Eugene Hetzel
@eugenehetzel.bsky.social
Pinned
Eugene Hetzel
@eugenehetzel.bsky.social
· Apr 23
What if you just beat the ass of the zombies as the infection starts? Put 'em down. You just saved the world. Welcome to level 2 of 20.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
it certainly does not mean I secretly like the roaches and want them to carry on infesting my house
if I were happy with the roaches infesting my house I wouldn’t be mad at my shitty exterminator
if I were happy with the roaches infesting my house I wouldn’t be mad at my shitty exterminator
January 3, 2026 at 9:51 PM
it certainly does not mean I secretly like the roaches and want them to carry on infesting my house
if I were happy with the roaches infesting my house I wouldn’t be mad at my shitty exterminator
if I were happy with the roaches infesting my house I wouldn’t be mad at my shitty exterminator
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
if I hire an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he instead presents me with a list of reasons he is incapable of doing so while asking for more money so that he can maybe handle it later, I am not angrier at the roaches, I am in the market for a better exterminator
January 3, 2026 at 9:25 PM
if I hire an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he instead presents me with a list of reasons he is incapable of doing so while asking for more money so that he can maybe handle it later, I am not angrier at the roaches, I am in the market for a better exterminator
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
I expect evil people to do evil things
I also expect people selling themselves as a bulwark against those evil people to fight tooth and nail against the evil things evil people do
only one of these groups is currently performing according to expectations
I also expect people selling themselves as a bulwark against those evil people to fight tooth and nail against the evil things evil people do
only one of these groups is currently performing according to expectations
January 3, 2026 at 9:22 PM
I expect evil people to do evil things
I also expect people selling themselves as a bulwark against those evil people to fight tooth and nail against the evil things evil people do
only one of these groups is currently performing according to expectations
I also expect people selling themselves as a bulwark against those evil people to fight tooth and nail against the evil things evil people do
only one of these groups is currently performing according to expectations
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
the reason people sometimes act madder at democrats than republicans when republicans do impossibly evil shit is the same reason why, if you hired an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he showed up to feed and play with them instead, your first instinct wouldn’t be to yell at the roaches
January 3, 2026 at 9:19 PM
the reason people sometimes act madder at democrats than republicans when republicans do impossibly evil shit is the same reason why, if you hired an exterminator to handle a roach infestation and he showed up to feed and play with them instead, your first instinct wouldn’t be to yell at the roaches
If you are whining about liberals, you are a joke.
January 3, 2026 at 1:55 AM
If you are whining about liberals, you are a joke.
George Carlin wasn't a comedian. He was an entertaining observational philosopher and social commentator. People dont quote tweet other successful comedians. This is your clue he wasn't telling jokes, but rather providing ancedotes.
January 2, 2026 at 8:15 PM
George Carlin wasn't a comedian. He was an entertaining observational philosopher and social commentator. People dont quote tweet other successful comedians. This is your clue he wasn't telling jokes, but rather providing ancedotes.
That's not a typo, it's Olde English.
January 2, 2026 at 4:26 PM
That's not a typo, it's Olde English.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
Of the 5 worst things I've ever drank, 3 were Jones Thanksgiving sodas, and 2 were for automotive use.
September 15, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Of the 5 worst things I've ever drank, 3 were Jones Thanksgiving sodas, and 2 were for automotive use.
I've gone full Eugene.
January 1, 2026 at 5:32 PM
I've gone full Eugene.
Imagine being a hysterical gorgon, a funny medusa, and never being able to do stand up. Happy New Year!
January 1, 2026 at 4:08 PM
Imagine being a hysterical gorgon, a funny medusa, and never being able to do stand up. Happy New Year!
There will never be a Leonard Part 7.
December 31, 2025 at 5:26 AM
There will never be a Leonard Part 7.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
Remember this from the 90s? No??? That's because I woke up with a splitting migraine today, and my malfunctioning synapses invented this abomination. I hyperfixated on it for several terrifying minutes while immobilized in bed. It haunted me all day, so here's my rendition of it.
