025 at 1:49 PM
i need to hear what Werner Herzog thinks about KPop Demon Hunters
Did anyone ever see Isiah Whitlock and the Monkey Christ Lady in the same room? Sus
December 30, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Did anyone ever see Isiah Whitlock and the Monkey Christ Lady in the same room? Sus
Hitler committed genocide the Right Way
I’ve seen a bunch of responses to the Draper profile of MTG complaining about her pushing ahead a bill that restricts gender-affirming care for minors. This is a misunderstanding of what she’s doing. www.thebulwark.com/p/why-marjor...
Why Marjorie Taylor Greene Gives Me Hope
People don’t change—but they can remember who they are.
www.thebulwark.com
December 30, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Hitler committed genocide the Right Way
hunnggghhh these buldak ramen noodles are actually really spicy, got damn
December 29, 2025 at 4:16 PM
hunnggghhh these buldak ramen noodles are actually really spicy, got damn
Reposted by Sam Handwich
Merry Christmas, friends
December 25, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Merry Christmas, friends
they should remake White Chicks but race and gender swapped
December 24, 2025 at 12:44 AM
they should remake White Chicks but race and gender swapped
Reposted by Sam Handwich
the skin is the largest organ? yeah maybe for you, mr. babydick
December 14, 2025 at 2:13 AM
the skin is the largest organ? yeah maybe for you, mr. babydick
Reposted by Sam Handwich
🎶 up on the housetop click click click
taking ten inches of santa’s dick 🎶
taking ten inches of santa’s dick 🎶
December 7, 2025 at 8:49 PM
🎶 up on the housetop click click click
taking ten inches of santa’s dick 🎶
taking ten inches of santa’s dick 🎶
Reposted by Sam Handwich
Me realizing the first newsworthy TPUSA story post-Kirk is a woman with the last name fullnecky
December 1, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Me realizing the first newsworthy TPUSA story post-Kirk is a woman with the last name fullnecky
How odd that this list does not include Bezos 🤔
The top 20 billionaires influencing American politics
The group has spent nearly $5 billion on elections since 2015.
wapo.st
December 4, 2025 at 5:18 PM
How odd that this list does not include Bezos 🤔
dude if the Spice Melange was real i would snorting the fuck out of it. give me the blue eyes
December 4, 2025 at 12:05 AM
dude if the Spice Melange was real i would snorting the fuck out of it. give me the blue eyes
haven’t yet seen any human centipede jokes about “end-to-end encrypted”
"Kohler can access data and pictures from toilet camera"
It's amazing what passes for a totally normal sentence in 2025
It's amazing what passes for a totally normal sentence in 2025
Kohler Can Access Data and Pictures from Toilet Camera It Describes as “End-to-End Encrypted” - /var/log/simon
Claimed end-to-end privacy doesn’t fully conceal your rear-end data
varlogsimon.leaflet.pub
December 3, 2025 at 11:29 PM
haven’t yet seen any human centipede jokes about “end-to-end encrypted”
jar jar voice: alina habba big problem
December 2, 2025 at 12:07 AM
jar jar voice: alina habba big problem
high floor, no cheating
November 30, 2025 at 9:20 PM
high floor, no cheating