Allison Sanchez
@allisonsanchez.bsky.social
TV Writer: We Were Liars. Middlemost Post. Formerly: Script Coord—AHS. Research Asst—Nancy Drew. Satire—McSweeneys. Food & Travel—Uproxx. Reps: Artists First. Yachts: Have never, not even once, set on fire. 🇵🇷
When I was pregnant with my second child — it was 2021. The vaccine became avail for pregnant women 2 weeks before her due date and I worked so hard to get an appt. Then I talked to a coworker about it casually. She goes:
August 15, 2025 at 5:09 AM
When I was pregnant with my second child — it was 2021. The vaccine became avail for pregnant women 2 weeks before her due date and I worked so hard to get an appt. Then I talked to a coworker about it casually. She goes:
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
Hey NBC and Seth Meyers, y’all need to book the largest possible venue in D.C. on April 26th and do a competing fundraiser and comedy show that actually celebrates the First Amendment. Televise it. Make Amber Ruffin the central act. Send a message that free speech is non-negotiable.
March 30, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Hey NBC and Seth Meyers, y’all need to book the largest possible venue in D.C. on April 26th and do a competing fundraiser and comedy show that actually celebrates the First Amendment. Televise it. Make Amber Ruffin the central act. Send a message that free speech is non-negotiable.
My favorite movie genres:
5. The most dangerous game is man.
4. I’ve gotten stuck in some sort of Christmas snow globe sitch.
3. Deadbeat dad is real good in an apocalypse.
2. The real time travel was the friends we made along the way!!
1. Zombies.
5. The most dangerous game is man.
4. I’ve gotten stuck in some sort of Christmas snow globe sitch.
3. Deadbeat dad is real good in an apocalypse.
2. The real time travel was the friends we made along the way!!
1. Zombies.
My favorite movie genres
5. Everyday world with one magical element.
4. Reality glitches and the hero must go on a journey to learn how the Universe actually works.
3. Let’s put on a show!
2. A guy thinks he’s great, finds out he’s not and then gets the chance to actually be great.
1. Submarine.
5. Everyday world with one magical element.
4. Reality glitches and the hero must go on a journey to learn how the Universe actually works.
3. Let’s put on a show!
2. A guy thinks he’s great, finds out he’s not and then gets the chance to actually be great.
1. Submarine.
My favorite film genres
5. Set at Christmas but not about Christmas
4. Guy goes to change town but town changes him
3. Weird twist every 20 minutes
2. Way too many smart asses
1. Filmed in at least 4 different countries
5. Set at Christmas but not about Christmas
4. Guy goes to change town but town changes him
3. Weird twist every 20 minutes
2. Way too many smart asses
1. Filmed in at least 4 different countries
March 11, 2025 at 6:05 AM
My favorite movie genres:
5. The most dangerous game is man.
4. I’ve gotten stuck in some sort of Christmas snow globe sitch.
3. Deadbeat dad is real good in an apocalypse.
2. The real time travel was the friends we made along the way!!
1. Zombies.
5. The most dangerous game is man.
4. I’ve gotten stuck in some sort of Christmas snow globe sitch.
3. Deadbeat dad is real good in an apocalypse.
2. The real time travel was the friends we made along the way!!
1. Zombies.
My toxic trait is that while I often don’t finish many of my friends’ Instagram stories — I refuse to miss a single second of any story The Rainforest Cafe posts.
I am transfixed. I am one with the jungle and it with me. The rain is real and its tears are my own emotions, falling into a mall.
I am transfixed. I am one with the jungle and it with me. The rain is real and its tears are my own emotions, falling into a mall.
March 11, 2025 at 5:58 AM
My toxic trait is that while I often don’t finish many of my friends’ Instagram stories — I refuse to miss a single second of any story The Rainforest Cafe posts.
I am transfixed. I am one with the jungle and it with me. The rain is real and its tears are my own emotions, falling into a mall.
I am transfixed. I am one with the jungle and it with me. The rain is real and its tears are my own emotions, falling into a mall.
My husband tonight: Have we seen the movie 2012?
Me: I think the question you mean is have YOU seen 2012 because of course I have, dozens of times.
Me: I think the question you mean is have YOU seen 2012 because of course I have, dozens of times.
February 9, 2025 at 3:27 AM
My husband tonight: Have we seen the movie 2012?
