Ben
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esham.io
Ben
@esham.io
my girlfriend? oh you wouldn’t know her, she edits a different wikipedia
December 3, 2025 at 10:03 PM
CHRISTIANS: Make a jofyful noise unto the Lord ☺️

THE LORD: [receiving millions of joyful noises simultaneously] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa
December 3, 2025 at 12:36 AM
Workshopping a baking competition show called Petit Fours, Grand Larceny
November 30, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Wednesday with Friday Characteristics
November 26, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Reposted by Ben
The moo deng fandom is dying. Reskeet if youre a *real* dengist
November 25, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Reposted by Ben
people only become left handed if the mirror baby crawls out when nobody is looking and pushes the normal baby into the mirror dimension. it’s a sign of bad parenting
April 27, 2025 at 1:13 AM
what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouch— oh wait, that’s just the dog. haha, I thought you were downstairs, buddy!
September 10, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Reposted by Ben
ME: if an apple a day keeps the doctor away then 365 apples in one day should keep them away for a whole year

DR: *pumping my stomach* yeah that’s a common misunderstanding
September 10, 2025 at 3:05 PM
“2 Faust 2 Furious” was right there, but ok
August 23, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Reposted by Ben
Interviewer, People Magazine but for Food:
Tell us about the Asiago Bacon Ranch.
Wendy Thomas: It is so delicious that most of the earth's surface will be dedicated to making it.
Interviewer: Incredible.
Wendy: Humanity will build a space station to harness sandwich rays from the sun to make more.
August 19, 2025 at 11:26 AM
Reposted by Ben
I'm so tired of hearing that we need to "teach our students how to use AI" when the thing they most need to use it is a critical-thinking skill set that can only be acquired by NOT using it. I'm tired of hearing that it's inevitable. I'm tired.
August 1, 2025 at 4:52 PM
There are days when I wonder whether Kamala was ever really brat at all
July 31, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Totally sick transit gloria mundi, dude
July 25, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Reposted by Ben
kiss cams are the surveillance state btw
July 17, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Reposted by Ben
The gleeful doxing of someone cheating in public is bad even if they are a CEO and even if they are a Coldplay fan. It's bad because this kind of thing is happening to random people on TikTok for such crimes as "sitting silently on a plane" or "being attractive"

www.404media.co/the-astronom...
The Astronomer CEO's Coldplay Concert Fiasco Is Emblematic of Our Social Media Surveillance Dystopia
Facial recognition and crowdsourced social media investigations are constantly being used not just on cringe CEOs, but on random people who are simply existing in public.
www.404media.co
July 17, 2025 at 6:59 PM
“I don’t feel like Danson, no sir, no Danson today” — method actor Ted Danson getting into a new character
July 10, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Reposted by Ben
Racoon: what is this stuff?

Me: it’s our garbage

Racoon: it’s delicious, I understand why you chase me away from it, do you eat it?

Me: no we’re trying to get rid of it

Racoon: ok I guess I don’t fucking understand at all then
October 4, 2023 at 5:03 PM
When lilacs last in the door-yard bloom’d… oh my god dude, it was NUTS
April 30, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Reposted by Ben
when an american electronic appliance chirps at me: I did not invite you to speak. I despise you. I wish to destroy you

when a japanese appliance chirps at me: You are my little friend. You are my companion in the journey of life
March 19, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Reposted by Ben
shakira but one hip only lies and the other only tells the truth
February 28, 2025 at 5:48 AM
Reposted by Ben
I love leaving voice mails for my senators where I say things like "the USPS is very important to our country" as if I'm helping a small child with a book report or describing our civilization to an alien
February 25, 2025 at 6:43 PM
How to Survive Having Eighteen Browser Tabs Open That Are All a Different “How to Survive This” Guide
February 25, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Reposted by Ben
Don't use AI. Just stop. NO, not even for "good" reasons. If you don't give af about the fact it's built on stolen work (hey, mine are among the millions of works ripped off, btw), care about the devastating environmental impacts, the financial impacts. It's all bad.
February 24, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Reposted by Ben
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel down
i said YOUNG MAN, pagliacci the clown
you can SEE HIM
he is playing in town
you should go
and
have
a
good time
February 23, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Why did he call his company Tesla and not Deus Volt
February 23, 2025 at 7:48 PM