Aspartame Valerian
@aspartame.bsky.social
>INVENTORY
You are carrying cup of coffee, tiny dog, stack of books, way too much information about hollow earth theory
You are carrying cup of coffee, tiny dog, stack of books, way too much information about hollow earth theory
Pinned
Little. Fuzzy. Sleepy.
November 9, 2025 at 2:24 PM
Little. Fuzzy. Sleepy.
Just deleted a draft while thinking "that joke is beneath me" like I'm some kind of goddamn prince.
November 7, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Just deleted a draft while thinking "that joke is beneath me" like I'm some kind of goddamn prince.
I'm never gonna buy off-brand post-its. This is my most bougie quality.
November 7, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I'm never gonna buy off-brand post-its. This is my most bougie quality.
It shouldn’t be forgotten that a big piece of Mamdani’s campaign was simply Just kidding, this is a different tweet.
November 7, 2025 at 5:36 PM
It shouldn’t be forgotten that a big piece of Mamdani’s campaign was simply Just kidding, this is a different tweet.
Had the absolute thrill of seeing one of the first (and best) authors I ever edited, @christinahenry.bsky.social, talking about her new horror book, The Place Where They Buried Your Heart, last night at Brookline Booksmith. Buy it and get freaked out!
November 7, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Had the absolute thrill of seeing one of the first (and best) authors I ever edited, @christinahenry.bsky.social, talking about her new horror book, The Place Where They Buried Your Heart, last night at Brookline Booksmith. Buy it and get freaked out!
Reposted by Aspartame Valerian
Giraffic Park. same movie except giraffes instead of dinosaurs
November 6, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Giraffic Park. same movie except giraffes instead of dinosaurs
If hanging an excessive number of Pip photos in my cubicle is considered "ruining" work then yes, I guess I'm guilty.
November 6, 2025 at 6:09 PM
If hanging an excessive number of Pip photos in my cubicle is considered "ruining" work then yes, I guess I'm guilty.
Reposted by Aspartame Valerian
"CHICKEN FINGERS is bonded with another cat, CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS. CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS is a charming 20-lb Maine Coon mix who hates children, has moderate bowel incontinence, and only eats sushi-grade tuna. CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS and CHICKEN FINGERS must be adopted together."
A Brief Questionnaire Before You Adopt This Rescue Cat
Thank you for your interest in CHICKEN FINGERS, an available cat with Furrever Rescue. Furrever Rescue currently has over a hundred cats that despe...
buff.ly
October 31, 2025 at 2:00 AM
"CHICKEN FINGERS is bonded with another cat, CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS. CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS is a charming 20-lb Maine Coon mix who hates children, has moderate bowel incontinence, and only eats sushi-grade tuna. CAPTAIN STINKY PANTS and CHICKEN FINGERS must be adopted together."
My bad , guys. It was in one of my giant bags of diamonds that I hadn’t looked in for a while.
More than 100 years after it was thought lost or stolen, the legendary Florentine Diamond has resurfaced. Read more: nyti.ms/47swbBi
November 6, 2025 at 12:59 PM
My bad , guys. It was in one of my giant bags of diamonds that I hadn’t looked in for a while.
Number four rhymes with mutthug.
Thrift shopping is a great way to nab expensive items for a fraction of the cost. But you should steer clear of these product categories.
9 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Buy Secondhand
Thrift shopping is a great way to nab expensive items for a fraction of the cost. But you should steer clear of these product categories.
nyti.ms
November 1, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Number four rhymes with mutthug.
Made it through another Halloween without being slaughtered by produce.
As you prepare for Halloween don't forget the scariest monsters around. I mean vampire pumpkins and watermelons, of course.
November 1, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Made it through another Halloween without being slaughtered by produce.
Chilly autumnal dogs have a smell all their own.
November 1, 2025 at 2:42 PM
Chilly autumnal dogs have a smell all their own.
Linguica pizza for the win.
October 31, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Linguica pizza for the win.
A French Mt Rushmore featuring this guy and the dude who opened a bottle of wine with his shoe.
A French cyclist survived for three days after a horrendous 130-foot fall into a ravine, kept alive by the bottles of red wine he had in his shopping bag, police said.
Cyclist falls down 130-foot ravine in France, survives 3 days by drinking wine he had in shopping bag
A helicopter airlifted him to hospital, with a rescue doctor calling his survival "a miracle."
cbsn.ws
October 31, 2025 at 2:31 PM
A French Mt Rushmore featuring this guy and the dude who opened a bottle of wine with his shoe.
Reposted by Aspartame Valerian
Power went out as I was brewing coffee. I’m being haunted by a Mormon spirit.
October 31, 2025 at 12:41 PM
Power went out as I was brewing coffee. I’m being haunted by a Mormon spirit.
Sick to death of cutting my own fingernails. Can I train some rats to nibble them down?
October 31, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Sick to death of cutting my own fingernails. Can I train some rats to nibble them down?
Heee-eeey
Skeleton draped in a shroud Northern France, c. 1600
(Musée du Louvre)
(Musée du Louvre)
October 31, 2025 at 11:57 AM
Heee-eeey
I’ve been craving some roast beeves ever since I watched that @joshgondelman.bsky.social video.
October 30, 2025 at 11:45 AM
I’ve been craving some roast beeves ever since I watched that @joshgondelman.bsky.social video.
This but both characters are me.
Sorry my seasonal depression and your period synced up and we accidentally started a coven that just cries and eats cereal for dinner.
October 29, 2025 at 1:45 PM
This but both characters are me.
Reposted by Aspartame Valerian
On this day in Wyrd Britain history...
1978 - #Crass recorded their debut album, 'The Feeding of the 5000'. One of the most completely realised debut records of it's era; it's sound and its themes quickly came to define its own sub-genre of punk, and its impact can still be felt today.
#anarchopunk
1978 - #Crass recorded their debut album, 'The Feeding of the 5000'. One of the most completely realised debut records of it's era; it's sound and its themes quickly came to define its own sub-genre of punk, and its impact can still be felt today.
#anarchopunk
October 29, 2025 at 9:39 AM
On this day in Wyrd Britain history...
1978 - #Crass recorded their debut album, 'The Feeding of the 5000'. One of the most completely realised debut records of it's era; it's sound and its themes quickly came to define its own sub-genre of punk, and its impact can still be felt today.
#anarchopunk
1978 - #Crass recorded their debut album, 'The Feeding of the 5000'. One of the most completely realised debut records of it's era; it's sound and its themes quickly came to define its own sub-genre of punk, and its impact can still be felt today.
#anarchopunk
Reposted by Aspartame Valerian
The saddest thing is when a skeleton is excited to play their own bones for the first time and, just as the cemetery party really gets cooking, it's discovered that they have no rhythm and they are asked to go stand quietly next to the black cat under the tree with the owl in it.
October 31, 2023 at 5:12 PM
The saddest thing is when a skeleton is excited to play their own bones for the first time and, just as the cemetery party really gets cooking, it's discovered that they have no rhythm and they are asked to go stand quietly next to the black cat under the tree with the owl in it.
@justdanthistime.bsky.social Happy birthday, brah.
October 28, 2025 at 6:21 PM
@justdanthistime.bsky.social Happy birthday, brah.