Aspartame Valerian
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aspartame.bsky.social
Aspartame Valerian
@aspartame.bsky.social
520 followers 610 following 3.1K posts
>INVENTORY
You are carrying cup of coffee, tiny dog, stack of books, way too much information about hollow earth theory
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aspartame.bsky.social
Little. Fuzzy. Sleepy.
A tiny white and brown dog lays with her face pressed into a fuzzy blanket. There is a hand laying on her back.
November 9, 2025 at 2:24 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Mamdani slogan text generator saying “all for you Damien.”
November 8, 2025 at 11:14 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Hey baby
Photo of one little male spider on a web approaching a giant female spider. Photo of a little male spider now close enough to touch a giant female spider.
November 8, 2025 at 2:03 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Had the absolute thrill of seeing one of the first (and best) authors I ever edited, @christinahenry.bsky.social, talking about her new horror book, The Place Where They Buried Your Heart, last night at Brookline Booksmith. Buy it and get freaked out!
Cover of Christina Henry’s new horror novel, The Place Where They Buried Your Heart, featuring a very spooky house. Photo of me and Christina.
November 7, 2025 at 3:18 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
I hope your day is exceptional. In a good way. Need to be specific with wishes.
A tiny white and brown dog in a tiny silver and blue party hat that’s says, “Happy birthday! Love, Pip”
October 28, 2025 at 6:20 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Do you like scary movies?
(By Paolo Puck)
Artist Paolo Puck’s rendering of a fake movie poster for a film called “Pom” that shows a deranged Pomeranian dog’s head floating over a house and the word “Pom” in bright red type surrounded by tiny bloody paw prints.
October 26, 2025 at 11:13 AM
aspartame.bsky.social
Found these tucked in a G drive folder and I can’t decide which is more upsetting.
Photo of a blonde woman wearing a mask. Second photo of a blonde woman wearing a mask.
October 21, 2025 at 3:46 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
As you prepare for Halloween don't forget the scariest monsters around. I mean vampire pumpkins and watermelons, of course.
Screenshot of Wikipedia text saying "two plants which are regarded as likely to turn into vampires: pumpkins of every kind and water-melons. And the change takes place when they are 'fighting one another.' In Podrima and Prizrenski Podgor they consider this transformation occurs if these ground fruit have been kept for more than ten days: then the gathered pumpkins stir all by themselves and make a sound like 'brrrl, brrrl, brrrl!' and begin to shake themselves. It is also believed that sometimes a trace of blood can be seen on the pumpkin, and the Gs. then say it has become a vampire. These pumpkins and melons go round the houses, stables, and rooms at night, all by themselves, and do harm to people. But it is thought that they cannot do great damage to folk, so people are not very afraid of this kind of vampire."
October 10, 2025 at 6:18 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
A photo of me holding a cool rock. It is shiny.
October 4, 2025 at 11:55 AM
aspartame.bsky.social
9/30 vs 10/1
A photo of a sedate and adorable tiny white and brown dog sitting on the carpet. A photo of a fearsome and fangsome tiny white and brown dog attacking everything.
October 1, 2025 at 7:11 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Micheal Caine from The Cider House Rules superimposed over the cover of Roald Dahl’s The Witches.
September 28, 2025 at 9:01 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Just noticed this little face in Excel and now I can't unsee it.
A graphic of three icons: two downward pointing triangles with a downward facing arrow between them that looks like two eyes, a nose, and a mouth.
September 25, 2025 at 2:23 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
As a preteen I was traumatized by a screening of the rapture movie A Thief in the Night which ends with the main character being asked to take the mark of the beast under threat of guillotine.
Cover to the movie A Thief in the Night which shows a woman looking over her shoulder in front of the globe with a clock near midnight superimposed over it. In the foreground is a van with the word UNITE written on it and a man in paramilitary dress with a red armband.
September 23, 2025 at 4:52 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
My main selling point.
Photo of a tag hanging on a dog toy shaped like a pig that says, “squeeze me, I grunt!”
September 21, 2025 at 3:30 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
A screenshot of Homer Simpson with the caption “sweet van” instead of “sweet can.”
September 20, 2025 at 9:19 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Two pillows are better than one.
A tiny white and brown dog sits between two small pillows on a couch.
September 17, 2025 at 2:19 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
UwU
Closeup photo of a green and black cicada.
September 8, 2025 at 3:40 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Created a new photo album just for my pictures of weird books.
Photo of books spine with title “Captured by Apes” Photo of multiple book spines including one that says “British Tits.” Photo of three books, “Throwing the Ninja Star of Death,” “Knuckle Dusters & Knuckle Knives,” and “Boxing’s Dirty Tricks and Outlaw Killer Punches.” Photo of a books called “The G-Men Smash the ‘Professor’s’ Gang by William Engle.
September 7, 2025 at 1:02 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Buns!
Photo of some crappy little doodles of bunnies, labeled “Buns!” and of a beeyootiful lady.
September 2, 2025 at 8:26 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Me to the faulty elevator lobby door sensor:
Meme of the war boy from Mad Max yelling “Witness Me”.
September 2, 2025 at 4:56 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Using one photo already on your phone, what is the announcement today at 2
A photo of a dang baby Bigfoot.
September 2, 2025 at 2:39 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
Where dat snoot?
A tiny dog snoot sticking out from beneath a white blanket.
August 31, 2025 at 5:23 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
At the Haskell Public Gardens
Purple daisies with yellow centers growing up a stake. Reflection of a woman in greenhouse glass. Inside the greenhouse are empty wooden shelves. Green, balloon-like plants grow up a curved wooden structure. More purple flowers and a hand holding them in position for the photo.
August 31, 2025 at 2:01 PM
aspartame.bsky.social
oh really
Screenshot showing a car parked outside a mobile home next to a swing set. The caption says “[distant animals chortling]”
August 28, 2025 at 12:05 AM
aspartame.bsky.social
In case my cooking is too BLAAAAHnd.
Two boring-ass glass salt and pepper shakers in an elaborate salt and pepper shaker caddy shaped like Dracula.
August 27, 2025 at 5:37 PM