Me: I think the question you mean is have YOU seen 2012 because of course I have, dozens of times.
Me: I think the question you mean is have YOU seen 2012 because of course I have, dozens of times.
I’ve recently learned that there’s a rainforest cafe in Texas with a river ride and now it’s the only thing I want to do before I die.
February 9, 2025 at 3:25 AM
I’ve recently learned that there’s a rainforest cafe in Texas with a river ride and now it’s the only thing I want to do before I die.
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
let me just say that i have maybe one billion questions for Olivia Nuzzi right now
January 29, 2025 at 5:23 PM
let me just say that i have maybe one billion questions for Olivia Nuzzi right now
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
if anyone says the word "bipartisan" to me ever again for the rest of my life i cannot be fucking held responsible
January 28, 2025 at 4:35 AM
if anyone says the word "bipartisan" to me ever again for the rest of my life i cannot be fucking held responsible
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
WIC. They are pausing WIC.
That's the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children. Last time I checked (a while ago), every dollar spent on WIC produced over a dollar in savings *in the same fiscal year.* For most people, though, feeding infants and mothers is enough.
That's the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children. Last time I checked (a while ago), every dollar spent on WIC produced over a dollar in savings *in the same fiscal year.* For most people, though, feeding infants and mothers is enough.
Broader agreement that it to applies to discretionary spending payments (Head Start, WIC, etc).
January 28, 2025 at 4:30 AM
WIC. They are pausing WIC.
That's the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children. Last time I checked (a while ago), every dollar spent on WIC produced over a dollar in savings *in the same fiscal year.* For most people, though, feeding infants and mothers is enough.
That's the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children. Last time I checked (a while ago), every dollar spent on WIC produced over a dollar in savings *in the same fiscal year.* For most people, though, feeding infants and mothers is enough.
When we tell our kids they WILL use math when they grow up, we just don’t include how fucked up and confusing that math will be.
But rest assured
— the below is all correct math. And it haunts me every night of my life.
But rest assured
— the below is all correct math. And it haunts me every night of my life.
Put the child to bed before 6:45pm: Asleep after 9pm.
Put the child to sleep between 6:45 and 7:00: Asleep within 45 minutes.
Put the child to bed between 7:00 and 7:30: Asleep within 10 minutes.
Put the child to bed after 7:30: You done fucked up.
Put the child to sleep between 6:45 and 7:00: Asleep within 45 minutes.
Put the child to bed between 7:00 and 7:30: Asleep within 10 minutes.
Put the child to bed after 7:30: You done fucked up.
January 28, 2025 at 6:29 AM
When we tell our kids they WILL use math when they grow up, we just don’t include how fucked up and confusing that math will be.
But rest assured
— the below is all correct math. And it haunts me every night of my life.
But rest assured
— the below is all correct math. And it haunts me every night of my life.
Love non compliance but…
As someone who has been run over by a Land Rover going 35 miles an hour while Jay walking, please don’t do that.
Non-comply in ways that don’t hurt that much. I promise, it hurts SO much. Some stuff — like crosswalks and traffic lights are there for a reason.
As someone who has been run over by a Land Rover going 35 miles an hour while Jay walking, please don’t do that.
Non-comply in ways that don’t hurt that much. I promise, it hurts SO much. Some stuff — like crosswalks and traffic lights are there for a reason.
Practice non-compliance. If it isn't your habit, start small. Try jaywalking. Park a little weird. Only read your email once a day. Get slow. Prioritize taking care of each other above everything else.
The machine is meaningless. We are all that matters.
The machine is meaningless. We are all that matters.
January 28, 2025 at 6:25 AM
Love non compliance but…
As someone who has been run over by a Land Rover going 35 miles an hour while Jay walking, please don’t do that.
Non-comply in ways that don’t hurt that much. I promise, it hurts SO much. Some stuff — like crosswalks and traffic lights are there for a reason.
As someone who has been run over by a Land Rover going 35 miles an hour while Jay walking, please don’t do that.
Non-comply in ways that don’t hurt that much. I promise, it hurts SO much. Some stuff — like crosswalks and traffic lights are there for a reason.
I’m not saying that it’s a fake Melania. But if I DID have to hire a fake wife to accompany me to my inauguration because my real wife hated me and I had to hide her face but couldn’t use sunglasses… This is totally the hat I’d put her in.
