uri5el
@zebrasyndicate.bsky.social
Husband, father, nerd, person. Occasionally funny, always funny looking.
Pinned
uri5el
@zebrasyndicate.bsky.social
· Oct 4
I just sneezed an unavoidable sneeze while in the middle of having a bite of lunch.
0/5 - do NOT recommend
0/5 - do NOT recommend
They always say be kind to people because you don’t know what battles they’re fighting. Except for me - one look at my yard and you know what battle I’m fighting. Nutsedge. My battle is nutsedge.
August 27, 2025 at 5:38 AM
They always say be kind to people because you don’t know what battles they’re fighting. Except for me - one look at my yard and you know what battle I’m fighting. Nutsedge. My battle is nutsedge.
You know vacation is going great when I finally snap and yell “will you just STOP!!” to the bee that kept pestering me.
July 11, 2025 at 11:41 AM
You know vacation is going great when I finally snap and yell “will you just STOP!!” to the bee that kept pestering me.
Reposted by uri5el
If you met on the internet, then you intermet
June 17, 2025 at 12:43 AM
If you met on the internet, then you intermet
Unemployed surprise #23
I can’t stand coffee, but I’ve been in more coffee shops for networking & pre-interview meetings these past 2 months than i have in the rest of my entire adult life.
I can’t stand coffee, but I’ve been in more coffee shops for networking & pre-interview meetings these past 2 months than i have in the rest of my entire adult life.
May 29, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Unemployed surprise #23
I can’t stand coffee, but I’ve been in more coffee shops for networking & pre-interview meetings these past 2 months than i have in the rest of my entire adult life.
I can’t stand coffee, but I’ve been in more coffee shops for networking & pre-interview meetings these past 2 months than i have in the rest of my entire adult life.
Tonight I discovered that if I were ever to snap, it wouldn’t be due to something like road rage or unnecessary rudeness or any of the “normal” reasons.
If I just lose it one day, you can bet it was because someone was mumbling.
If I just lose it one day, you can bet it was because someone was mumbling.
May 13, 2025 at 4:11 AM
Tonight I discovered that if I were ever to snap, it wouldn’t be due to something like road rage or unnecessary rudeness or any of the “normal” reasons.
If I just lose it one day, you can bet it was because someone was mumbling.
If I just lose it one day, you can bet it was because someone was mumbling.
Me: okay, ham sandwiches for lunch tomorrow.
My kids: aw man! We just had peanut butter sandwiches last week! Can’t we have cold hotdogs instead?!
Me: you literally had summer sausage and crackers today
Kids: yeah, but that’s different!
My kids: aw man! We just had peanut butter sandwiches last week! Can’t we have cold hotdogs instead?!
Me: you literally had summer sausage and crackers today
Kids: yeah, but that’s different!
May 7, 2025 at 11:09 PM
Me: okay, ham sandwiches for lunch tomorrow.
My kids: aw man! We just had peanut butter sandwiches last week! Can’t we have cold hotdogs instead?!
Me: you literally had summer sausage and crackers today
Kids: yeah, but that’s different!
My kids: aw man! We just had peanut butter sandwiches last week! Can’t we have cold hotdogs instead?!
Me: you literally had summer sausage and crackers today
Kids: yeah, but that’s different!
Welp. Some days you go to work with a job and you come home without one.
Anyone looking to hire a LEGO man to do some design and architecture, let me know.
Anyone looking to hire a LEGO man to do some design and architecture, let me know.
April 4, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Welp. Some days you go to work with a job and you come home without one.
Anyone looking to hire a LEGO man to do some design and architecture, let me know.
Anyone looking to hire a LEGO man to do some design and architecture, let me know.
Me. (Receives bad new about the passing of a loved one)
The radio: here, listen to this -
Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Blackbird (the Beatles)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole)
The radio: here, listen to this -
Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Blackbird (the Beatles)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole)
March 17, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Me. (Receives bad new about the passing of a loved one)
The radio: here, listen to this -
Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Blackbird (the Beatles)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole)
The radio: here, listen to this -
Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)
Blackbird (the Beatles)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole)
Reposted by uri5el
I hate when I send an email to someone and check it off my to do list and then they write me back???? No, I DID it. Don’t you see.
March 13, 2025 at 5:42 PM
I hate when I send an email to someone and check it off my to do list and then they write me back???? No, I DID it. Don’t you see.
Weekend construction follow up - table complete. Choice of finish TBD
March 10, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Weekend construction follow up - table complete. Choice of finish TBD
Asked 8 what he wanted to do for boys night (the ladies were off to a play at the high school) and after thinking a bit, he looked me in the face and said “I want to build a table”
Okay Bob Vila, let’s build a table then.
