There are few acts more graceless than having to enter your login details using the arrow keys on a remote control. Just shambling about the screen like a pac-man ghost. Pathetic. We gave up quills for this.

Dear Santa,
You didn’t get me the thesaurus I asked for and now I’m mad. You made me really mad. I’m mad at you

Hank Green is so ambitious. It's exhausting. My life is like being the co-author of the Federalist Papers.

I'm all like, "John Jay got sick after writing five."

And Hank's like, "HAMILTON WROTE THE OTHER FIFTY ONE."

Me: This show sucks
Boss: Again..this is a zoom meeting

Editor: You get those photos of Elliott Gould and Grover?
Photographer: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked.
Editor: what