I’m not saying that it’s a fake Melania. But if I DID have to hire a fake wife to accompany me to my inauguration because my real wife hated me and I had to hide her face but couldn’t use sunglasses… This is totally the hat I’d put her in.

Of course I’m religious. I believe in the holy trinity.

Instagram keeps telling me over and over that all husbands want for Christmas is this moon lamp. I was skeptical and so I showed my husband. He said under no circumstances am I to buy him this moon lamp. But-

instagram says husband want moon lamp. Instagram says husband LOVE moon lamp. So…

I mean thank God for small mercies, I guess.

Introduce yourself by posting a pic of which of the cgi wolves from Day After Tomorrow you’re most like:

Uncover the outlets.

Going back to work Monday so I’m looking through my past notes to see if there’s anything helpful and luckily:

Incredible stuff.

Narrator:
Oh they made history alright.

This is the bad place.

Reading every Oppenheimer review pretending it’s about Barbie like:

Now that I’m striking — every day my husband asks me what I’m going to be doing with my day. And I’ve answered it so many times that I think I’m just going to start saying, what I do everyday baby, try to take over the world.

With futurama back it’s as good a time as any to pay respects to the scene that might truly be the saddest in all of television history on what was supposed to be a comedy.

Yes. Understanding…”history”

how have I never seen Mermaids before?? So charmed.

Sick burn, Grubhub.