Okay Bob Vila, let’s build a table then.
March 8, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Asked 8 what he wanted to do for boys night (the ladies were off to a play at the high school) and after thinking a bit, he looked me in the face and said “I want to build a table”
Okay Bob Vila, let’s build a table then.
Okay Bob Vila, let’s build a table then.
I’ve not seen anybody die of embarrassment as quickly as my 12yo when her grandpa asked loudly, in a busy restaurant, if she was “one of those Twisties” while pointing to her bracelet.
March 5, 2025 at 2:22 PM
I’ve not seen anybody die of embarrassment as quickly as my 12yo when her grandpa asked loudly, in a busy restaurant, if she was “one of those Twisties” while pointing to her bracelet.
Snowplows in my area do their job about as effectively as my kids clean the house. “Oh, this was 3 lanes? How about 3/4 of a lane instead?”
January 8, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Snowplows in my area do their job about as effectively as my kids clean the house. “Oh, this was 3 lanes? How about 3/4 of a lane instead?”
After shoveling for 4.5 hours across an 18 hour span, I ache so much I’m hobbling around the house like the long lost 3rd Wet Bandit.
January 7, 2025 at 4:20 AM
After shoveling for 4.5 hours across an 18 hour span, I ache so much I’m hobbling around the house like the long lost 3rd Wet Bandit.
“You’ll be visited by 3 spirits”
The 3 spirits:
The 3 spirits:
December 24, 2024 at 8:40 AM
“You’ll be visited by 3 spirits”
The 3 spirits:
The 3 spirits:
Removing all Christmas songs that mention snow from our family playlist because global warming has eliminated our chances of seeing any.
Thanks a lot, old people.
Thanks a lot, old people.
December 23, 2024 at 10:28 PM
Removing all Christmas songs that mention snow from our family playlist because global warming has eliminated our chances of seeing any.
Thanks a lot, old people.
Thanks a lot, old people.
There’s a certain kind of magic that has to happen for your beard hair and ear hair to reach the same length.
December 22, 2024 at 2:12 AM
There’s a certain kind of magic that has to happen for your beard hair and ear hair to reach the same length.
“Oh golly, I dropped the ipad”
My daughter, with all the trappings of a modern day teen and the vocab of a kid from 1950.
My daughter, with all the trappings of a modern day teen and the vocab of a kid from 1950.
December 2, 2024 at 6:23 AM
“Oh golly, I dropped the ipad”
My daughter, with all the trappings of a modern day teen and the vocab of a kid from 1950.
My daughter, with all the trappings of a modern day teen and the vocab of a kid from 1950.
Reposted by uri5el
[sign in the Terminator's kitchen]
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
November 26, 2024 at 5:47 AM
[sign in the Terminator's kitchen]
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
come with me if you want to live, laugh, love
Reposted by uri5el
if you tell me to wish you luck and you don’t specify which kind, well that’s a risk you took
January 29, 2024 at 4:20 PM
if you tell me to wish you luck and you don’t specify which kind, well that’s a risk you took
Usually in the drive-thru I’ll start my order with “can I get a….(food order)”
But SOMETIMES, I accidentally turn into a drive-thru Jay-Z and say “can I get a….fuck you”
Today was one of those days.
But SOMETIMES, I accidentally turn into a drive-thru Jay-Z and say “can I get a….fuck you”
Today was one of those days.
April 4, 2024 at 2:20 PM
Usually in the drive-thru I’ll start my order with “can I get a….(food order)”
But SOMETIMES, I accidentally turn into a drive-thru Jay-Z and say “can I get a….fuck you”
Today was one of those days.
But SOMETIMES, I accidentally turn into a drive-thru Jay-Z and say “can I get a….fuck you”
Today was one of those days.
Reposted by uri5el
*pronounces garbage like barrage*
March 12, 2024 at 11:31 PM
*pronounces garbage like barrage*
Reposted by uri5el
A Caesar joke? I’ll take a stab at it.
March 15, 2024 at 2:29 PM
A Caesar joke? I’ll take a stab at it.
No parenting book/advice prepared me for the amount of times I would have to say “you have a straw, don’t tip your cup”
March 7, 2024 at 2:05 PM
No parenting book/advice prepared me for the amount of times I would have to say “you have a straw, don’t tip your cup”
Reposted by uri5el
I come bearing grudges.
March 7, 2024 at 2:26 AM
I come bearing grudges.