Michelle
@michellewiley.bsky.social
Everything I say is sarcastic except for the stuff that's not
Auckland based comedian
Auckland based comedian
Reposted by Michelle
Jack Antonoff: and I guess that's how we sorta landed on the bedroom pop feel of Midnights
Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]
Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]
August 26, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Jack Antonoff: and I guess that's how we sorta landed on the bedroom pop feel of Midnights
Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]
Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]
Don't know if I've heard a worse answer to a question than in the Internet NZ AGM
July 31, 2025 at 7:16 AM
Don't know if I've heard a worse answer to a question than in the Internet NZ AGM
this internet NZ AGM is taking so long to do online that i think we should do away with the internet in NZ altogether
July 31, 2025 at 5:57 AM
this internet NZ AGM is taking so long to do online that i think we should do away with the internet in NZ altogether
Nothing more apt for the times than the "New World" being on fire
June 17, 2025 at 4:22 AM
Nothing more apt for the times than the "New World" being on fire
Pope Francis was elected pope in 2013, the year Lorde released her first album.
Pope Leo was elected pope in 2025, the year Lorde released her fourth album.
Sure, the Lord works. But the Lorde works harder
Pope Leo was elected pope in 2025, the year Lorde released her fourth album.
Sure, the Lord works. But the Lorde works harder
May 8, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Pope Francis was elected pope in 2013, the year Lorde released her first album.
Pope Leo was elected pope in 2025, the year Lorde released her fourth album.
Sure, the Lord works. But the Lorde works harder
Pope Leo was elected pope in 2025, the year Lorde released her fourth album.
Sure, the Lord works. But the Lorde works harder
Reposted by Michelle
When I saw this. Wow 😮
April 6, 2025 at 4:14 AM
When I saw this. Wow 😮
Reposted by Michelle
Alex Ovechkin scores career goal #895 setting the NHL record, the entire bench clears to celebrate
April 6, 2025 at 5:51 PM
Alex Ovechkin scores career goal #895 setting the NHL record, the entire bench clears to celebrate
I don't believe any of the millennial-renaissance discourse. They don't truly love us, they've just decided that skinny jeans were kinda cute to be contrarian. The tide will turn and Gen Z and Alpha will hate us again soon. Don't fall for it
March 9, 2025 at 9:20 PM
I don't believe any of the millennial-renaissance discourse. They don't truly love us, they've just decided that skinny jeans were kinda cute to be contrarian. The tide will turn and Gen Z and Alpha will hate us again soon. Don't fall for it
meetings have to be two hours long because you spend the first hour pointing out that all the additions that people want to make have already been written in
February 25, 2025 at 6:53 AM
meetings have to be two hours long because you spend the first hour pointing out that all the additions that people want to make have already been written in
What if the tree doesn't fall in the forest when it knows no one will hear it because it WANTS to be HEARD did you ever think about that??
February 20, 2025 at 12:14 AM
What if the tree doesn't fall in the forest when it knows no one will hear it because it WANTS to be HEARD did you ever think about that??
Someone found a van gogh in their garage which is almost exactly where I’d expect a going van to be.
February 4, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Someone found a van gogh in their garage which is almost exactly where I’d expect a going van to be.
Two new zealand kids escaped a kindergarten this week, after a door was left open by a teacher. People say thats bad but I think its wise to be teaching kiwis how to leave from such a young age.
February 2, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Two new zealand kids escaped a kindergarten this week, after a door was left open by a teacher. People say thats bad but I think its wise to be teaching kiwis how to leave from such a young age.
Reposted by Michelle
ME: *writing in my journal with the sole aim of pissing off future historians and archaeologists* I returned to my home - which is built in the usual style - by the normal way, and prepared and ate dinner in the way I often but not always do
January 27, 2025 at 2:00 PM
ME: *writing in my journal with the sole aim of pissing off future historians and archaeologists* I returned to my home - which is built in the usual style - by the normal way, and prepared and ate dinner in the way I often but not always do
Reposted by Michelle
there are two types of male groupchats. they either have a name like “BONER BOYS RES[ERECT]ED: HORNY 4 LIFE, 2 CAKED UP 2 DIE” but everyone’s just encouraging each other on breakups and to try therapy. the other will be named something like “gary chat” and filled with domestic terrorists
January 10, 2025 at 6:14 PM
there are two types of male groupchats. they either have a name like “BONER BOYS RES[ERECT]ED: HORNY 4 LIFE, 2 CAKED UP 2 DIE” but everyone’s just encouraging each other on breakups and to try therapy. the other will be named something like “gary chat” and filled with domestic terrorists
Reposted by Michelle
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
December 17, 2024 at 11:08 PM
[playing poker]
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
FRIEND: I’m all in
ME: [yearning for this type of commitment since we first met] me too, man, I’m all in too
FRIEND: um, a pair of kings
ME: you bet we are
Reposted by Michelle
Not sure anything I’ve done professionally, as much as I wish it were, has been as important as the Cat Political Compass I just created
December 14, 2024 at 3:34 AM
Not sure anything I’ve done professionally, as much as I wish it were, has been as important as the Cat Political Compass I just created
Reposted by Michelle
Reposted by Michelle
Working on the final newsletter and script of the year
December 6, 2024 at 9:52 PM
Working on the final newsletter and script of the year
cannot tell you how happy it makes me that spotify wrapped sucked this year. and THEN to find out that it was because they fired the HUMAN that made the ALGORITHM so good? *chefs kiss*
computers are still dumb as fuck i'm still smarter than them
computers are still dumb as fuck i'm still smarter than them
December 6, 2024 at 7:34 AM
cannot tell you how happy it makes me that spotify wrapped sucked this year. and THEN to find out that it was because they fired the HUMAN that made the ALGORITHM so good? *chefs kiss*
computers are still dumb as fuck i'm still smarter than them
computers are still dumb as fuck i'm still smarter than them
death threats are okay as long as they're written like "we're increasing the cost of your insulin" or "we're privatising the health sector"
December 5, 2024 at 8:24 PM
death threats are okay as long as they're written like "we're increasing the cost of your insulin" or "we're privatising the health sector"
thus begins my annual solo crusade against spotify wrapped
December 4, 2024 at 7:22 PM
thus begins my annual solo crusade against spotify wrapped
I’m such a big cricket fan that I will share my cricket opinions liberally even though I think they’re mostly bad opinions
November 27, 2024 at 11:28 PM
I’m such a big cricket fan that I will share my cricket opinions liberally even though I think they’re mostly bad opinions
Every cricket groundsman looks like they match a cricket player beer for beer but without the rest of the training and exercise
November 27, 2024 at 10:37 PM
Every cricket groundsman looks like they match a cricket player beer for beer but without the rest of the training and exercise
Weird how much of a capitalist Chris Luxon is considering his inability to own his bad decisions
November 23, 2024 at 11:00 PM
Weird how much of a capitalist Chris Luxon is considering his inability to own his bad decisions
This All Blacks vs Italy start has been as messy as the personal life of the young male athletes these players once were
November 23, 2024 at 8:19 PM
This All Blacks vs Italy start has been as messy as the personal life of the young male athletes these players once were