Lord Emp
@emperorgoblin.bsky.social
(he/him) Raised by hyenas.
Pinned
Lord Emp
@emperorgoblin.bsky.social
· Jun 30
For anyone checking out my profile because of an immigration thread, I was an immigration services officer with USCIS specializing in children's citizenship issues and was widely considered the national expert on such while I was there. I later wrote policy for the department. I know my shit.
Using my bidet like the laser in Tron decoding Jeff Bridges
January 18, 2026 at 3:12 AM
Using my bidet like the laser in Tron decoding Jeff Bridges
Reposted by Lord Emp
I like the genre of posts where someone shares a video of a little old lady in Minnesota going “oh gosh, I sure hope those boys don’t freeze” and all the replies are people saying “that’s Minnesotan for I’m going to feast on your bones in Valhalla”
January 18, 2026 at 1:33 AM
I like the genre of posts where someone shares a video of a little old lady in Minnesota going “oh gosh, I sure hope those boys don’t freeze” and all the replies are people saying “that’s Minnesotan for I’m going to feast on your bones in Valhalla”
Reposted by Lord Emp
Everyone go outside and find a lawyer
January 17, 2026 at 11:05 AM
Everyone go outside and find a lawyer
I know the levers of government are generally slow, but this fuggin guy's been buffering since the 90s.
Schumer as a major American metro is being brutally occupied by Trump goons: "The affordability crisis will be our focus throughout 2026 because that's what the American people are demanding"
January 15, 2026 at 5:30 PM
I know the levers of government are generally slow, but this fuggin guy's been buffering since the 90s.
Your moment-to-moment reminder that the NYT is absolutely not your friend.
January 15, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Your moment-to-moment reminder that the NYT is absolutely not your friend.
I... I have done this already. Several times in my life. Can I get backpay?
Barry Adamson - The Murky World of Barry Adamson
Tool - Lateralus
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814
John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
Seu Jorge - The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions
Barry Adamson - The Murky World of Barry Adamson
Tool - Lateralus
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814
John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
Seu Jorge - The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions
If someone put $1,000,000 on the table and said you had to listen to one album on repeat for 48 hours straight…
what album are you risking your sanity for?
what album are you risking your sanity for?
a hand is holding a discman device in front of a table
ALT: a hand is holding a discman device in front of a table
media.tenor.com
January 14, 2026 at 1:19 PM
I... I have done this already. Several times in my life. Can I get backpay?
Barry Adamson - The Murky World of Barry Adamson
Tool - Lateralus
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814
John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
Seu Jorge - The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions
Barry Adamson - The Murky World of Barry Adamson
Tool - Lateralus
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814
John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
Seu Jorge - The Life Aquatic Studio Sessions
I just discovered that there is a 'BBC Pidgin' website and I. Am. Delighted.
www.bbc.com/pidgin/artic...
www.bbc.com/pidgin/artic...
US visa revoked: Why Trump revoke di visas of more dan 100,000 US residents, including student visas - BBC News Pidgin
Di number break record, and e follow President Donald Trump executive order on foreign vetting.
www.bbc.com
January 13, 2026 at 10:54 PM
I just discovered that there is a 'BBC Pidgin' website and I. Am. Delighted.
www.bbc.com/pidgin/artic...
www.bbc.com/pidgin/artic...
This is great but not surprising! When I was hired by the govt in 2008, I gave them a reference for my background check a college friend who was, at the time, actively a drug dealer and living in a known drug house. The FBI agent showed up and interviewed him like it was normal. I got hired!
A few months ago, ICE hired me
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
You’ve Heard About Who ICE Is Recruiting. The Truth Is Far Worse. I’m the Proof.
What happens when you do minimal screening before hiring agents, arming them, and sending them into the streets? We're all finding out.
slate.com
January 13, 2026 at 10:25 PM
This is great but not surprising! When I was hired by the govt in 2008, I gave them a reference for my background check a college friend who was, at the time, actively a drug dealer and living in a known drug house. The FBI agent showed up and interviewed him like it was normal. I got hired!
Reposted by Lord Emp
A few months ago, ICE hired me
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
You’ve Heard About Who ICE Is Recruiting. The Truth Is Far Worse. I’m the Proof.
What happens when you do minimal screening before hiring agents, arming them, and sending them into the streets? We're all finding out.
slate.com
January 13, 2026 at 2:11 PM
A few months ago, ICE hired me
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
I didn't sign and submit any paperwork. I almost certainly failed the drug test. I'm real outspoken about my opposition to the Trump administration, and I am extremely googlable
And yet, there it was, in plain English. "Welcome to ICE!"
My latest for Slate
I think the likely explanation for this is money laundering.
Eric Adams, former NYC mayor, launched a memecoin (cryptocurrency) today. He marketed it as an “NYC Token” and used media appearances and his social media to promote it.
Within hours, Adams then drained its liquidity, apparently having scammed investors out of $3.4 million—a move called a rug pull.
Within hours, Adams then drained its liquidity, apparently having scammed investors out of $3.4 million—a move called a rug pull.
January 13, 2026 at 12:01 PM
I think the likely explanation for this is money laundering.
Reposted by Lord Emp
The only good Nazi, is a dead Nazi.