January 20, 2025 at 7:46 PM
I’m not saying that it’s a fake Melania. But if I DID have to hire a fake wife to accompany me to my inauguration because my real wife hated me and I had to hide her face but couldn’t use sunglasses… This is totally the hat I’d put her in.
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
I donated. Please consider making a donation if you are able.
This teacher and mother lost her family’s home and everything. They haven’t had a lot of donations so far — as we think about equity in funding, let’s try to make bipoc GoFundMes as robust as others? Anyway — please help if you can.
gofund.me/015fae9a
gofund.me/015fae9a
Donate to Help Clatrina & Her Family Rebuild After Eaton Fires, organized by Shannon Bradley
I'm devastated to share that my best friend, Clatrina, a dedicate… Shannon Bradley needs your support for Help Clatrina & Her Family Rebuild After Eaton Fires
gofund.me
January 14, 2025 at 5:25 AM
I donated. Please consider making a donation if you are able.
This teacher and mother lost her family’s home and everything. They haven’t had a lot of donations so far — as we think about equity in funding, let’s try to make bipoc GoFundMes as robust as others? Anyway — please help if you can.
gofund.me/015fae9a
gofund.me/015fae9a
Donate to Help Clatrina & Her Family Rebuild After Eaton Fires, organized by Shannon Bradley
I'm devastated to share that my best friend, Clatrina, a dedicate… Shannon Bradley needs your support for Help Clatrina & Her Family Rebuild After Eaton Fires
gofund.me
January 14, 2025 at 5:21 AM
This teacher and mother lost her family’s home and everything. They haven’t had a lot of donations so far — as we think about equity in funding, let’s try to make bipoc GoFundMes as robust as others? Anyway — please help if you can.
gofund.me/015fae9a
gofund.me/015fae9a
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
You know who believes in climate change...house insurance companies
January 11, 2025 at 7:01 PM
You know who believes in climate change...house insurance companies
So confusing to know if we should leave for a few days due to the air quality or ride it out because I haven’t yet seen a ‘former, disgraced scientist, who was laughed at 5 yrs ago, and is also a single dad working an hourly job that embarrasses him in front of his kids’ new step dad’ to follow.
January 9, 2025 at 5:20 PM
So confusing to know if we should leave for a few days due to the air quality or ride it out because I haven’t yet seen a ‘former, disgraced scientist, who was laughed at 5 yrs ago, and is also a single dad working an hourly job that embarrasses him in front of his kids’ new step dad’ to follow.
2025 is MY year (to cry myself to sleep)!
I’m just kidding— I mostly cry during the day.
I’m just kidding— I mostly cry during the day.
January 1, 2025 at 12:05 PM
2025 is MY year (to cry myself to sleep)!
I’m just kidding— I mostly cry during the day.
I’m just kidding— I mostly cry during the day.
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
for the potato fears not death
December 31, 2024 at 1:55 PM
for the potato fears not death
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
The richest man in the world went insane because he can buy anything except the ability to tell a joke. That's how valuable jokes are.
December 28, 2024 at 4:44 AM
The richest man in the world went insane because he can buy anything except the ability to tell a joke. That's how valuable jokes are.
Reposted by Allison Sanchez
This is… bleak. (And salt to an old wound as someone who was once replaced by a White male showrunner).
December 21, 2024 at 7:35 PM
This is… bleak. (And salt to an old wound as someone who was once replaced by a White male showrunner).
“Mama, come outside, I have a surprise for you. And man is it going to blow your ears off”
My 3 year old said very seriously today. Then followed up with.
“Your ears are blown off, aren’t they?”
My 3 year old said very seriously today. Then followed up with.
“Your ears are blown off, aren’t they?”
December 7, 2024 at 11:48 PM
“Mama, come outside, I have a surprise for you. And man is it going to blow your ears off”
My 3 year old said very seriously today. Then followed up with.
“Your ears are blown off, aren’t they?”
My 3 year old said very seriously today. Then followed up with.
“Your ears are blown off, aren’t they?”
You always know a TV wedding isn’t happening if you see them try on the dress. A full look at a tv character in her gorgeous dress before the wedding? You ain’t seeing it walk down the aisle, my friend.
December 7, 2024 at 7:27 PM
You always know a TV wedding isn’t happening if you see them try on the dress. A full look at a tv character in her gorgeous dress before the wedding? You ain’t seeing it walk down the aisle, my friend.