Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
Pinned
Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
· Nov 5
As the dogs and bees continued their attack, I tried in vain to remember my favorite things.
Midway through my karaoke performance, the audience, too, wondered what the hell I was doing here, I don't belong here.
January 22, 2026 at 7:59 PM
Midway through my karaoke performance, the audience, too, wondered what the hell I was doing here, I don't belong here.
I've done a lot that I'm ashamed of, but I like to think I'm just getting started.
January 22, 2026 at 6:10 PM
I've done a lot that I'm ashamed of, but I like to think I'm just getting started.
Email got hacked, if any of you receive a message begging to give me a second chance.
January 22, 2026 at 1:56 AM
Email got hacked, if any of you receive a message begging to give me a second chance.
Batman: ...That riddle is disgusting. No. Just no.
January 22, 2026 at 1:43 AM
Batman: ...That riddle is disgusting. No. Just no.
If feeding baby bears is stupid, then just call me a big dumdum.
January 22, 2026 at 1:20 AM
If feeding baby bears is stupid, then just call me a big dumdum.
Reposted by Kip Conlon
today’s lunch is that one other thing
January 21, 2026 at 7:47 PM
today’s lunch is that one other thing
My alibi to the police contained only one flaw: I'd made it up in a panic.
January 21, 2026 at 7:40 PM
My alibi to the police contained only one flaw: I'd made it up in a panic.
Thumb's up?! Is the emperor blind??? My GRANDMA fights lions better than that.
January 21, 2026 at 2:45 PM
Thumb's up?! Is the emperor blind??? My GRANDMA fights lions better than that.
I don't look it as a “crisis.” I see it as an opportunity to live in my car.
January 21, 2026 at 12:34 AM
I don't look it as a “crisis.” I see it as an opportunity to live in my car.
Reposted by Kip Conlon
I think the laundry likes to stay in the dryer.
January 15, 2026 at 6:57 AM
I think the laundry likes to stay in the dryer.
Reposted by Kip Conlon
things could be worse you could be one of those people at the gym working out in jeans
January 20, 2026 at 7:09 PM
things could be worse you could be one of those people at the gym working out in jeans
My GPA? That's none of your GDB.
January 20, 2026 at 10:18 PM
My GPA? That's none of your GDB.
My advice: live every day like it's the FIRST day of your life. You weren't anywhere the night of December 4.
January 20, 2026 at 9:23 PM
My advice: live every day like it's the FIRST day of your life. You weren't anywhere the night of December 4.
Sheriff Tom: What's that, Lassie? Timmy fell through the ice??
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Two hours ago? Why didn't you say anything?
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Lassie. You don't mean that.
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Two hours ago? Why didn't you say anything?
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Lassie. You don't mean that.
January 20, 2026 at 5:35 PM
Sheriff Tom: What's that, Lassie? Timmy fell through the ice??
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Two hours ago? Why didn't you say anything?
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Lassie. You don't mean that.
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Two hours ago? Why didn't you say anything?
Lassie: BARK! BARK!
Sheriff Tom: Lassie. You don't mean that.
Don't know what that acupuncturist did to my chakras, I can barely intuit the cosmos.
January 20, 2026 at 3:54 AM
Don't know what that acupuncturist did to my chakras, I can barely intuit the cosmos.
It's hard growing up a child of privilege. Everywhere you go, having to remind people who your father is.
January 19, 2026 at 9:17 PM
It's hard growing up a child of privilege. Everywhere you go, having to remind people who your father is.
“Zoo Pervert” is what the press has named me. To my friends I'm just Kip.
January 19, 2026 at 4:21 PM
“Zoo Pervert” is what the press has named me. To my friends I'm just Kip.
Reposted by Kip Conlon
i don’t think it’s appropriate that old people are my age
January 19, 2026 at 1:15 PM
i don’t think it’s appropriate that old people are my age
Reposted by Kip Conlon
You all seem to be watching football so I’ll come back later.
January 18, 2026 at 11:49 PM
You all seem to be watching football so I’ll come back later.
Reposted by Kip Conlon
We were so focused on 1984 that we forgot about Animal Farm
January 19, 2026 at 2:16 AM
We were so focused on 1984 that we forgot about Animal Farm
Emojis are great for when you just don't feel like dealing with the kidnappers.
January 19, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Emojis are great for when you just don't feel like dealing with the kidnappers.
My sensitive nature and constant whining made me an obvious target for bullies.
January 19, 2026 at 12:42 AM
My sensitive nature and constant whining made me an obvious target for bullies.
Pretending I'm an alien and asking if I may examine your “earth money.”
January 18, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Pretending I'm an alien and asking if I may examine your “earth money.”
Reposted by Kip Conlon
Kinda sucks that the first thing everyone wants to know when you're born is how much you weigh
January 17, 2026 at 5:37 PM
Kinda sucks that the first thing everyone wants to know when you're born is how much you weigh
Reposted by Kip Conlon
YOU: Yes
I: No
YOU: Stop
I: Go Go Go
(Oh No)
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
- Paul McCartney, Playwright
I: No
YOU: Stop
I: Go Go Go
(Oh No)
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
- Paul McCartney, Playwright
January 18, 2026 at 2:02 AM
YOU: Yes
I: No
YOU: Stop
I: Go Go Go
(Oh No)
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
- Paul McCartney, Playwright
I: No
YOU: Stop
I: Go Go Go
(Oh No)
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
YOU: Goodbye
I: Hello, Hello, Hello
- Paul McCartney, Playwright