January 13, 2026 at 12:52 AM
The only good Nazi, is a dead Nazi.
I'm not sure that most drifters were born to walk alone, actually.
January 12, 2026 at 1:46 PM
I'm not sure that most drifters were born to walk alone, actually.
Extremely not okay with liberals (not really liberals) who are okay with mass deportations. The left should be supporting more or less free and open immigration policy. Removals/deportations should be reserved for convicted criminals, everyone else should get work permits.
starting a thread here of all the accounts we KNOW are paid DNC influencers, because it’s clear the dem party line is “dems deport millions the right way”
please add screenshots if you find them
please add screenshots if you find them
January 11, 2026 at 7:49 PM
Extremely not okay with liberals (not really liberals) who are okay with mass deportations. The left should be supporting more or less free and open immigration policy. Removals/deportations should be reserved for convicted criminals, everyone else should get work permits.
I am missing my friend, Paul Mojica, who passed away a few years ago. The world is a worse place without him.
January 11, 2026 at 2:51 PM
I am missing my friend, Paul Mojica, who passed away a few years ago. The world is a worse place without him.
Can somebody build me a Pokemon deck? My son wants me to play with him and I don't want to have a chump deck.
January 10, 2026 at 11:54 PM
Can somebody build me a Pokemon deck? My son wants me to play with him and I don't want to have a chump deck.
I think the headline is a bit optimistic, but this article does mostly hit the right notes.
A Turning Point for Trump’s Marauding Secret Police talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/a-tur...
A Turning Point for Trump’s Marauding Secret Police
People who don’t like Donald Trump are kinda gunshy talking about turning...
talkingpointsmemo.com
January 9, 2026 at 3:19 AM
I think the headline is a bit optimistic, but this article does mostly hit the right notes.
It just occurred to me... I don't know where to buy magazines. Where is a newsstand nowadays?
if you want a long read that involves udders, a hot air balloon, and some extremely dubious data on egg prices, the story I’ve been working on for the last few months where I tried to single-handedly take on every government function myself is now online! www.theatlantic.com/magazine/202...
I Tried to Be the Government. It Did Not Go Well.
My five-month quest to monitor the weather, track inflation, and inspect milk for harmful microorganisms
www.theatlantic.com
January 9, 2026 at 3:11 AM
It just occurred to me... I don't know where to buy magazines. Where is a newsstand nowadays?
I've been having a similar challenge. Not Heated Rivalry content but every other post in my feed is BAD NEWS followed by a splash of WHIMSICAL ART.
it is very jarring to see news updates here and then go to Instagram and my feed is all Heated Rivalry content
January 8, 2026 at 1:05 PM
I've been having a similar challenge. Not Heated Rivalry content but every other post in my feed is BAD NEWS followed by a splash of WHIMSICAL ART.
Our microwave died. We got a new one. When I asked the guy at Home Depot which he recommended, he verified that they're basically all the same, just pick the one that you like the look of. I asked if he could upsell me on something what's the best? He said, 'nothing. Don't waste your money.'
January 7, 2026 at 5:20 PM
Our microwave died. We got a new one. When I asked the guy at Home Depot which he recommended, he verified that they're basically all the same, just pick the one that you like the look of. I asked if he could upsell me on something what's the best? He said, 'nothing. Don't waste your money.'
Reposted by Lord Emp
This is like an old fashioned Gawker blog but somehow British and high-brow. I'll take it. www.ft.com/content/ad94...
Who’s who at X, the deepfake porn site formerly known as Twitter
A look inside Elon Musk’s big tent
www.ft.com
January 6, 2026 at 5:03 PM
This is like an old fashioned Gawker blog but somehow British and high-brow. I'll take it. www.ft.com/content/ad94...
Just finished 'Shadow's Reach,' the world sourcebook for the Hamel's House of Oddities boxes set by Sleeping Giant Gaming. It's a Dungeons and Dragons world and story with strong old school vibes.
January 4, 2026 at 2:46 PM
Just finished 'Shadow's Reach,' the world sourcebook for the Hamel's House of Oddities boxes set by Sleeping Giant Gaming. It's a Dungeons and Dragons world and story with strong old school vibes.
Halfway into the Stranger Things finale and no mention of Barb.
January 4, 2026 at 3:28 AM
Halfway into the Stranger Things finale and no mention of Barb.
Reposted by Lord Emp
this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier
January 3, 2026 at 10:57 PM
this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier
Reposted by Lord Emp
the democratic party isn’t going to be able to replicate mamdani because the democratic party would have to destroy itself in order to do that and it has made emphatically clear it will never willingly do that. there would have to be a hostile takeover by progressives for them to repeat mamdani.
January 2, 2026 at 2:51 PM
the democratic party isn’t going to be able to replicate mamdani because the democratic party would have to destroy itself in order to do that and it has made emphatically clear it will never willingly do that. there would have to be a hostile takeover by progressives for them to repeat mamdani.
Strong, healthy people don't get routine checkups every two to three months and those checkups don't usually involve scans and tests to see if your brain is mostly plaque.
What does it mean when your doctors keep insisting you redo the cognitive exam
January 2, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Strong, healthy people don't get routine checkups every two to three months and those checkups don't usually involve scans and tests to see if your brain is mostly plaque.