December 31, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Remember this from the 90s? No??? That's because I woke up with a splitting migraine today, and my malfunctioning synapses invented this abomination. I hyperfixated on it for several terrifying minutes while immobilized in bed. It haunted me all day, so here's my rendition of it.
You see a heart, I see balls with a hat. We are not the same.
December 30, 2025 at 11:09 PM
You see a heart, I see balls with a hat. We are not the same.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
A Primary challenger for every seat, every cycle
A General challenger for every seat, every cycle
That is the recipe for a healthy and responsive party
No Ass should rest easily in The People's Seats
A General challenger for every seat, every cycle
That is the recipe for a healthy and responsive party
No Ass should rest easily in The People's Seats
December 30, 2025 at 5:19 AM
A Primary challenger for every seat, every cycle
A General challenger for every seat, every cycle
That is the recipe for a healthy and responsive party
No Ass should rest easily in The People's Seats
A General challenger for every seat, every cycle
That is the recipe for a healthy and responsive party
No Ass should rest easily in The People's Seats
We are alive. It is not the end. Fight on. We believe in you.
December 29, 2025 at 7:20 PM
We are alive. It is not the end. Fight on. We believe in you.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
Folkloreheads rejoice
A quirky guide to myths and lore based in actual science
Folklorist/historian Adrienne Mayor on her new book Mythopedia: A Brief Compendium of Natural History Lore...
arstechnica.com
December 29, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Folkloreheads rejoice
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
This is why every Democrat needs a progressive primary.
They're ineffective as well as complacent and they think *we* work for *them*.
#primaryeverydemocrat
They're ineffective as well as complacent and they think *we* work for *them*.
#primaryeverydemocrat
April 30, 2025 at 12:55 PM
This is why every Democrat needs a progressive primary.
They're ineffective as well as complacent and they think *we* work for *them*.
#primaryeverydemocrat
They're ineffective as well as complacent and they think *we* work for *them*.
#primaryeverydemocrat
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
If anyones says someones brain is cooked or they are, ignore the stupid.
December 17, 2025 at 9:36 PM
If anyones says someones brain is cooked or they are, ignore the stupid.
Those without conscience will never do or submit to anything that doesnt benefit them. They will attempt anything that benefits them. The SC has said he can do anything, basically. He also controls enforcement. Ergo, the only thing to halt bad action is impeachment. 1/
December 15, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Those without conscience will never do or submit to anything that doesnt benefit them. They will attempt anything that benefits them. The SC has said he can do anything, basically. He also controls enforcement. Ergo, the only thing to halt bad action is impeachment. 1/
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
The tuna fish wizard casts a spell, turning you into a can of tuna fish. Things are better this way. You are much happier. One day, you swell up and explode because it turns out some weird bacteria got inside the can. It's like a million orgasms at once and you are so happy.
December 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
The tuna fish wizard casts a spell, turning you into a can of tuna fish. Things are better this way. You are much happier. One day, you swell up and explode because it turns out some weird bacteria got inside the can. It's like a million orgasms at once and you are so happy.
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
I didn't have Hakeem Jeffries praising Trump for pardoning Henry Cuellar as the thing that would absolutely ruin my day, but just...truly...how in the world can people defend Hakeem Jeffries? How morally lost do you have to be to go to bat for someone who will never even pretend to protect you?
December 3, 2025 at 10:24 PM
I didn't have Hakeem Jeffries praising Trump for pardoning Henry Cuellar as the thing that would absolutely ruin my day, but just...truly...how in the world can people defend Hakeem Jeffries? How morally lost do you have to be to go to bat for someone who will never even pretend to protect you?
Reposted by Eugene Hetzel
"Itll never pass" dipsticks: if you dont file articles of impeachment NOW when the crime/offense is perpetrated, i.e. in a timely reactive fashion, when LATER you DO "have the votes" and try it, it will look like political revenge, not justice. After all, "you didnt say anything at the time".
December 3, 2025 at 3:49 PM
"Itll never pass" dipsticks: if you dont file articles of impeachment NOW when the crime/offense is perpetrated, i.e. in a timely reactive fashion, when LATER you DO "have the votes" and try it, it will look like political revenge, not justice. After all, "you didnt say anything at the time".