HolyCrayons
@holycrayons.bsky.social
Geordie. Pyjamas. Some kids. You know the script.
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
November 15, 2025 at 3:44 PM
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
November 14, 2025 at 8:10 AM
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
November 14, 2025 at 8:02 AM
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
Never thought I'd say it, but Waitrose have won the Christmas advert competition this year.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
November 13, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Never thought I'd say it, but Waitrose have won the Christmas advert competition this year.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Wednesday is it?
November 12, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Wednesday is it?
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
November 11, 2025 at 8:17 PM
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
November 8, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
November 8, 2025 at 5:55 PM
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
November 7, 2025 at 8:57 PM
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
Reposted by HolyCrayons
Hang it in the Louvre
November 6, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Hang it in the Louvre
*whispers* I was supporting the Traitors, despite loving Joe.
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
November 6, 2025 at 10:04 PM
*whispers* I was supporting the Traitors, despite loving Joe.
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Oh how I just screamed #celebritytraitors
November 6, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Oh how I just screamed #celebritytraitors
Reposted by HolyCrayons
Reposted by HolyCrayons
They've chosen a bangin' tune for this year's John Lewis Christmas Ad.
November 4, 2025 at 9:56 AM
They've chosen a bangin' tune for this year's John Lewis Christmas Ad.
I'm off to watch 90's and early 00's Christmas TV adverts, fuck the lot of you, soppy shites.
November 4, 2025 at 9:18 AM
I'm off to watch 90's and early 00's Christmas TV adverts, fuck the lot of you, soppy shites.
The John Lewis Christmas Ad though.
November 4, 2025 at 8:41 AM
The John Lewis Christmas Ad though.
No, YOU stabbed yourself with a metal kebab skewer 🥺
November 3, 2025 at 3:42 PM
No, YOU stabbed yourself with a metal kebab skewer 🥺
Happy Birthday @captainfanny.co.uk 🎈 x
November 3, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Happy Birthday @captainfanny.co.uk 🎈 x
As if this was one year ago today though 😦 CG 3.0 almost fully baked.
November 2, 2025 at 7:00 PM
As if this was one year ago today though 😦 CG 3.0 almost fully baked.
Friends feared she was making her famous Twix Curry again.
November 1, 2025 at 10:38 AM
Friends feared she was making her famous Twix Curry again.
Reposted by HolyCrayons
The Shiningg (1980) Stanley Kubrick
October 31, 2025 at 12:08 PM
The Shiningg (1980) Stanley Kubrick
Thread made me snort.
GOD we're a dumb species.
GOD we're a dumb species.
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? I don’t mean “cheating on your partner” stupid, I mean stupid stupid. Like, once, I had this bubble bath which smelled absolutely delicious, so I took a big glug of it. That kind of stupid. (It did not taste delicious.)
October 31, 2025 at 11:54 AM
Thread made me snort.
GOD we're a dumb species.
GOD we're a dumb species.
Oh, they've just fucked off on a last minute holiday abroad so they can play happy families for Facebook.
Hope it's another all inclusive so he can over indulge on Stella and get off his rocker again 🥰🤞🏼
Hope it's another all inclusive so he can over indulge on Stella and get off his rocker again 🥰🤞🏼
Remember when my arsehole nextdoor neighbour went full radgie in August and had to be arrested?
Silly bitch has taken the mad twat back.
I'm SO disappointed.
Silly bitch has taken the mad twat back.
I'm SO disappointed.
October 30, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Oh, they've just fucked off on a last minute holiday abroad so they can play happy families for Facebook.
Hope it's another all inclusive so he can over indulge on Stella and get off his rocker again 🥰🤞🏼
Hope it's another all inclusive so he can over indulge on Stella and get off his rocker again 🥰🤞🏼
Do you have any songs on your playlists that you're about embarrassed about?
I think there should be a support group. I have reasons.
I think there should be a support group. I have reasons.
October 30, 2025 at 12:16 PM
Do you have any songs on your playlists that you're about embarrassed about?
I think there should be a support group. I have reasons.
I think there should be a support group. I have reasons.